Eva Blue Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 I'm from a small town, and am romantically attracted to women, but growing up I think I learned to displace my feelings and settle for friendship...and now that I'm an adult its f*cking me up lol. I see an amazing girl and I think "yes. I want you in my life" and then my big dumb, big dumb dumb brain instantly get into a "friendship" headspace and then gets sad when these women pair off with someone else Haha. Does/did anyone else feel this way? Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 Well it's noticing when your feelings change and deciding whether or not to pursue them. Link to post Share on other sites
brbdogsonfire Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 I'm a sexual who typically likes to be friends with someone for a long while before dating them. I've always been concerned that trying to move the friendship to a relationship could ruin the friendship if it goes bad. It's a hard thing to juggle. The simple truth is if I am romantically attracted to someone it means they are the type of person I'd also be good friends with so it's hard to avoid. It is difficult to do at first but it's very possible to ask someone out while not making it awkward between you if you get turned down. In my experience of having friends both ask me out and me asking them out it's mostly up to the person doing the asking to maintain the friendship. The person asked out typically won't be bothered by it while the person being turned down can be frustrated which can lead to a friendship ending. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 Stupid heteronormative socialisation is to blame, as is so often the case. You're definitely not "too stupid" for a homoromantic relationship! As some people have already suggested here, I would say that you can befriend them first, and then just see how things will develop. Friendship and romance aren't mutually exclusive. And to combat the demons of heteronormativity in your head, keep asking yourself what your heart really wants. Next time, picture yourself as the person your love interest is going to pair off with. Maybe you will end up as platonic friends, after all. Maybe you won't. 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
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