What Makes Someone Shallow?

[Artistic__Miles]

Okay so this isn't a rant nor is it strictly about ace/aro topics, but it's something I've been thinking about. What do y'all think determines if someones shallow?

[xToasty]

What exactly do you mean by 'shallow'?

[Snao Cone]

I think it's if they go by arbitrary "rules" rather than thought processes or examining their feelings. This could be things like "I can't be seen with that person, they're a 7 and I only associate with 9s and 10s" (which can apply to sex, romance, friendship, or any other interaction). Putting more emphasis on income/wealth than anything else also fits here. Reducing someone to their aptitude or knowledge of an arbitrary thing is shallow (like a certain IQ score, or what culture they've consumed). These things don't bother looking into more essential personal traits, like their character or attitude. 

[Grimalkin]

I think, typically, it means as close to its dictionary definition as possible: "Of little depth." When applied to a person, it would suggest that that person cares only about "superficial" things, often to the exclusion of things that are considered good and decent, like other peoples' well-being, intellectual pursuits, and general bettering of themselves outside of physical appearance and material possession. 

 

It gets thrown around a little too liberally by people who want to bring attractive people down. If someone takes a long of pain to maintain their appearance, or if they enjoy buying luxury items, and especially if they don't have much interest in academics (which, lets face it, is very common and not exclusive to people with an interest in fashion or appearance), people may label them "shallow" out of distrust or jealousy. Sometimes it's founded, sometimes unfounded. 

 

I think typically when I use it, it's in reference to people like @Snao van der Cone said above. Mostly at folks who not only have very high physical standards for the people of their romantic or sexual preference, but actively make it known that people who do not meet this standard are somehow unworthy and irksome. It's the difference, say, between quietly having a preference for thinner people, and going out of their way to vocally denounce and shame bigger people. 

[uhtred]

I think of it as not looking at issues in any detail, just looking at the surface

 

So someone who says "global warming is bad, we should just ban all fossil fuels".   Its a quick simplistic view, without figuring out how to actually make that work

 

Or: "sex oppresses women".   Well, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't - again a very complex question.

 

"True love conquers all".   IMHO, not really. 

 

that sort of thing, people who say things without really thinking about the implications. 

 

[argar]

I don't think anything makes someone shallow.

 

We start out as shallow when we are children.

 

Most of what we care about, and want, is usually self centered.

 

So, I think being shallow is probably a sign of immaturity. 

 

And lets be honest, you can be 50 and still be very immature. 

 

 

[RoseGoesToYale]

42 minutes ago, argar said:

We start out as shallow when we are children.

 

Most of what we care about, and want, is usually self centered.

But I think there's a difference between the egocentric needs we all have for survival purposes (food, water, shelter, protection, love/acceptance) and having these needs met but only appreciating people (or things) for their readily pleasing aspects without appreciating their deeper qualities or meanings, things which might spoil the pleasantness. E.g. you can like a painting and stare at it because it looks good to you and makes you feel good, without ever interacting with its details, the life of the artist, how much work they had to put in to planning and creating the work of art, or the painting's broader effect on others and the world. To be shallow asks only "what?", to go deeper is to ask "who, why, and how?"

 

I think in terms of human relationships, any relationship based only on the other person looking good to them (could be based on sexual attraction or just aesthetics), pleasing them only based on what sensory information is readily available, or providing some tangible material benefit not related to survival is shallow.

[Guest]

If they only care about things that are superficial.

[Klaus]

When I saw this thread I expected to meat a page full of confirmation seeking. I thought that people who care about shallowness by definition are shallow. I thought it was just another way to strengthen egos and create social barriers (Just like I am doing right now (sorry about that)). Well this thread is not about that at all. 

 

If I had lived under the filosofi that each word means what it is used for. Then "shallow" has a surprising depth to it. 

[Skycaptain]

5 hours ago, DistressedAro said:

Okay so this isn't a rant nor is it strictly about ace/aro topics, but it's something I've been thinking about. What do y'all think determines if someones shallow?

I look in a mirror 

[ben8884]

Moved from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Philosophy Politics and Science 

Ben8884 Moderator for Asexual Musings and Rantings 

[Guest]

We are all shallow one way or another. 

 

Some more than others. 

 

To me, to a certain extent, if you have standards you will be shallow. By definition, wanting what one feels they deserve is shallow at times. 

 

My significant other knows I approached her because she is beautiful. I was pretty blunt about it when she asked "why me?" eluding to the "tons of other gorgeous girls out there".

 

What had me drop my guards and open my heart was the character and who she was. It otherwise remains hardened and guarded.

 

Without, she was just another pretty face which is unattractive to me.  

 

I have been called shallow before after admitting I dated a girl a few years back because she was beautiful. 

 

To me, I asked: "If I was morbidly obese, lived in my mother's basement and was unemployed would you have given me your number let alone given me a month + of your attention and time?"

 

She laughed. I then asked "what if I smelled good and had a bus pass?"

 

She had standards, so wanted a man she was attracted to. Wanted to settle down, so wanted a career oriented man. Not some broke and lazy dude. 

 

I honestly don't see what is wrong with having standards. 

 

Or why one must be shamed automatically for being shallow regardless of reasoning.

[J. van Deijck]

For me, a shallow person is someone who values good appearance & material goods over personality. It's probably a very vague definition, but well.