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Tsukiko

Ways for meet asexual/demisexual partners? Have you ever met asexual people in real life?

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Tsukiko

Hello there! I'm new here and this is the super first post I write. I'm 20 and I'm from Italy, mine is a simply curiosity because I've never met another demisexual person in real life; I would love to meet other people ""Like me"" and share questions and curiosity or simply talk.. I would love to hear your story or recommendation :)

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lowLifeLoner

I meet an asexual a few years ago that later told me I was asexual, Now I'm here. otherwise I have been suspicious about people being asexual but never confirmed. We are pretty hard to spot as we don't really stand out in anyway. That being said though straight people spot us as gay from a mile away... 

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knout

Yes! Although it depends if you mean a chance meeting, then no, I think it's not very likely... of course possible.

But as in met an asexual online (AVEN / Acebook) and then see them in real life, yes that's happened to me at least twice :)

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Laurann

Yes. I've met 5 asexuals in real life, none of them through meets. 1 of them is demi. 1 of them is unconfirmed (as in, he said 'I'm not into men and also not into women', but he hasn't explicitly said he's ace/aro).

 

They're all just classmates, friends, friends of friends. I didn't go out of my way to look for them.

 

Oh and about 3 or 4 times when I came out to friends and was about to start explaining what that meant, they were like "Oh yeah, I know this other asexual bla bla..." I haven't met those, so I don't count them.

 

Depending on what kind of social bubble you tend to move around in, and on how open you are about your own asexuality, it can actually be quite likely that you'll meet other aces randomly.

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Techie

I myself have never met anyone who has said to me they are asexual. I know quite a few never marrieds like me who live active lives and do not date, and I am pretty sure they are but without telling me or wearing a black ring as I do, I ave no idea. My sister has (had?) a colleague who said he was and it was her remarking that to me several years ago that I told her I was too.

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Skycaptain

The only times I've met fellow asexuals and demis have been at AVEN meets and pride events. 

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Nima
10 minutes ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

The only times I've met fellow asexuals and demis have been at AVEN meets and pride events. 

and what a lovely bunch you are!

 

I think aside from ^ such meets,  I think I probably met a bunch of asexual people, I just didn't know it.  heck, I didn't even know about my own asexuality for 40 years... meaning,  it's not really apparent unless one chooses to actively display it by wearing the ring or flag accessories.  When there's an obvious attempt from someone to get to know you sexually,  there's a reason to being it up. but if two asexual people meet,  bringing up sexual talk is probably the furthest thing off their minds,  so how would you know? 

 

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AceMissBehaving

I found once I was very open about my asexuality that I actually know a lot of ace, grey, demi folks. Most of them don’t talk about it, but reached out to me privately after I made a few social media posts.

 

It’s the flip side of the “you only need to be out to potential dating partners” thing, because not many people talk openly about it, it’s almost impossible to gauge who on our lives might also privately be ace.

 

 

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Eudora

I've never met in real life anyone who is asexual. Maybe in the past I have, but they didn't know what it was, like me until recently.

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BreeMoo

I knew one person irl that was Asexual, they were the reason I even realized it was a thing at the time. They actually just came out as he/they too, which half surprised me since I considered him she/they for a while anyways without them saying since they wanted to go by Abe instead of his female birth name since college. They moved to Boston to be with their SO and I don't know anyone else around that is ace. 😞

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Linda60

I never met another asexual in real life that I know of.  If the asexual population is really 1%, then the likelihood of you bumping into another asexual while out shopping, getting gas, seeing a movie, isn't too good.  And, as others have said, how would you know?  Since someone's orientation is a big deal (heterosexuals and gays and lesbians know how strong their orientations are, and how they affect many aspects of one's life) I would like to announce my asexuality unapologetically all the time to everyone, with pride.  But that's not going to happen right now.  I don't want to turn into a walking tutorial.  I don't want to be the token "freak" of a social group.  I don't want to hear that I'm sexually repressed.  Heterosexuality is not healthy, right, and normal and asexuality is not unhealthy, wrong, and abnormal.  Heterosexuality is just common.  I'm really glad that asexuality is starting to be discussed and that there's a flag for it.  I told a therapist I see that I was asexual recently.  I thought he'd laugh or say something like "If that makes you feel better about yourself . . . " but he didn't.  He said he had a relative that "claimed to be" asexual.  I suggested that his relative might know who s/he was and that he should maybe believe her/him.  Anyhow, the therapist wasn't bad.  He did say "You make a good case."  Can you imagine a heterosexual person needing to "make a good case" to establish their orientation as believable?  It's a crazy world.

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darkgreen

It's tough. I wrote something on this that was published in The Asexual in 2018. Following, an asexual apparently had read it and reached out to me. We lived fairly close to each other (maybe 60 miles apart), but after a few months, never heard from the person again. Shame. Would have been nice. I agree with everything on here and feel very much like Linda60. I am out, but in a way, "in". I, too, do not want to be a walking tutorial. Sort of a paradox outside of the Internet. Just going about and living life but harder to find friends as you get older and those "like you". That's the tricky part. 

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teatree
9 hours ago, darkgreen said:

Just going about and living life but harder to find friends as you get older and those "like you".

Yes, definitely harder to find friends as you get older. To me, though, it doesn't matter if they are asexual (none of them are, that I am aware of). Most of my friends I've known for decades--some are married (happily or otherwise), but sexuality doesn't dominate our conversations. (Only a few of them know my orientation.) And just because someone else is asexual doesn't mean you will "click" with them, right? That being said, I have found some long-distance friends through AVEN; we email, write, and/or text to varying degrees.

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darkgreen

Exactly, teatree. I think that is key. Friendship, acquaintances, it does not matter our orientation. What matters is that we have people in our lives - be it friends and/or family. It makes meeting people easier when we do not focus on orientation. And, it puts a lot less pressure (in my view) on the whole process. Being able to enjoy each other's company is the best part.

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fishcrow

Funny story!

I actually briefly dated someone I believed to be pan or possibly bi, since she had had partners of both genders before. Our relationship wasn't very close, even though on paper we seemed like a perfect fit for each other. When we met again at a bus stop almost a year later, I mentioned that I was now publicly out as asexual. She expressed how she felt as though she was an asexual, too, and it was just so validating to learn that we'd both grown comfortable with ourselves in the year after we'd last spoke. She added me back to her new phone, and we now focus on our creative needs instead of relational needs, as friends.

 

I should be meeting her again for a Christmas party soon lol

Edited by fishcrow
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Linda60

My asexuality is a huge part of my identity.  I tried to be an extremely sexual person to cover up my asexuality.  I went through years of therapy and medications to treat depression and anxiety.  I was ashamed that I was not sexually attracted to others.  I thought I was ill and the world seemed to agree with me.  When I was 16 my family was horrified because I had not started puberty, though my sisters, 1 older, 2 younger, had had breasts and periods for years.  My mother took me to a gynecologist who looked at me as if I were a freak.  He told her to wait a year (and at 17, I did develop).  I tried marriage (twice).  My husbands were baffled by my lack of sexual interest. I found myself trying, increasingly, to avoid social situations because they always landed me in an anxiety-producing situation of having sex that I didn't want, hurting another person by refusing sex, or just feeling like an anomaly. Nobody in novels, nobody on television, no one in movies was like me.  I graduated with an engineering degree, then got an MBA, then went back and got a B.A. in psychology, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. 

 

When I discovered asexuality my world filled with happiness and hope and my interest in people blossomed.  That there were others like me, and that perhaps they were not ill, maybe they were even happy and healthy, was simply astonishing.  Still, I know no other asexual in person, just on this site.  It does matter.  I would love to hang out with an asexual, especially older ones, like me.  Can you imagine being a gay person and having absolutely no gay friends?  I accept sexuals as truly having an intense life-long passionate interest in sex.  Our whole society and movies and books and laws and schools and medicine and art is ALL based on sexual people running the world.  I just get tired of it.  I'd like to watch one fabulous movie, where the main character is asexual and they are not portrayed as pathetic, ill, or miserable.  

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