How do you break the asexual ice?

[Discworld2020]

This has probably been asked a thousand times but how do you bring up or go round the proviable bush in bringing up your asexual when your starting talking on dating apps or starting dating?

 

I'm trying the whole dating debacle again for the thousand time and dont know how to say or bring it up? Usually when conversation goes down the "sexing" route I just change the conversation?

 

What's been your guys best way of doing it? And does it get easier?

[Phalena]

The one time I've been on a dating portal I put "I'm asexual" in the greeting-speech-bubble. Most people didn't seem to read it or had no idea what is was but didn't google it. So, I got dick-picks nonetheless. Sometimes, when chatting with a few indiviuals I told them and that sexual interaction was impossible. I got blocked, never got an answer or rape-threats.

 

So, I tend not to tell it to anyone anymore until the friendship can handle conflicts and such. Sometimes, it's after a few months, sometimes after a few years, in some cases never. And yes, I always go through friendship first. There is no such thing as love on first sight for me. But deep sown in yoghurt I can kinda feel who is trustworthy engough to be told early. Experiences and having been burned often condition an individual well ^^;.

The last time I did that was pretta much after meeting this new person and the answer was like: What, really? You're ace, too??? That's awesome!" Maybe we have this super-power homosexuals are said to have, to where they can just tell someone else is homosexual as well.

 

Another strategy could be, when trying online to use websites that offer the asexual category. However it's not always perfect since the bi- and pan- (for us -romantic-)options usually do not exist, still.

 

Maybe frequenting LGBT+ places like cafés or bars can help, too. I guess, other aces have gotten that idea as well. And BOOM! New faces found!

[Discworld2020]

1 hour ago, MiffKeks said:

The one time I've been on a dating portal I put "I'm asexual" in the greeting-speech-bubble. Most people didn't seem to read it or had no idea what is was but didn't google it. So, I got dick-picks nonetheless. Sometimes, when chatting with a few indiviuals I told them and that sexual interaction was impossible. I got blocked, never got an answer or rape-threats.

 

So, I tend not to tell it to anyone anymore until the friendship can handle conflicts and such. Sometimes, it's after a few months, sometimes after a few years, in some cases never. And yes, I always go through friendship first. There is no such thing as love on first sight for me. But deep sown in yoghurt I can kinda feel who is trustworthy engough to be told early. Experiences and having been burned often condition an individual well ^^;.

The last time I did that was pretta much after meeting this new person and the answer was like: What, really? You're ace, too??? That's awesome!" Maybe we have this super-power homosexuals are said to have, to where they can just tell someone else is homosexual as well.

 

Another strategy could be, when trying online to use websites that offer the asexual category. However it's not always perfect since the bi- and pan- (for us -romantic-)options usually do not exist, still.

 

Maybe frequenting LGBT+ places like cafés or bars can help, too. I guess, other aces have gotten that idea as well. And BOOM! New faces found!

Thanks for the reply and advice, it seems to be the best action going by the rest of the topics floating around- doing ace meet ups and the like.

[brbdogsonfire]

My girlfriend did it in an amazing way. Toward the end of our first date she asked if I knew what asexuality was and then we talked about what it would mean if we continued dating. It allowed for full disclosure on her said and for both of us to ask and discuss it. 

 

Since msot people hide themselves early in the relationship it showed a strong character that has only been proven over time.

[Emeraldyne]

Right now I'm being completely upfront about what I'm looking for. The dating site lets me list myself as asexual, I mention I'm looking for someone who is okay with a low-sex relationship, and I answered all the match questions about sex honestly. Am I limiting who will reach out to me? Definitely. But so far it's gotten me some quality matches with like-minded folk.

 

Otherwise, if you're worried about warning people off before they get to know you, I like how @brbdogsonfire described their girlfriend's approach by waiting until after their first date. My first 'dates' are always low-key coffee meetups - see if there's an interest or if we'll ignore each other and go on about our lives. That seems like a good time to break the asexual ice and give them time to think about how they feel while there's still no real commitment. 

 

Of course, that doesn't help when the online chatter goes to sexting before you've had a chance to meet. I guess it depends on whether you're open to dating someone sexual, since if they're sexting you that's a pretty big clue regarding their orientation. For me, that's my cue to look elsewhere.

[Discworld2020]

Thanks to everyone who gave me their advice and their own experiences breaking the ice. I finally broke my own today and was honest and he took it rather well (with a lot of questions) so see how it goes. 🤞