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lanland

How to survive college/university...???!!!!

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lanland

Hey folks... I'm pretty new (and not too active) on here.  Maybe just seeking input or support or commiseration from people because the hypersexualized culture in college is so isolating! Frick! So now I'm here because this kinda sucks.  "cuffing season" and hookup culture is everywhere, and I can't seem to find any asexual friends or community.  Anyone have guidance on how to survive? All my friends and roommates are in relationships and its so isolating! (Plus I dont want to talk about that) I go to parties to say hi to people but for most people it seems like they go to find someone to "hook up" with? wackkkkk. *sighhhhhh* 

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SithGirl

I'm sorry you're feeling isolated. Try and find some clique you want to belong to, or some place you can hang out when not in class. I found one study hall we could be in to just chill, then began hanging out in the other hall filled with all the loud nerds. That was my junior college, at my university I just hung out at work or in the giant building filled with club rooms and restaurants. 

 

There are serorities and fraternities or clubs for basically anything interesting. Not everyone is looking to hook up or date. Maybe get a job on campus to meet people through that? Try and find a group of people who aren't obsessed with dating and sex. 

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lanland

@SithGirl thanks ❤️ as an introvert, it's hard to start over social group wise, but I rlly appreciate the comment and the kindness! there are soooo many student groups on campus- I think i'm just scared. 

 

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SithGirl

@lanland I'm an introvert too. I spent 2 years in my junior college and the first year was spent almost exclusively hanging out with the few friends I had from high school hanging out in various places where it wasn't loud or too busy. We found a good lounge near the end of the year. Only reason I joined the Japanese club and went to the nerdier lounge was because a dude in my class decided to talk to me after seeing anime pins on my bag and got me to go. It was a great idea but I was terrified. I also had to force myself to join the Psych club just so it would look good to transfer if I was involved (was majoring in Psych at the time) and ended up meeting my bf.

Then when I transfered I literally made 0 new friends until I started working there a year later. People would talk to me, I just wouldn't do much but talk to them in class. And one friend I made through work (who had seen me at my junior college) pushed me to make more friends later. 

 

So yeah, social discomfort for later rewards.

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Ennis

Hi there!

Another introvert chiming in. I know it's incredibly difficult. Maybe it helps to remember that there are actually many introverted people around you who are just as uncomfortable, even though they don't look it.

Here's a mini series on loneliness, in case you're interested. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06mp7zv

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Luftschlosseule

A good way to find a few introverted friends is looking out for a kind of gaming group, where you meet once a week and play board games, card games, maybe pen & paper. I find it helps to have a topic to fall back on when your ideas for small talk run out.

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Aebt-Ætheling

There are people who are not into the hypersexual culture you experience so the task becomes trying to locate them. I second trying to locate a club, or maybe try to gain some friends outside of the hypersexual culture you are surrounded by thanks to your present friends and roommates. When I first went to parliamentary-style debate club I was completely worried and felt very out of place, but I continued to show up each meeting and debated and now I am a regular member of the club. Even if no one there I would consider a friend it allowed me to get out and involved in something to lessen the isolating feelings. You will probably have to force yourself to do things that do not come naturally, such as showing up amongst a large group of people who you do not know and feel very out of place in, but it might help you. Maybe try to talk to some of the people you are in class with, specifically ones who seem less-likely to be into the hypersexual culture. I know trying to tell who is into it and who is not can be hard, but sometimes you can get a good idea based off their actions.

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DryRain
On 11/6/2019 at 12:51 AM, lanland said:

as an introvert, it's hard to start over social group wise, but I rlly appreciate the comment and the kindness! there are soooo many student groups on campus- I think i'm just scared. 

 

I understand that greatly!

I was very lucky to have some high-school friends who aren't socially dumb like me and I got to befriend the people I met through them. I think I've made a single friend that I hadn't met through someone else, and I don't really talk to them very often (even my girlfriend i've met through my best friend who lived on the same floor!).

Clubs with your interests are probably your best bet, and if you're like me and you straight up can't start or butt into a conversation, then you better pray that someone comes up and starts talking to you and be slowly included through that, and if you aren't like me then you're all set :) 

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DarkStormyKnight

Oh man it can be so hard to find uni friends who aren't into partying and hooking up, I really feel for you there. But you are still so new to college life, you'll find your niche eventually! You're surrounded by so many new people, and the introverts are definitely not the ones advertising their events, so you're bound to find more.

Are there clubs or orgs dedicated to things you're interested in? That could be a good way to meet like-minded people!

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Tintinfan

Clubs and society's are are good way to go about finding new people. Its really worth while trying to find one you like. With that you could try and start to make friend with class or lecture mates.

 

Good luck with it. In my first weeks of uni i felt a bit isolated but found myself with a group. In some cases it just takes a bit of time .

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Janus DarkFox

I’ve never had any connection with this so called sexualised college and university culture.  Weather because being ineligible for housing so not living the life.  I’d was there just for the study And the work placement and little else.

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