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NewAce7

Creating close meaningful connection

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NewAce7

Hi Y'all,

 

It's quite apparent that the World is highly sexual. Everything is so sexualised and focus around sex that it becomes difficult to approach a lady without anyone thinking you both might become compatible sexual partners.

 

 

Because of this fact I make friends with the opposite sex only within business and professional network and I keep it that way for the fear of messing things up when she tries to shoot her shoot and discovers I am not interested (speaking from experience).

 

In the past when I was way younger, I always come out clean to the lady telling her my intention of being a friend, which has nothing to do with dating her or possible having sex. This way I am left with 30% of my lady friends.

 

My question to all non asexual people:

* How can I create a meaningful connection and just be friends (With the ladies).
* How do I make sure I stay nice and not send any wrong signal

* Does it make sense as an adult to come clear with a lady who seems to be getting close that I just want to be friends.
* How can we survive this sexual World.

 

Thanks.

 

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Galactic Turtle

I'm aro ace so the exact opposite of what you're looking for but....

 

You can't force meaningful or long lasting relationships with people. Sometimes you just click with people more than others and that is how friendship grows. I am a woman and none of my friends are male. That's just how it worked out. However many of my friends have people they're just as close to who are male.

 

Also I think the typical friend you make will not develop romantic and/or sexual feelings for you. If they do, simply turn them down. If that's all they wanted from you in the first place then the friendship probably won't work out and that's fine.

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NewAce7
51 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

I'm aro ace so the exact opposite of what you're looking for but....

 

You can't force meaningful or long lasting relationships with people. Sometimes you just click with people more than others and that is how friendship grows. I am a woman and none of my friends are male. That's just how it worked out. However many of my friends have people they're just as close to who are male.

 

Also I think the typical friend you make will not develop romantic and/or sexual feelings for you. If they do, simply turn them down. If that's all they wanted from you in the first place then the friendship probably won't work out and that's fine.

Thanks for you advice.
I asked this question because a friend informed me a lady friend of mine has a crush on me. I will just do what I have always done, and if the friendship ends because of that; it's just fine.

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Man of the Stoa
2 hours ago, NewAce7 said:

Thanks for you advice.
I asked this question because a friend informed me a lady friend of mine has a crush on me. I will just do what I have always done, and if the friendship ends because of that; it's just fine.

That's the best way to go about it. I've found doing a preemptive strike and telling folks you aren't attracted to them tends to leave a sour taste in their mouth, while just never picking up on their signals or matching their advances is seen in a more neutral light. If all they want is a relationship, stonewalling them might end the friendship, but it's also very possible the romantic feelings will fade with a bit of time and the friendship will linger. 

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brbdogsonfire

There is no easy way to get people not to think your interested or to stop people from being interested in you.

 

I've been dating the same person for 6 years and during that time I've made a friend with another woman. She knows about my relationship and that am happy in it. She made a move while on a long school trip (3 weeks of camping) and was noticibly upset for a couple days after. She hasn't tried anything else and has been a good friend since. She has accepted I'm not interested in anyone else including her and moved past it.

 

Some people may take it as a personal insult but others will accept being turned down. There is no reason to fear people making a move as it's easily handled.

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Sithgroundhog

I know I'm not the one you're asking, but to the question about "How to not send out the wrong signal," you're going to have to look into what signals those are and how to consciously avoid them. These things can be subtle. Like girls are told not to laugh at guys' jokes too often or it can be seen as flirting. Things like replying to texts right away, always making eye contact or positioning your body to look at them, etc. can be seen as normal or interpreted as subtle flirting. It's not all 100% obvious stuff, but these are also the stuff many normal people don't notice. Asexuals can sometimes just have no knowledge of flirting, doing so without realizing it or being oblivious to others doing so. 

Something you can look up are stupid tips and tricks videos like "How to know if (s)he's into you" and avoid everything they talk about.

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NewAce7

Update:

I had the opportunity to have a conversation with her, and she took it quite positively.
The friendship looks good so far and I am positive it will remain so for a very long time.

 

Thanks Guys.

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