Some say that romance makes us human, what does that mean for us aros then?

[Artistic__Miles]

What defines humans isn't something I typically care about, as for the most part the discussion mainly just boils down to people trying to differentiate ourselves from other animals in a way of trying to prove superiority. This, of course, is a pointless endeavor, as each species has different characteristics/behaviors to better adopt themselves to their environment and these characteristics are rarely unique to one species. That however is not the point, there are plenty of books and resources discussing that topic. What I am trying to understand is what people who think romance is essencial to humanity think about aros. Are they merely ignorant of our existance, or are they choosing to ignore us for the sake of their arguement. Or do they truly believe us to be unhuman, to be somehow lesser than?

[Chocolatastic AroAce]

I thought it was love that made us different....I don't remember it having to be specifically romantic.  Not sure what people mean by that...animals can love each other too. The whole argument is flawed..... whether it is meant to dehumanize us, or make humans seem superior to animals. Love comes in all forms.

 

As for what people mean, I think most people just don't understand or realize that there are people who do not want to get romantically involved with others. The idea is as strange and confusing to them, as them having that attraction is to us.

[Guest]

Duh, you're (we're but im sadly grey-romantic) aliens. Live long and prosperous.  

 

On a more serious note, something the general population experiences and the culture that centers around it... it makes sense they wouldn't be able to relate. Just as you cannot relate to their experience of romantic love. However, only an idiot would think romance is a necessity to living and having a quality life. I say we all throw them in THE HOLE (of therapy to work on their self-love). Then we can all bond over the fact that cake is great. 

[Guest]

It would be hard to convince an non-aro person that you don't experience romance but i don't see how, in the face of the spectrum human sexuality, that they could say you don't exist. 

[Rynn]

"Some say that romance makes us human,"

 

Well, some would be wrong then.

 

2 hours ago, DistressedAro said:

Or do they truly believe us to be unhuman, to be somehow lesser than?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's this paper which provides evidence of exactly that, yeah. (It's technically about asexuality, but it works for aromantics just the same, probably more so even.)

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1368430212442419

Intergroup bias toward “Group X”: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination against asexuals

 

Extract from page 734:

Spoiler

Our dehumanization results are particularly compelling. Asexuals (relative to heterosexuals) were dehumanized with regard to both dimensions (represented as animalistic, and particularly as machine-like), regardless of whether these assessments were based on traits (i.e., characteristics) or emotions (i.e., sensation capability). Generally speaking, asexual dehumanization was greater than that characterizing other sexual minorities, showcasing this bias as serious and extreme. Sexuality appears to be perceived as a key component of humanness. The dehumanization measures employed did not explicitly reference sexuality, yet asexuals were strongly biased against on these measures. Thus, characteristics/emotions representing humanness are clearly intertwined with sexuality and/or sexual desire.

 

The article is behind a paywall. If you can't access it via your university library or whatever, I have the PDF, so if you PM me I could probably send it to you.

 

Anyways, I think as aromanticism becomes more known about, people will be less likely to say that romance is what makes us human, because they'll know it's a dumb argument. I do think it has a lot to do with ignorance.

 

Edit: Actually. I'm going to be uncomfortably honest right here. When I was first finding out about asexuality and aromanticism (which was almost 5 years ago), I was looking through YouTube videos, because I needed to see asexual faces to believe aces were actually real and were just normal people, and not sad loners (I'm so sorry for this phrasing but this is literally what I thought). I came across a video by an aromantic girl (at the time there was just one. Yes, I looked for more, there was none), and I remember being SO surprised that she seemed normal. I sent it to my sister with all caps LOOK THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY ROBOTS! 

 

So uhmm, to answer your question 'do they actually see us as less human'... yes. I believe so. 

I'm really sorry. I guess I'm proof that people's minds are changing? That's a positive thing we can take out of this, right? I'm really really sorry. Truly. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I think it's important to be honest about this kind of thing. If you want me to delete this part of my post, I will. It's terrible, I know.

[Whore*of*Mensa]

I don't know..Romantic love is often seen as something that Disney and Hallmark have sold us in order to make money...I am not sure that everyone sees it as so important. It might be a recent Western cultural thing.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'll never understand this "what makes us human" shite; if you're a member of Homo sapiens, you're human. Why make it any more complicated? And I say that as otherkin, I still have to accept the body I was unfortunately born in.

[Snao Cone]

What is it about romantic love that's more human? The jealousy? The possessiveness? The irrational indulgences? There is, of course, more to romantic love than that, and those things can be found in other emotions as well. But when I talk to my romantic friends about how they feel that kind of love, I don't see it as fundamentally any more human than the things I feel. I'm passionate about various issues, empathetic to other people, affectionate towards dogs, and feel inspiration towards creative pursuits. I'm invigorated by certain experiences, and motivated by certain principles. I still think and feel in the abstract, and can conceive of higher concepts that humans are (as far as we know) uniquely capable of experiencing. I would say people who don't think aromantics are fully human are less skilled at some of things than I am, which just shows that there is diversity in human beings in all areas that proverbially "define" us. 

[Guest]

If romance makes you a human being, then salad makes you a woman, and ice hockey makes you a man.

[Tabula Rasa]

The idea that romantic love makes us human is like the idea that a life of no sex will make you die of a stroke.

 

It's nonsense and it's dehumanizing.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, DistressedAro said:

What I am trying to understand is what people who think romance is essencial to humanity think about aros. 

I'm not aro (though I detest romance in fiction or anywhere else) but I've never come across this kind of sentiment before. I mean, Christianity (one of the most popular religions in the world for the past 2000 years!!) even elevates the status of those who abstain from romantic love and sex as long as they have a title to go along with that (nun, priest, pope, etc). Those people are seen as more pure and godly than the rest in the eyes of the church aren't they? And Jesus (the dude who they base their beliefs around) is also meant to be single (no romance) and celibate in their Bible, but they all worship him!  

 

I guess I just never heard anyone saying that romantic love is actually what makes us human, seems like an odd sentiment to me!!! (and obviously totally false if it's true that people say that, because what makes us human is the fact that our parents are human. If our parents were horses, we'd be horses too!!) heh

[Skycaptain]

What makes us human has more to do with biology than cerebral function. 

Love, courting, grieving for lost members of the group are all experienced by other species. 

 

[Lord Jade Cross]

.

[Guest]

If someone isn't human, then they're dancer. 

 

Those are the only two options.

[fuzzipueo]

What makes us human includes quite a wide number of factors, from how our genes code for particular hominid traits (like large brains, opposable thumbs) to how humans use technology to adapt to a wide variety of different environments animals have not yet achieved (but conceivably could at some point in the future). Relying on one thing like romance is a bit silly and short sighted in my opinion.

[Duke Memphis]

What makes us human isn't our romantic orientations (or lack thereof) or having a soul or feeling love, it's just our DNA. I'm not aro, but I think that romance is just one aspect that most humans share.

[gisiebob]

good of a time as any to explore transhumanism!

[PoeciMeta]

Humans aren't different from other life forms. They evolved as an eusocial species, and thus it's beneficial for them to form various social connexions with many other individuals. Romantic connexions are valued because they're a generally a strong, relatively stable bond, which furthermore favours procreation. ''Humanity'' is just a species though. 

[Lunala]

Aros = gods.

[Marrow]

When I think romance I think passion, which is probably one of the most human things. Taking passion in something you do, no matter what folk say, against the odds, is what makes us human. That and mortality... 

[Sally]

You don't have to pay attention to what "some say."