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GJT67

Never knew why I was a misfit

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GJT67

Hi all, I joined this forum way back in 2009 but don't think I ever wrote an introduction, so here goes.

 

I have spent a lifetime wondering why virtually every other person, male and female, wants and pursues a normal sex life while I have never done this. On top of this I've always been a shy person and qualify as having social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality disorder, with a touch of Asperger's to boot! I just assumed that my lack of a sex life was due to my social disorders, but I could never understand why I would quickly make any and every excuse to get out of taking things further on those few occasions when a woman would show an interest and want to start a relationship. Many times I stopped and asked myself if I was gay, but I've never felt romantic or sexual interest in another man, so I knew I couldn't be.

 

At the same time I do have the ability to fall in love with women but it is always a childlike non-sexual attraction, and to me the usual love = sex concept assumed by society doesn't make sense. I had a few big crushes on girls during my school years, just as all guys have, but at the same time the idea of having sex with them seemed 'unnatural' to me, almost as if I feared it would ruin any relationship that developed!? I've carried this same dualistic and opposing view of love and sex with me ever since, and I am now 52. I've also had a few very close friendships with women during adulthood but again these did not involve any sexual contact.

 

I've only had sex once in my entire life, and that was with a female penfriend I visited when I was in my 20's. She introduced me to her friends at a party and I ended up drinking and also smoking some pot, neither of which I was used to at the time, and I ended up having the courage to try and be like a normal man for a change. But the next day I left in a hurry and never returned, and have not had a single sexual encounter since. And yet I still find women attractive and would like to have a relationship and fall in love, just not feel forced into having sex.

 

Here in Australia, being a 'real man' means being able to boast of your sexual exploits when in the company of your mates, and I've always just made up fictitious stories of my alleged 'conquests' to stop suspicions being cast my way. Despite having no interest in men, admitting to a lack of experiences with women would invite various gay taunts and other ridicule. If anyone ever found out about this post, for example, I'd never live it down in my smallish rural city.

 

Anyhow, sorry for the very long post, I hope everyone has a great day.

Greg

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crazy ace

Hey! welcome! I totally get what you mean by being a misfit.

I'm going to get you cake:

390f8351ee21ec86255c3a7660029eac.jpg&f=1

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SunnyBee

Hey, another Aussie! Staying safe in the bushfire catastrophe? Welcome!

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Lichley

Welcome! And here I thought being a “real man” was fighting crocodiles barehanded. Guess I’ve just got unrealistic expectations huh? :P 

chocolate-chocolate+cake.jpg

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Moderne Jazzhanden

Welcome aboard! 🙂

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MichaelTannock

@GregW67 A very belated welcome back to AVEN!
 
Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Australian didgeridoo" cake (all edible),

http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/257800-australian-didgeridoo-cake-music-around-the-world-collaboration

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GJT67
On 11/12/2019 at 2:40 PM, SunnyBee said:

Hey, another Aussie! Staying safe in the bushfire catastrophe? Welcome!

Thanks for asking, yes luckily so far I haven't been in a direct line of fire (I live in the Southern Tablelands area).

 

I also want to say thanks to everyone for the welcome and sorry for not replying sooner. I still have a bit of a hangup about the whole asexual issue, probably made worse by the fact that sex seems to be presented as normal every single time you watch anything on TV!

 

 

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