Why do people talk about their sex lives?

[Anonymous Axolotl]

There’s something that I’ve always been very confused about: why do people talk about their sex lives?

 

Yes, I get that sexual people like sexual things and love being exposed to or reminded about sex in some way, but their sex life? Why do they have to share that with others? Their partner trusted them with intimacy in a very personal and private situation, yet… they go off and talk about it with others—sometimes people their partner don’t even know—without their partner’s permission. Why is it socially acceptable, and even expected in some cases, for people to talk about their sex lives?

 

If their best friend talked to them in a one-on-one conversation, or sent a private message/text about something personal, such as, let’s say they found out they have some medical condition, would they go out and tell other friends or post on social media about it? That’s obviously a breach of trust. Why are people’s sex lives the exception?

[DryRain]

Since sex is so glorified, it's a form of bragging. If you're having sex then you're "cool" unlike the "virgins" over here. 

It's a Us vs Them, or out-group vs in-group if you will, where the non-sex-havers are demonized for "not getting any", so if you show by talking about your sex life that you consistently have the sex, then you stay in the in-group.

 

So yeah, it's basically an ego thing.

[SithLord]

Sometimes it's to brag, as if having sex is something praise-worthy. Sometimes it's to talk about their personal issues with their sex lives with friends, like asking for advice. And posting it online can be all sorts of reasons, the worst being "revenge porn" which is just because they know our society still shames sex and sex acts, so it's to humiliate their former partner. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Why talk about anything? It's a subject, just like any other. It just happens to be one that is very tied up in morality and emotions.

[Puck]

Yeah, I think a lot of times it's more to compare situations or work through things people would like support on. Remember that not all people find sex gross or weird. Some people just don't feel it needs to be private. Some people feel like it's just another topic to chat about, one that most humans experience that we might as well share.

 

Sure, among some groups it's braggadocios, but that's... kinda juvenile, sometimes sexist, sometimes ok probably. 

[Guest]

They want attention.

 

Always.

 

No exceptions.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

7 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

They want attention.

 

Always.

 

No exceptions.

Don't we all want attention though? Isn't that the entire purpose of socialising?

[Guest]

@Anthracite_Impreza I was joking

 

Everyone does want attention, including myself, but I don't think it's very healthy and I think the best reason for socializing would be to connect with others?

[south paw]

It makes them appear "desirable" is my guess.

Guess if you aren't having sex and talking about it, then "nobody finds you sexually attractive"...which in most aces case, that is the whole point! But for people who are not ace, they wanna still be seen as sexually attractive by others. As if they "still got it."

[crazy ace]

Maybe it's because it's a relatable experience for most people? Also, Most people I know don't explicitly talk about their sex lives, though that could just be my experience.

[Sexual Ally]

why do friends people talk to their friends about about anything meaningful in their life?  If I'm concerned about an aspect of my sex life, it's often helpful to speak with a trusted friend to gain perspective or advice on how to handle a situation.  Especially if we're talking about a less-than-great experience, it can be a real ego-blow to blurt this out directly to whomever I'm dating without thinking it through.   Or maybe there's something of a sexual nature I want to share --- but the person we're having sex with is not necessarily the appropriate person to address this to.  Friends talk to friends about sex so they can share life experiences without the risk of hurting the feelings of those directly involved, if that makes sense. 

 

If you see someone publicly talking about their sex  on social media, I would tend to assume they're a sexual teenager  who hasn't yet developed a social filter.  

[Anthracite_Impreza]

5 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

@Anthracite_Impreza I was joking

 

Everyone does want attention, including myself, but I don't think it's very healthy and I think the best reason for socializing would be to connect with others?

Oh, that was me being autistic again.

 

Some level of attention seeking is perfectly normal and healthy, it's how we ensure we get included in things to safeguard our survival. Personally I'm quite needy, though my anxiety dampens it down a bit, but I'll talk about steam locos with the same enthusiasm and vigour as a teenage lad talks about his (entirely made-up) sexual conquests

[Pandark]

Same reason people talk about sports, tv shows, hobbies, etc. They think it's fun and it's a topic that's easily relatable for many. Come now, don't be so harsh on other people for having weird hobbies.

[Guest]

@Anthracite_Impreza Nah, you're fine. Neurotypicals would probably take that seriously, too, though I tried hard to make it as ridiculous as possible.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

2 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

@Anthracite_Impreza Nah, you're fine. Neurotypicals would probably take that seriously, too, though I tried hard to make it as ridiculous as possible.

You underestimate the power of autism.

[Guest]

@Anthracite_Impreza Maybe. I've watched videos of people with borderline Asperger's speaking before and didn't really notice any difference in behavior between them and neurotypicals; I felt that maybe people really exaggerate the differences. At least when it is that mild?

[thylacine]

Maybe they are just trying to prove to everyone they are "normal" because they have sex?  Stupid, isn't it?

 

[abandoned-account]

"Sex life" sounds like a silly term to me. How is an activity some kind of separate life (unless maybe you cheat/lie or just keep it secret)? Yet we don't say things like eating or gaming life. lol

[Anthracite_Impreza]

44 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

@Anthracite_Impreza Maybe. I've watched videos of people with borderline Asperger's speaking before and didn't really notice any difference in behavior between them and neurotypicals; I felt that maybe people really exaggerate the differences. At least when it is that mild?

I can tell the difference, I have autism-dar, and I'm pretty obviously autistic after not very long myself.

[Guest]

@Anthracite_Impreza I'll take your word for it then. I can definitely recognize and accept that there are differences (though they're not clear to me in people who are borderline), but I think society exaggerates differences in general.

[Skycaptain]

Do so many people talk about their sex lives though? 

It is a subject that I find hardly ever ever gets raised, apart from in a jocular manner about youthful "adventures". Even going back to my twenties this just wasn't talked about much. 

[Whore*of*Mensa]

I think it might be more socially acceptable when younger to discuss experimentation, exploits etc. My impression is that when people are in serious relationships it's not considered acceptable to discuss their sex life with others, as most people think of it as a private thing between two people. 

 

I may miss out on some discussions due to the fact I'm very clearly not comfortable with it, though!

 

*Edit /ps- I' m pretty sure my husband used to discuss our sex life with a friend, I was mortified about this at the time but when I brought it up he said 'no, I would never do that' which suggests to me he knew it wasn't really a nice thing to do, and that it was a breach of trust..*