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KoiFishShoes

Changing romantic orientation label?

How many times have you changed your label for your romantic orientation?  

22 members have voted

  1. 1. Number of times

    • 1
      6
    • 2
      6
    • 3
      0
    • 4+
      2
    • Mine hasn't changed.
      8


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KoiFishShoes

As you learned more about your sexual, romantic, gender, or other identities, how many times do you think you changed your romantic orientation in response?

 

For example, I believed I was heteroromantic for at least a decade, then bi or poly romantic (since definitions slightly vary, whichever of those you consider to mean "at least two, so far not including my own"). If I do decide I am genderflux, I am definitely biromantic.

 

Just curious about other folks' experiences.

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SithGrinch

Romantic? 0 times. I've only messed with other labels.

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KoiFishShoes

And of course, it didn't occur to me to include 0 in my poll. Since no one else answered yet, I went back and added an option. :)

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iyote

I chose "mine hasn't changed" because I actually didn't label myself at all until I heard of asexuality/aromanticism.  

I always knew I wasn't interested in romance or marriage, so it honestly never occurred to me to apply hetero labels to myself, even in a very heteronormative society.  It just wasn't something that crossed my mind.  

It's funny to look back on that time because I have no idea how I would have responded if somebody had ever asked my orientation.  

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Anthracite_Impreza

Once. I thought I was aro, eventually realised I was romantic, now identity as objectum/mecha-romantic.

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Custard Cream

I went from an assumption of heterosexual in my early teens to 'OK I like girls too, I must be bisexual' in my late teens, to my current position of panromantic ace, which I'm certain is accurate as things stand. 

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Strifed

I haven't changed mine since I never knew there were romantic orientations before joining AVEN, and when looking over the terms I just knew aro fit me (and ficto for the other half). But I did get closer to someone recently that makes me question the aro part 😩, but I haven't changed anything yet because I don't know where to categorize my feelings 😶 and I'm not too pressed about it though 😆 I'm just... "Strifed" at this point ☠️ I just am what I am 💀

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PoeciMeta

hope mine won't change. 

I thought of myself as ''not attracted'' and stuck a privative A on myself before I knew it was even a thing. I'd hate to discover I experience something I'm averse to. 

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DeviousDex
On 11/4/2019 at 8:06 PM, KoiFishShoes said:

As you learned more about your sexual, romantic, gender, or other identities, how many times do you think you changed your romantic orientation in response?

 

For example, I believed I was heteroromantic for at least a decade, then bi or poly romantic (since definitions slightly vary, whichever of those you consider to mean "at least two, so far not including my own"). If I do decide I am genderflux, I am definitely biromantic.

 

Just curious about other folks' experiences.

I'd say I'm Demi/pan or asexual. I usually say Ace because I rarely find anyone interesting in that way. 

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maybeimamazed

I identify as aromantic ever since I found out that your sexual and romantic orientations can be different and that hasn't changed.

 

But my sexuality has moved from hetero to bi to ace.

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kiaroskuro

I think two or three times, if not more. I'm so done with labels.

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Firefly8

It hasn't changed since I realized different orientations existed. I was indoctrinated as a child to believe that only cishet was real. I accepted that I didn't quite fit that mold after I accepted that I was believing things without evidence.

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Bluebellstar

Once. I thought I was heteroromantic, then I realised I was aro.

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HikaruBG

Once. I originally thought that I was heteroromantic (tho at the time I thought that it was heterosexuality being the default orientation) until much much later when certain things happened which ended up with me realising I'm biromantic... something I was already suspecting of being true but I wasn't sure if my own feelings would agree.

 

 

Edited by HikaruBG
adding clarification

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darvyn

since discovering different romantic attractions i've fluctuated between several, but haven't properly identified as more than 2 (demiromantic/panromantic). but tbh this is something i'm still hashing out lol.

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questdrivencollie

Used to think I was hetero-romantic, then biromantic, and now.... Well, I haven't been attracted to anyone in a long long time and have little to no interest in a romantic relationship, so now I ID as greyromantic.

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Janus DarkFox

hetro, aro, homo, bi and back to aro.  None of this time where there any tangible attraction or desires.

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Moderne Jazzhanden
1 hour ago, Janus DarkFox said:

hetro, aro, homo, bi and back to aro.  None of this time where there any tangible attraction or desires.

I can understand your assumption of hetero to start with. But, given what you've said above, why didn't you just stick with aro after that? 

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Janus DarkFox
On 11/16/2019 at 12:51 AM, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

I can understand your assumption of hetero to start with. But, given what you've said above, why didn't you just stick with aro after that? 

Probably should of sooner though know better now I guess.

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Moderne Jazzhanden
12 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Probably should of sooner though know better now I guess.

But this is rather interesting! 🤔 

 

If there was 'no tangible attraction or desires' - presumably either romantic or aesthetic - what was it that impelled you to redefine yourself?? 

 

And would you mind explaining what you mean by tangible? 

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Janus DarkFox
15 minutes ago, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

But this is rather interesting! 🤔 

 

If there was 'no tangible attraction or desires' - presumably either romantic or aesthetic - what was it that impelled you to redefine yourself?? 

 

And would you mind explaining what you mean by tangible? 

I had nothing to go on romantically but had an attraction of something which turned out to be nothing in the end.

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Laurann

I kind of always suspected I was bi/pan, but I'd say "I guess I'm straight then?" (literal quote) to anyone who asked before I had 'proof' that I could be attracted to girls. My crushes came in pretty late.

 

I had a brief 'Oh noes am I aro?' period, but I wouldn't say I actually changed my label during that, it was just questioning.

 

So I went with 'mine hasn't changed.'

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Moderne Jazzhanden
1 hour ago, Laurann said:

I kind of always suspected I was bi/pan, but I'd say "I guess I'm straight then?" (literal quote) to anyone who asked before I had 'proof' that I could be attracted to girls.

Most Aces go through a questioning period as far as I can tell. 

 

1 hour ago, Laurann said:

I had a brief 'Oh noes am I aro?' period

I'm in a permanent 'Oh Yes!' state of mind! 😎 🤣

 

1 hour ago, Laurann said:

it was just questioning.

 

So I went with 'mine hasn't changed.'

That seems understandable to me. 

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Moderne Jazzhanden
1 hour ago, Janus DarkFox said:

... an attraction of something which turned out to be nothing in the end.

Sounds fascinating and mysterious. 

 

Would you care to expand? 

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Janus DarkFox
1 hour ago, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

Sounds fascinating and mysterious. 

 

Would you care to expand? 

Not a lot to go on, I was approached by another furry on Facebook who’s very local, he liked my Janus character as a femboy.  He was interested to meet me personally.  I had serious suspicions it was all a prank, it being April 1st after all.  I arranged to be met together offline at the next meetup public ally when I’m attending a meet-up, my monthly fur-meet locally.  I met the guy, it was his first time talking in person so it’s awkward.  Over time we got to know each other better, everything else fit together dispute no attractions other than the curiosity of doing romance and sex the first time.  
 

I had something for him and it all went away within a few weeks, we still see each other a few times a month as we developed a spiritual therian/animal connection a fox and the wolf deal.  After 3 years there’s no sexual/romantic or any other attraction other than this spiritual connection which I’m grateful for.  The BF feels the same way but has the added additional romantic/sexual attraction and miss me when we can’t be together.  He also does have a fetish for femboys, furry porn, large butts... yiff stuff... I’m trans fem and Agender, the 2 fits in some way. 

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Moderne Jazzhanden
44 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said:

After 3 years there’s no sexual/romantic or any other attraction other than this spiritual connection which I’m grateful for.  The BF feels the same way but has the added additional romantic/sexual attraction and miss me when we can’t be together.

Okay, now yer talkin'! 🙂 Thankyou for making such a forthright and explicit response. 🙂

 

So it seems to me that if you've felt sexual/romantic attraction in the past (but not necessarily simultaneously?) you are therefore fluid - either (a)sexually and/or romantically. What would you say to this? 

 

And if you don't mind my asking... 

 

... are you relieved that your connection with this person you mention is now 'just' spiritual? And is this (partly) why you currently identify as aro?

 

... have you ever identified as questioning or have you always been sure - at any given time - about how you are oriented? 

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Janus DarkFox
8 minutes ago, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

Okay, now yer talkin'! 🙂 Thankyou for making such a forthright and explicit response. 🙂

 

So it seems to me that if you've felt sexual/romantic attraction in the past (but not necessarily simultaneously?) you are therefore fluid - either (a)sexually and/or romantically. What would you say to this? 

 

And if you don't mind my asking... 

 

... are you relieved that your connection with this person you mention is now 'just' spiritual? And is this (partly) why you currently identify as aro?

 

... have you ever identified as questioning or have you always been sure - at any given time - about how you are oriented? 

Nothing, I thought it was sexual or romantic or going to go in that direction, then nothing. We connect with the same interests, circumstances and the same disabilities as well as that spiritual bond.  It’s an animal spirit connection that isn’t any particular attraction described anywhere.

 

I like this arrangement though, no attractions, having this connection for the last 3 years, no desires or pressure to behave in a sexual or romantic way.

 

Questioning yeah... about 8 years ago discovering my asexual difference, perhaps 6 for the romantic, maybe 4 for the gender.  I’ve always been sure and being in a relationship for such long with everything else in place.  It really solidified my aroace orientation.  If the relationship ends, I’ll be happy without another one.

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