Can someone have an allo orientation throughout life than drift to ace or demi???

[Acequestionmark]

ok so I’m a newbie here and I’m quite confused about myself. CONTENT WARNING: There will be some mentions of sex, but I’ll try to make it as least explicit as possible.

 

I’m a 30 yo cis woman. I’ve always seen myself as a bi, allo person. I’ve never had the highest libido but I had very vey frequent sexual thoughts, especially in my teens.

 

Last year, after a 6 month relationship that was the longest I’ve ever had (I’ve always had more casual flings than serious bf or gfs) I found myself thinking less and less about sex. The relationship was difficult but not traumatic I think. I just feel like I kind of got... “over” sex?

 

not going into detail, but let’s just say “allo behaviors” I used to have became less common. For the last year the idea of having physical contact with someone pretty much irks me. I go on tinder and whatnot and I look at people and think “what? Why? What’s the point of this?” Not only the sexual aspect of relationships but also the romantic one seem more and more meaningless and unappealing to me. Fantasizing has also become less frequente for me. The number of people that give me sexual thoughts has dipped dramatically. I just feel entirely differently about sex and romance. Not repulsed but totally uninterested. 

 

so, is it possible to drift towards asexuality or maybe demisexuality later in life? Is it more likely this is just an ebb in my sex drive? 

 

 OH! important side note: I’m on 50mg of sertraline. It is said to lower sex drive a bit.

 

Has as anyone ever had similar experiences? 

 

Thanks if you da the patience to read all this. 

 

TL;DR: 30 year old cis bi lady. Always deemed myself allo, although with a below average libido. Around 1 year ago felt a dramatic fall in sex drive and romantic interest. Takes 50mg sertraline. Wondering if someone can drift towards asexuality or demosexuality later in life.

[AceMissBehaving]

It’s possible, but it sounds like it could be related to the medication, I don’t know if that’s something that might be worth talking with your doctor about.

[Guest]

56 minutes ago, Acequestionmark said:

TL;DR: 30 year old cis bi lady. Always deemed myself allo, although with a below average libido. Around 1 year ago felt a dramatic fall in sex drive and romantic interest. Takes 50mg sertraline. Wondering if someone can drift towards asexuality or demosexuality later in life.

I definitely think the meds could have a lot to do with it, but also as we age we can experience changes in sexual desires etc. What you described feeling now (not being into the whole 'casual thing') is something many people (especially females) do experience. It's like a biological thing or something where we start needing more of a connection before we can feel that 'spark' (probably something to do with evolution because of needing a 'mate' to stick around to help protect and provide etc??? Totally not relevant anymore bit biology hasn't seemed to have caught up yet, hehe). Sadly if that connection is hard to come by, it can mean it takes us much longer to feel that spark again, and that sucks Y_Y But it's not actually a change in sexual orientation, just a change in desire patterns!

 

But yes back to those meds. (TMI sexual stuff). I went on meds for about 6 months back in 2014 and they were a nightmare for my libido. Not that I was actively seeking sex with others, but even just masturbating was affected negatively. And this awful thing started happening that when I did get aroused in any way, it became impossible to orgasm so you're just left frustrated and unhappy and stressed out. Honestly it's never fully recovered (that's something medical professionals are aware of but generally won't tell people for whatever reason) but yeah for most people, the issues do right themselves once the meds are stopped or changed (though obviously always consult your doctor first!!)

 

However yeah it could totally just be normal changes that come with sexual desire patterns as one gets older (not that 30 is old but hopefully you know what I mean!)

[Guest]

Also can I just say the whole "antidepressants killing female sex drive, lubrication, and ability to orgasm" thing is really messed up and ironic. Doesn't seem that doing that to a woman (or a man, or anyone!!!) will be that beneficial for depression 😕

 

But yeah that's a different topic, just something I've always had an issue with regarding SSRI medication.

[Hadgr]

@Acequestionmark

 

Definitely not a doctor but I work in a pharmacy and yes loss of 'lust' or libido are a common problem with sertraline. It's not just that, these kind of meds tend to take the edge of emotion in general and make people more apathetic (perhaps why you feel as though it's all meaningless). I'm not sure how long you've been on sertraline but usually the first things you experience are the side effects and it might take a couple of weeks for the rest to kick in. After awhile things should 'normalize', if it doesn't a change of treatment might be in order. But who knows... maybe it's not the medicine.

 

No matter the reason, welcome to aven!

[ExquisiteMystery]

Yes, welcome, regardless of how you arrived.

I agree with the others that SSRIs definitely lower libido (women and men), and ability to orgasm can disappear. It's wretched, but can be balanced by feeling less horrible about life in general. I'd also mention, if libido comes back completely, it may take a (very) long time.

I do think women's brains change as they age, but am not convinced that complete loss of sexual interest as common as society would have us think. I've met 80+ year olds who are all about their boyfriends.

[R_1]

The thing is that there are absolutely no solid proof that sexual orientation cannot change because there is no evidence sexuality cannot be altered by neurological changes, and people has went blind or deaf due to changes of the brain. So, as long as there's no solid proof of that, sexuality can actually disappear. It isn't a issue at all unless one is distressed about it. But, however as @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) pointed out, decrease in desire is more likely than permanent death of sexuality.