Trying to figure out if I experience romantic attraction!

[upsidedownduck]

Hello! I have recently discovered that I am asexual, and now that I know that, I want to figure out my romantic attraction. I'm still a teen and have never been in a relationship, but I have had what I think is a crush, but might be a squish. Aros, help! How did you know you were aromantic? How can I determine if I experience romantic attraction? How can I tell what the difference is between a crush and a squish?

[Galactic Turtle]

Pretty much I just ended up in my mid twenties, realized I'd never had a crush and essentially completely forgot to date. Thought about what I wanted in a partner, then realized I already had all of that in my friends and had no interest in pursuing relationships of a romantic nature.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

If you have to ask, you haven't felt it; that's the bottom line.

[Firefly8]

I've wanted to be very close deep friends with people, but never really wanted to date anyone like that. Dating never interested me and if anyone showed interest it was flatering, but uncomfortable. The thought of dating felt like a chore to get to a fairytale "happily ever after", but I didn't like the thought of the reality of "ever after." Spending that much time with someone felt like a chore too. Only the fairytale of a soulmate/partner and the beauty of that "love" sounded nice, but not the reality that goes with it. I finally realized I was different after far too many years. Everyone else had been in relationships except me and that didn't bother me.

[SithLord]

What draws you to another person? Can you see yourself being with them? Holding hands, cuddling, kissing? Do you want to talk to them for hours at a time? Are you depressed when you can't see them for long periods? Do you think about them all the time?

 

Romantic attraction is difficult to quantify, like sexual attraction. It's mostly if you want more than friendship from a person. And by "more than friendship", I don't mean to make QPRs seem like "only friendship" but rather specify the "more" is not just loyalty or exclusivity. 

Do you ever desire to have the relationships they show on TV or in movies? Almost every show has a romantic subplot or five, and most movies have a bit of it, even if it's bad. What do you feel if you picture yourself in that kind of relationship? 

[upsidedownduck]

Thanks for the insight! I think that until I figure it out more fully I am going to use the term "greyromantic." This was super helpful, and I love more input from anyone who can give it!

[Alawyn-Aebt]

51 minutes ago, SithGirl said:

Do you ever desire to have the relationships they show on TV or in movies? Almost every show has a romantic subplot or five, and most movies have a bit of it, even if it's bad. What do you feel if you picture yourself in that kind of relationship?

I want to point this out, trying to decide if you are aromantic or not based off pop culture depictions of romance might not be the most reliable way to decide. I myself am really repulsed by nearly all romance as portrayed in movies (nor do I want to partake in anything stereotypical romantic or date), yet I do feel romantic attraction and so therefore I am romantic.

[SithLord]

2 minutes ago, Aebt-Ætheling said:

I want to point this out, trying to decide if you are aromantic or not based off pop culture depictions of romance might not be the most reliable way to decide. I myself am really repulsed by nearly all romance as portrayed in movies (nor do I want to partake in anything stereotypical romantic or date), yet I do feel romantic attraction and so therefore I am romantic.

Correct, it was just a different way of thinking about it. Thank you for the disclaimer though.