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Questions on Aromantic and Queerplatonic Relationships


CrypticLemonade

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CrypticLemonade

Hello everyone! I'm new on here and you can call me Lem!

 

Just recently I have come to terms with the fact that I am 100% asexual and accept that. However, I'm curious as to which romantic category I fall under... While I have had the desire to call someone my partner and be able to spend the rest of my life with someone, I'm not sure about kissing and the likes. I have tried dating a man, hoping that it would help me discover what I feel and potentially force me to develop romantic feelings in some way even though I know it was unhealthy, but it just made me more confused. The entire time during dates or just hanging out I felt uncomfortable, emotionally distant, and whenever he would kiss my cheek or put an arm around me I wouldn't like it. It even took him to have an emotional breakdown in front of me for me to finally be willing to hold his hand. Even then, I didn't start acting like my true self around him until I asked him if we could be friends rather than romantic partners. I have never been necessarily romantically attracted to anyone either. I can tell who looks nicer and what other people would consider attractive, but I've never internally felt "Oh wow, I would love to suck face and hold hands while staring longingly into their eyes". I guess my question is: would that be considered aromantic or is there another term I haven't heard of that fits me more?

 

Another thing is that I also came across the term "queerplatonic relationship". I was told it means a relationship without the sex, kissing, cuddling, stuff like that, and it more like a friendship. I was just wondering if I happened to be looking for a partner in the future, would that be a term to bring up?

 

I feel stupid for asking, but an answer would be absolutely amazing! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

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What you describe is very much the same for me all my life. I've never wanted sex so I never engaged in it. I once knew a girl for over two decades and sex was never an issue. She had boyfriends but I didn't care. Why she thought I never wanted sex was never discussed. I don't think either of us cared. Ours was not a tactile relationship. I can't ever remember touching her. I suppose the relationship was more important than any potential sexual encounters. I'm left with the impression her sexual relationships were rather shallow. I don't think her partners were her friends. I might have been the only one she had. Unfortunately I'm old enough to start outliving my friends and this is what happened with her. I did find another "girlfriend" though. She's even asexual. Rather quiet and a bit aloof, I still think she enjoys my companionship. I'm twice her age so I doubt I will outlive her. Then again one can never really say never. Best to just live one day at a time.

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CrypticLemonade

@Yeast I'm glad you were able to find people who understand you because I know that can be rare at times. I hope you continue to be loved and appreciated ☺️

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Galactic Turtle

Well it's definitely safe to say you weren't attracted to that person. A QPR doesn't really have a concrete meaning. People usually use the term if they think their partnership is atypical or if the type of partnership they desire would come off as atypical. It could be useful language to you. Definitely sounds like your experience would line up with that of many aromantic people.

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2 hours ago, CrypticLemonade said:

but I've never internally felt "Oh wow, I would love to suck face and hold hands while staring longingly into their eyes".

Just this by itself doesn't necessarily mean you are aromantic. I am romantic but sucking someone face or staring longingly at them is not something I would ever want to do. Some romantics are into these actions, but others, such as myself, have absolutely no desire to manifest our romance in such a way. You still might be aromantic, but I think it is important to realize that just not wanting to longingly stare into someone's eyes or engage in long kissing does not by itself indicate no romantic feelings, as many romantics can attest to.

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