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Dan_1985

Does anybody who classes themselfnas asexual ever dream of having kids?

 

I find myself longing to find someone who desires to have children but still so confused as to what I am personally.

 

Some times sex is the furthest thing from my mind and I feel like I could live without it. Other times occasionally I find myself thinking of men and women. 

 

Ive never really spoke to this about anyone so I wasn’t sure if I was gay, straight, bi or asexual.

 

Ive just started to read into it and found that the asexual spectrum is as varied as everything else. 

 

Confused is an understatement but coming here and seeing everybody else is very comforting.

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KrysLost

nope, their quite disgusting to me. either way i consider myself doing a service to the kid by never having them. 

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Dan_1985

For me I long for that parental experience. Nurturing young ones into the world with all the fun and love that comes with it.

 

i see my nephews and nieces and it makes me dream of one day having my own.

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Jade Cross

 Lets see here: a minimum of 18 years with the added wait time of conception. Thats an estimated 9,986,400 minutes of my life, an investment of easily over $570,000 by current  living standards without taking into account extracuricular expenses, likely to worsen with time; periodical lapses of either arguing with a spouse and later on the kid over mundane crap, legal obligations and dangers at the drop of a hat.

 

How is this apealing again?

 

 

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KrysLost
2 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

 Lets see here: a minimum of 18 years with the added wait time of conception. Thats an estimated 9,986,400 minutes of my life, an investment of easily over $460,000 by current  living standards without taking into account extracuricular expenses, likely to worsen with time; periodical lapses of either arguing with a spouse and later on the kid over mundane crap, legal obligations and dangers at the drop of a hat.

 

How is this apealing again?

 

 

Honestly a cat has so much more value to a person. THEiR GREAT

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Guest

There are asexuals that have children/want to have children. It's a diverse community.

 

I used to think about the possibility of having children but it was before knowing for sure that I'm asexual. Now in my 30s it's not something I consider at all.

 

Do what's right for you. You could even just work with children as a compromise if wanting a part in their development.

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bare_trees

Why not consider adoption?  It seems like a perfect option for those who don't want to conceive naturally.  And I'd be willing to bet there are a lot of asexual women who don't want to go through pregnancy and childbirth.

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Dan_1985
7 minutes ago, Invisible Man said:

There are asexuals that have children/want to have children. It's a diverse community.

 

I used to think about the possibility of having children but it was before knowing for sure that I'm asexual. Now in my 30s it's not something I consider at all.

 

Do what's right for you. You could even just work with children as a compromise if wanting a part in their development.

I think for me the appeal of having my own children is what does it for me. That home environment is something I long for with a partner to have that loving family life. 

 

The memories of family trips etc all is something I really want in life. Hopefully one day I’ll find someone like minded who wants the same thing.

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Laurann

I'm not sure if I want kids in the future, but if I do, then it'll be adoption.

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Guest
3 minutes ago, Dan_1985 said:

I think for me the appeal of having my own children is what does it for me. That home environment is something I long for with a partner to have that loving family life. 

 

The memories of family trips etc all is something I really want in life. Hopefully one day I’ll find someone like minded who wants the same thing.

I can understand that. It's what I found appealing too.

 

I think there's definitely hope for you to find a like-minded woman to start a family with. Finding one is complicated, I would admit.

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Dan_1985
7 minutes ago, Invisible Man said:

I can understand that. It's what I found appealing too.

 

I think there's definitely hope for you to find a like-minded woman to start a family with. Finding one is complicated, I would admit.

Yes it is hard. But now I have found this place I’m hoping to find groups and meet ups where I am. 

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Guest
2 minutes ago, Dan_1985 said:

Yes it is hard. But now I have found this place I’m hoping to find groups and meet ups where I am. 

You have location on your side at least. There must be a greater number of asexuals available to meet in the London area.

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GatsbyGirl

Id consider adopting a moody teenager then having a thing come out of me, never ever want those things yuck.

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crazy ace

While I can understand and respect those that would like to have children, I myself feel that between my ability to raise a child, and the amount of resources and effort required to do so, me having a child would be disastrous.

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Skycaptain

@Dan_1985, there are some who identify as Asexual who have children, either by doing the deed prior to identifying as Asexual, or by doing the do solely for the purposes of kidlet production. 

 

I get the impression that for many who identify as Asexual, grey, demi et al, the most difficult part is finding a romantic partner who has a similar sexual compatability to yourself 

 

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Dan_1985
9 minutes ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

@Dan_1985, there are some who identify as Asexual who have children, either by doing the deed prior to identifying as Asexual, or by doing the do solely for the purposes of kidlet production. 

 

I get the impression that for many who identify as Asexual, grey, demi et al, the most difficult part is finding a romantic partner who has a similar sexual compatability to yourself 

 

That is exactly where I am at. It’s a lonely life so far for me but finding this place gives me hope. 

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Whore*of*Mensa

I had a child, in strange circumstances (not necessarily due to my orientation!) - I've raised her mostly on my own. I don't regret it for a minute although it is not an easy thing to do. My daughter is 17 now and she's great.

 

I would say, only do it if you REALLY want to do it - but there are many ways to have children without a partner, it's getting more and more common. 

 

You may also find someone who wants the same kind of relationship as you do. I hope so! Good luck 🍰

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DarkStormyKnight

Honestly I think I'd only ever have kids if I ended up with a partner who really wanted them. I personally have no desire to do the getting pregnant or the single parent thing.

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Mogolo

I look forward to having a baby. Everyone is different. Asexuality is a very broad spectrum. I understand what you are going through with those questions. I asked myself if I was a lesbian or bisexual at one point. It is an interesting personal journey, having to discover yourself. 

 

I wish you all the best. 😉

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Lockylocks

First of all you don’t have to have sex to get pregnant/have biological children.

 

I always wanted to adopt. Since I was little I had this plan that I’d adopt a little girl from Peru. But with adoption laws changing and how complicating it can be that dream seems even more unrealistic. Even adopting within the US makes me a bit unnerved. I don’t want to have to prove to social workers that I can raise a child when others who have bio children don’t have to. Plus I’d probably be doing it as a single parent which seems like I wouldn’t be a great choice anyways.

There’s a community of single mothers (parent) by choice who either adopt or use sperm banks to become single parents. I think buying sperm seems like a more realistic choice for me and not as complicated as adopting. 

 

I never gave it much thought when I was younger but now that I’m almost 30 it has been more on my mind. I’d still need to get my life together enough to even actually consider it. But I also don’t want to be an old mother...

 

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IceQueenn

Nope. I can't imagine myself having kids ever.

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appleseedy
On 11/6/2019 at 1:19 PM, Dan_1985 said:

Does anybody who classes themselfnas asexual ever dream of having kids?

 

I find myself longing to find someone who desires to have children but still so confused as to what I am personally.

 

Some times sex is the furthest thing from my mind and I feel like I could live without it. Other times occasionally I find myself thinking of men and women. 

 

Ive never really spoke to this about anyone so I wasn’t sure if I was gay, straight, bi or asexual.

 

Ive just started to read into it and found that the asexual spectrum is as varied as everything else. 

 

Confused is an understatement but coming here and seeing everybody else is very comforting.

i always felt exactly the same, except i have 2 children before i ever heard of asexuality

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Silence4now
On 11/6/2019 at 7:44 AM, Jade Cross said:

 Lets see here: a minimum of 18 years with the added wait time of conception. Thats an estimated 9,986,400 minutes of my life, an investment of easily over $570,000 by current  living standards without taking into account extracuricular expenses, likely to worsen with time; periodical lapses of either arguing with a spouse and later on the kid over mundane crap, legal obligations and dangers at the drop of a hat.

 

How is this apealing again?

 

 

I have two kids. I have sacrificed far more for them than money could ever account for. I guarantee my best smiles are their fault. They know when I need them. My time is not simply for me, but the rare souls that wish to share their's with me as well. They are love. Unconditional.  Silence4now

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Sewing_shadows

I have kids. I was in my 30s before I realized I was a gray ace. I did not enjoy being pregnant or giving birth to them, but they are joy beyond joy. 
 

@Silence4Now says it so much better than I could, but I don’t regret having children for one second. The biggest adventures and the smallest moments are equally priceless. 

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Silence4now
1 hour ago, Sewing_shadows said:

I have kids. I was in my 30s before I realized I was a gray ace. I did not enjoy being pregnant or giving birth to them, but they are joy beyond joy. 
 

@Silence4Now says it so much better than I could, but I don’t regret having children for one second. The biggest adventures and the smallest moments are equally priceless. 

I appreciate the compliment. Sadly I only see my kids half of their time due to divorce. I honestly believe they are better off for that. It clearly would have been better for them had they been born to parents that could control themselves as much as they wished to control others. I am glad they do not have to witness the abuses that were going on for so long. I managed to keep them from the worst of it and my recovery has been difficult at best. I may never trust anyone enough to have a love ever again. They are the light when the hour is darkest.

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Jade Cross
13 hours ago, Silence4now said:

I have two kids. I have sacrificed far more for them than money could ever account for. I guarantee my best smiles are their fault. They know when I need them. My time is not simply for me, but the rare souls that wish to share their's with me as well. They are love. Unconditional.  Silence4now

Sorry but I dont subscribe to the idea that love exists, much less that its unconditional, even from a parent.

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Silence4now
2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Sorry but I dont subscribe to the idea that love exists, much less that its unconditional, even from a parent.

It's ok. I spoke my heart. You are welcome to feel different. It is my opinion there is room for both.

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flacomedicen

I don't want to have kids, even pets. I don't like the idea of be in charge of someone, I prefer the autonomous beings :) and plants haha. That was a reason for having the vasectomy about three moths ago. Despite of that I think it's necessary to be supportive with single mothers due to the multiple obstacles they live in this patriarcal society. That's why I'm taking care of a baby (1 y.o.) currently along with they mother and another (male) friend, we all rent on the same house.

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KrysLost
On 1/20/2020 at 12:36 PM, Jade Cross said:

Sorry but I dont subscribe to the idea that love exists, much less that its unconditional, even from a parent.

Humans are not capable of unconditional love. Even if we don't like the idea of it. There's always a breaking point for someone.   

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Sewing_shadows
On 1/20/2020 at 10:49 AM, Silence4now said:

I appreciate the compliment. Sadly I only see my kids half of their time due to divorce. I honestly believe they are better off for that. It clearly would have been better for them had they been born to parents that could control themselves as much as they wished to control others. I am glad they do not have to witness the abuses that were going on for so long. I managed to keep them from the worst of it and my recovery has been difficult at best. I may never trust anyone enough to have a love ever again. They are the light when the hour is darkest.

Love and light to you. If you are healing from an abusive situation, generations behind you and generations beyond you thank you for the hard work you’re doing to break the cycle and heal. Children certainly have a way of being a bright spot when it’s needed. 

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