Jump to content
Mackenzie Holiday

Should there be a definition discussion forum?

Recommended Posts

Mackenzie Holiday

If this has been tried or suggested before, then ignore me. :) Also, full disclosure, this isn't something I'm necessarily advocating for at the moment, it's more just something I'm putting out there as an idea.

 

Does anyone think it would be useful to have a forum or subforum dedicated to discussing the definition of asexuality and related labels? Having a dedicated area for these discussions might encourage people who disagree with each other to discuss their differences of opinion there, which may make those disagreements less likely to derail threads that are dedicated to other topics. And keeping those discussions more insulated from other forums and threads might make it easier for people who are uncomfortable reading these kinds of discussions to avoid stumbling across them (and more likely to go outside JFF). One drawback I can think of is that a forum called "definition discussion" might be exactly where a questioning newbie would be drawn to, which might only increase the likelihood of them being exposed to off-putting heated discussions early on, so the name may need to be workshopped.

 

Note: Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that any mention of or disagreement over a definition of asexuality should be relegated to this new forum, I'm only referring to discussions where disagreements over a definition are the subject of the discussion (definition debates).

 

It's just something I've been thinking about and I'm curious what others think.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck

I think most of AVEN leaders would love to have as few definition debates as possible, so they don't love this :P

 

Usually, AVEN leadership who are pro people having their own definition are pro it so that new facets of asexuality can be explored, considered, and discussed - so not new definitions, but new understandings of what the current definition could mean. They also want people to have the freedom to explore themselves and make use of a label if needed.

 

They also want AVEN to be loving and welcoming, their first priority is for AVEN to be a place people feel comfy joining and being vulnerable. These definition debates put folks on edge, make some feel unwelcome, make others feel unheard.

 

I honestly don't think the majority leadership feels they want or need a more definitive definition, they are happy with what is. Thus the discussions wouldn't be helpful towards AVEN's priorities/goals, as I hope I showed above.

 

But I could be wrong, I'm attempting to share other's opinions so my apologizes if I did not represent them as well as they would like :)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mackenzie Holiday
1 minute ago, Puck said:

I think most of AVEN leaders would love to have as few definition debates as possible, so they don't love this :P

 

Usually, AVEN leadership who are pro people having their own definition are pro it so that new facets of asexuality can be explored, considered, and discussed - so not new definitions, but new understandings of what the current definition could mean. They also want people to have the freedom to explore themselves and make use of a label if needed.

 

They also want AVEN to be loving and welcoming, their first priority is for AVEN to be a place people feel comfy joining and being vulnerable. These definition debates put folks on edge, make some feel unwelcome, make others feel unheard.

 

I honestly don't think the majority leadership feels they want or need a more definitive definition, they are happy with what is. Thus the discussions wouldn't be helpful towards AVEN's priorities/goals, as I hope I showed above.

 

But I could be wrong, I'm attempting to share other's opinions so my apologizes if I did not represent them as well as they would like :)

Thanks, @Puck! I do see all of this in the words and actions of AVEN leadership. My motive for recommending this was more as a possible way of insulating the rest of the forum from these discussions (perhaps by making it a subforum of the Hot Box), rather than to legitimize them. But again, I'm not at all attached to this course of action and I'm fully open to the view that this is a terrible, terrible idea that would only make matters worse. :)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa
2 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

Thanks, @Puck! I do see all of this in the words and actions of AVEN leadership. My motive for recommending this was more as a possible way of insulating the rest of the forum from these discussions (perhaps by making it a subforum of the Hot Box), rather than to legitimize them. But again, I'm not at all attached to this course of action and I'm fully open to the view that this is a terrible, terrible idea that would only make matters worse. :)

I had this same thought...That maybe it could be contained in one area..Personally as a member I like the idea of being able to predict what will come up in each area so that I can avoid any triggers. But I'm maybe not seeing the full picture. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck
Just now, Mackenzie Holiday said:

Thanks, @Puck! I do see all of this in the words and actions of AVEN leadership. My motive for recommending this was more as a possible way of insulating the rest of the forum from these discussions (perhaps by making it a subforum of the Hot Box), rather than to legitimize them. But again, I'm not at all attached to this course of action and I'm fully open to the view that this is a terrible, terrible idea that would only make matters worse. :)

Well, now we get into my opinion :P

 

I wish that we'd all just choose one definition and move the fuck on. I think it would allow AVEN to make better resources, have a united front when talking with the outside world, and help everyone know what to say when new folks have questions. I feel having a debate forum would encourage AVEN to never move on, make it seem like not having a clear definition is something AVEN wants.

 

I very understand that right now the definition debates are taking over. Sadly, that happens every once and a while, and the fire has been accidentally stoked by some things that are happening around the forum. But it will calm down, it always does. It will probably never fully go away with out some certain choices that I don't think most of AVEN leadership is either capable atm or willing atm to make, but it won't be this loud forever. People get tired of yelling at each other eventually :P

 

Also, it's not a terrible idea at all :) Ideas are worth discussing, offering such an idea might help us better understand the problem. Thomas Edison found 1,000 ways not to make a lightbulb before he found one that worked. But I'm sure those 1,000 came with little victories that taught him one thing or another letting him eventually find the right answer. Thank you for helping us towards the lightbulb ;)

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sithgroundhog

I think it's an idea worthy of considering, but not one that would ultimately solve the problem. We already have Hot Box and PPS for things that can be heatedly debated. Having a place specifically for definitions might make it more difficult to finally stick with one "true" definition. 

 

Though I'm in favor of just holding one big definition debate and putting all our cards on the table. Like the NonSequitur Show on YouTube used to have. Have the different sides come together and choose their representative, then have those representatives have a discussion/debate about it, and see where we end up. It would be the spectators' decision about who "won" and many still wouldn't be convinced, but I believe it might help us see how the other side feels when it's all laid out like that, rather than referenced off hand or not elaborated on. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
OptimisticPessimist
29 minutes ago, Puck said:

I think most of AVEN leaders would love to have as few definition debates as possible, so they don't love this :P

 

Usually, AVEN leadership who are pro people having their own definition are pro it so that new facets of asexuality can be explored, considered, and discussed - so not new definitions, but new understandings of what the current definition could mean. They also want people to have the freedom to explore themselves and make use of a label if needed.

 

They also want AVEN to be loving and welcoming, their first priority is for AVEN to be a place people feel comfy joining and being vulnerable. These definition debates put folks on edge, make some feel unwelcome, make others feel unheard.

 

I honestly don't think the majority leadership feels they want or need a more definitive definition, they are happy with what is. Thus the discussions wouldn't be helpful towards AVEN's priorities/goals, as I hope I showed above.

 

But I could be wrong, I'm attempting to share other's opinions so my apologizes if I did not represent them as well as they would like :)

This. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ithaca
31 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

If this has been tried or suggested before, then ignore me. :) Also, full disclosure, this isn't something I'm necessarily advocating for at the moment, it's more just something I'm putting out there as an idea.

 

Does anyone think it would be useful to have a forum or subforum dedicated to discussing the definition of asexuality and related labels? Having a dedicated area for these discussions might encourage people who disagree with each other to discuss their differences of opinion there, which may make those disagreements less likely to derail threads that are dedicated to other topics. And keeping those discussions more insulated from other forums and threads might make it easier for people who are uncomfortable reading these kinds of discussions to avoid stumbling across them (and more likely to go outside JFF). One drawback I can think of is that a forum called "definition discussion" might be exactly where a questioning newbie would be drawn to, which might only increase the likelihood of them being exposed to off-putting heated discussions early on, so the name may need to be workshopped.

 

Note: Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that any mention of or disagreement over a definition of asexuality should be relegated to this new forum, I'm only referring to discussions where disagreements over a definition are the subject of the discussion (definition debates).

 

It's just something I've been thinking about and I'm curious what others think.

I think it could be an interesting idea to brainstorm further, potentially. The definition of asexuality on AVEN is very unlikely to change, and this has been said a million times, but people seem to keep the debates going, and the fact that they sometimes spill over in places where they have created some problems has been brought up. People might need a space for it. So would a master-thread in HotBox help? Would a whole subforum be needed, or would it feel patronising when it's known that the definition on AVEN's main page is not up for changes?

 

(Also, as technical info, any forum can be set up with restrictions as to who it is visible to, so if we didn't want one to be visible to people before they reached X number of posts, that could be done)

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck
4 minutes ago, SithGirl said:

I think it's an idea worthy of considering, but not one that would ultimately solve the problem. We already have Hot Box and PPS for things that can be heatedly debated. Having a place specifically for definitions might make it more difficult to finally stick with one "true" definition. 

 

Though I'm in favor of just holding one big definition debate and putting all our cards on the table. Like the NonSequitur Show on YouTube used to have. Have the different sides come together and choose their representative, then have those representatives have a discussion/debate about it, and see where we end up. It would be the spectators' decision about who "won" and many still wouldn't be convinced, but I believe it might help us see how the other side feels when it's all laid out like that, rather than referenced off hand or not elaborated on. 

Other option, we all meet in a forest somewhere and hunger games until there is one winner. That winner decides the definition.

 

Just saying, lets think of all options :P

 

(But in all honesty, my kingdom for a vote to choose a definition and end all debates forever more)

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sithgroundhog
11 minutes ago, Puck said:

Other option, we all meet in a forest somewhere and hunger games until there is one winner. That winner decides the definition.

 

Just saying, lets think of all options :P

 

(But in all honesty, my kingdom for a vote to choose a definition and end all debates forever more)

To be horribly unoriginal and steal from Mackenzie on the meme thread:

Spoiler
On ‎10‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 2:33 AM, Mackenzie Holiday said:

3ehxtc.jpg

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

Does anyone think it would be useful to have a forum or subforum dedicated to discussing the definition of asexuality and related labels? H

I think what would be better is if AVEN just took a stance to accurately define normal sexuality, and leave it at that.

 

They just need a page in the FAQ or something that clarifies what actual sexuality looks like!!!

 

Quote

Here is what AVEN needs in the General FAQ:
 

General FAQ: What does sexuality look like?

Sexual people desire to connect sexually with other people for sexual and/or emotional pleasure. This can be triggered by all kinds of factors, but contrary to what many on AVEN assume, it's not always because they get aroused when they see an attractive person. Some sexual people desire sexual intimacy as a result of already being aroused hormonally (edit: that's me lol), some desire sex as an intimate activity they can share with their lover, some just enjoy the pleasure of sex so seek partners to have sex with for that reason. And yes some do become aroused by other people and desire sex as a result of that, but that's only one way to experience sexuality.

 

Sexual people choose partners based on all kinds of different factors. For some it is about appearance, for others it may be that they respect that person, or they're good friends, or they've fallen in love with them. For some, it may be a mixture of those things and for some it may none of those things. There really is no one-box-fits-all when it comes to how sexual people choose who they have sex with.

 

Sexual people also enjoy varying forms of 'sex'. It's not always just PiV, PiA, or oral. Some have a preference to include toys in their sexual intimacy, some prefer their hands, some use actual props or even ropes and whips. What it all has in common is that it's arousing and pleasurable for both, even if it doesn't mimic what we may see on the TV.

 

 

This would clear up so much confusion in this damn community, and prevent so many of the debates!! Because it's a fact that the majority of the debates stem from people misunderstanding 'normal' sexuality. So many people who come here are convinced that sexual people get aroused when they see hot people, and that's what makes them sexual. And if you don't experience that, then you must be asexual. But that is just... so incorrect 😕 It's actually a very male-centric way of viewing sexuality just because that experience is actually far more common among males (especially younger ones). Sure not all males experience it (and some women do!!) but there are also people who can only desire sexual intimacy once they're already aroused (ie as a result of a happy mental state, hormones, etc etc). For these people, life would probably be a lot easier if they could just look at a hot person and want sex as a result, but that's just not how it works for everyone. 

 

So yeah, if AVEN could just take a stance to accurately define 'normal' sexuality, that would make all of this a hell of a lot easier!!!

 

Edit 2, please note: I'm not suggesting asexual people can't have sex. Asexual people can and do still have sex sometimes. Some have sex to try to please a sexual partner, to have a baby, to try to 'fit in' (the same way a gay person might have straight sex) etc, but the difference is that an asexual does not have sex out of an internal motivation to seek and enjoy sexual pleasure with another person.

  • Like 11

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Phoenix the II

tenor.gif?itemid=14026454

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Philip027
Quote

The definition of asexuality on AVEN is very unlikely to change,

And that is why the current situation is very unlikely to change in kind.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck
1 minute ago, Philip027 said:

And that is why the current situation is very unlikely to change in kind.

this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving
10 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I think what would be better is if AVEN just took a stance to accurately define normal sexuality, and leave it at that.

 

They just need a page in the FAQ or something that clarifies what actual sexuality looks like!!!

 

 

This would clear up so much confusion in this damn community, and prevent so many of the debates!! Because it's a fact that the majority of the debates stem from people misunderstanding 'normal' sexuality. So many people who come here are convinced that sexual people get aroused when they see hot people, and that's what makes them sexual. And if you don't experience that, then you must be asexual. But that is just... so incorrect 😕 It's actually a very male-centric way of viewing sexuality just because that experience is actually far more common among males (especially younger ones). Sure not all males experience it (and some women do!!) but there are also people who can only desire sexual intimacy once they're already aroused (ie as a result of a happy mental state, hormones, etc etc). For these people, life would probably be a lot easier if they could just look at a hot person and want sex as a result, but that's just not how it works for everyone. 

 

So yeah, if AVEN could just take a stance to accurately define 'normal' sexuality, that would make all of this a hell of a lot easier!!!

 

Edit 2, please note: I'm not suggesting asexual people can't have sex. Asexual people can and do still have sex sometimes. Some have sex to try to please a sexual partner, to have a baby, to try to 'fit in' (the same way a gay person might have straight sex) etc, but the difference is that an asexual does not have sex out of an internal motivation to seek and enjoy sexual pleasure with another person.

Yes! Along with the fact that not all sexual people enjoy, partake in, or are interested in, hook up culture. 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
Just now, Philip027 said:

And that is why the current situation is very unlikely to change in kind.

 

Just now, Puck said:

this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this 

Again though, if AVEN just makes an effort to accurately define normal sexuality, then I think that would help a lot. Some people come here with so many negative misconceptions about sexual people, and assume you must automatically be asexual if you don't fall into those negative stereotypes or whatever. I've been saying it for years now, but AVEN really needs a page in the FAQ dedicated to accurately defining normal sexuality, to help clear up all the misconceptions about sexual people that are rampant in this community!

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 minute ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Yes! Along with the fact that not all sexual people enjoy, partake in, or are interested in, hook up culture. 

Yes exactly!!! You see so often here people saying 'I do desire sex but can't stand the idea of hook ups, so I'm asexual' ..Y_Y Most sexual people actually don't like hook up culture either, it's often only a vocal minority (especially young people, but not all of them) who are into that!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale
59 minutes ago, Puck said:

Sadly, that happens every once and a while, and the fire has been accidentally stoked by some things that are happening around the forum.

This has happened before!? -faints-

 

Honestly, at this point, I feel a lot of debates could be avoided if threads asking "What is the definition of asexuality?" or "Am I asexual?" were directed, Reddit Bot-style, to the FAQ. It seems cold, but not really. People legit no longer know how to search for information like in pre-Google days, sometimes you just have to tell them where to go so they can read. The FAQ is comprehensive, it answers so many of those basic questions, but newbies don't go in there and read, and so they post questions in Q&A largely answered by other newbies who have not gone in there and read, and by the time any one tries to quote the FAQ, the whole thing has gone to bhjasfdyfauywegf. Plus it's harder to argue with an FAQ that has been compiled, edited, and made official by the workers of AVEN than it is to argue with a user throwing words at you.

 

We could give people resources, which is the whole purpose of AVEN, til everyone's purple in the face, but it won't mean a hill of beans if people don't read them.

 

The more people read those resources, we should get more nuanced/complex questions in the forum that the FAQ doesn't address, things not involving the precise definition of asexuality. One would hope. The definition debate will never be fully solved, but AVEN seems to function best when the focus is away from the definition.

 

J'ai une idée. Un moment, s'il vous plaît...

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza
15 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I think what would be better is if AVEN just took a stance to accurately define normal sexuality, and leave it at that.

 

They just need a page in the FAQ or something that clarifies what actual sexuality looks like!!!

 

 

This would clear up so much confusion in this damn community, and prevent so many of the debates!! Because it's a fact that the majority of the debates stem from people misunderstanding 'normal' sexuality. So many people who come here are convinced that sexual people get aroused when they see hot people, and that's what makes them sexual. And if you don't experience that, then you must be asexual. But that is just... so incorrect 😕 It's actually a very male-centric way of viewing sexuality just because that experience is actually far more common among males (especially younger ones). Sure not all males experience it (and some women do!!) but there are also people who can only desire sexual intimacy once they're already aroused (ie as a result of a happy mental state, hormones, etc etc). For these people, life would probably be a lot easier if they could just look at a hot person and want sex as a result, but that's just not how it works for everyone. 

 

So yeah, if AVEN could just take a stance to accurately define 'normal' sexuality, that would make all of this a hell of a lot easier!!!

 

Edit 2, please note: I'm not suggesting asexual people can't have sex. Asexual people can and do still have sex sometimes. Some have sex to try to please a sexual partner, to have a baby, to try to 'fit in' (the same way a gay person might have straight sex) etc, but the difference is that an asexual does not have sex out of an internal motivation to seek and enjoy sexual pleasure with another person.

Quoting because I cannot like more than once.

 

I had no real idea about sexuality before I came here, I just knew I didn't want it. Education has helped me become less repulsed, bigoted and confused; it's extremely fucking important. AVEN is doing a massive disservice to sexuals and asexuals alike by not allowing proper, demonstrable education to take place and yes, sometimes education means telling people they're wrong. You should be polite, and explain why they're wrong, but it MUST be allowed if we are to ever grow as an orientation. I'm sorry but, imagine if you were never told that you got questions wrong at school and then were presented with an exam. More than likely you'd fail and it would be entirely the fault of the teacher. AVEN is supposed to be that teacher, and we are failing people left, right and centre.

  • Like 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
7 minutes ago, GhostGoesToWail said:

Honestly, at this point, I feel a lot of debates could be avoided if threads asking "What is the definition of asexuality?" or "Am I asexual?" were directed, Reddit Bot-style, to the FAQ. It seems cold, but not really. People legit no longer know how to search for information like in pre-Google days, sometimes you just have to tell them where to go so they can read. The FAQ is comprehensive, it answers so many of those basic questions, but newbies don't go in there and read, and so they post questions in Q&A largely answered by other newbies who have not gone in there and read, and by the time any one tries to quote the FAQ, the whole thing has gone to bhjasfdyfauywegf. Plus it's harder to argue with an FAQ that has been compiled, edited, and made official by the workers of AVEN than it is to argue with a user throwing words at you.

 

But there are some huge issues with the FAQ that only add to confusion sadly.

 

For example, in the FAQ, sexual attraction is described as 'the desire for sexual contact with someone else' (great, that's good, that works!)

 

But then later on in the same FAQ it's also described as 'wanting sex with hot people because you got aroused by them' which is MASSIVELY FRIKKEN INCORRECT AND STEREOTYPED.

 

heh. Sorry to shout, but it's sickening that that's still there in the FAQ as a defining factor of sexuality when that's only how SOME people (especially many young males) experience it. But so much more varied and nuanced than that!

 

Again, I'll reiterate my suggestion to just DEFINE NORMAL SEXUALITY ACCURATELY!!! Many sexual people here have tried to give guidelines for this over and over and over again, and we all agree with each other it's not just one or two people saying something and all the other sexuals saying 'no, it's not like that'. AVEN just needs to accurately try to convey what 'normal' sexuality looks like, to prevent all the misconceptions that come from negative beliefs and stereotypes about sexual people. Honestly it's that simple.

 

(edit: this isn't @ you specifically Ghost, I just wanted an excuse to illustrate some of the flaws in the FAQ!)

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck
6 minutes ago, GhostGoesToWail said:

This has happened before!? -faints-

Yeah, probably every year or so since AVEN began, tbh. So this is a good 17-ish year problem. Yay!

 

7 minutes ago, GhostGoesToWail said:

Honestly, at this point, I feel a lot of debates could be avoided if threads asking "What is the definition of asexuality?" or "Am I asexual?" were directed, Reddit Bot-style, to the FAQ. It seems cold, but not really. People legit no longer know how to search for information like in pre-Google days, sometimes you just have to tell them where to go so they can read. The FAQ is comprehensive, it answers so many of those basic questions, but newbies don't go in there and read, and so they post questions in Q&A largely answered by other newbies who have not gone in there and read, and by the time any one tries to quote the FAQ, the whole thing has gone to bhjasfdyfauywegf. Plus it's harder to argue with an FAQ that has been compiled, edited, and made official by the workers of AVEN than it is to argue with a user throwing words at you.

 

We could give people resources, which is the whole purpose of AVEN, til everyone's purple in the face, but it won't mean a hill of beans if people don't read them.

 

The more people read those resources, we should get more nuanced/complex questions in the forum that the FAQ doesn't address, things not involving the precise definition of asexuality. One would hope. The definition debate will never be fully solved, but AVEN seems to function best when the focus is away from the definition.

 

J'ai une idée. Un moment, s'il vous plaît...

Love all this. So fucking hard. Exactly what I wish.

 

Part of the issue is (an this is coming from a PT member), there is even a disagreement in PT about some things. Without a clear definition, it can be hard to make resources. With AVEN being mostly focused on not invalidating people, resources can be held back.

 

I'm working on creating a few resources right now myself. But I'm honestly not sure if I want to give them to AVEN to use or I'd rather post them elsewhere where I don't have to worry about catering to people who go against AVEN's current definitions.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving
Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Quoting because I cannot like more than once.

 

I had no real idea about sexuality before I came here, I just knew I didn't want it

Same! I turn 40 next year, and the amount of 🤯 moments I’ve had about basic sexuality by reading posts from the sexual people on this forum is embarrassingly high. It’s helped me learn a lot about myself, but also my partner. I honestly knew a lot about the mechanics, but was clueless about people’s motivations and drives.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
OptimisticPessimist
24 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

tenor.gif?itemid=14026454

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
3 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Quoting because I cannot like more than once.

 

I had no real idea about sexuality before I came here, I just knew I didn't want it. Education has helped me become less repulsed, bigoted and confused; it's extremely fucking important. AVEN is doing a massive disservice to sexuals and asexuals alike by not allowing proper, demonstrable education to take place and yes, sometimes education means telling people they're wrong. You should be polite, and explain why they're wrong, but it MUST be allowed if we are to ever grow as an orientation. I'm sorry but, imagine if you were never told that you got questions wrong at school and then were presented with an exam. More than likely you'd fail and it would be entirely the fault of the teacher. AVEN is supposed to be that teacher, and we are failing people left, right and centre.

Exactly!!!

 

It's just a sad fact that many people here are confused and have very negative and/or stereotypical ideas about what 'normal' sexuality actually is.

 

This is reflected in SOOOOOO many of the debates where aces keep reiterating over and over again 'But um, sexual people get horny when they see hot people. That's why they're sexual' (stuff to the effect, which someone literally just said to me in a thread here 30 mins ago).

 

If we could just have an official page to accurately define 'normal' sexuality and answer many of those questions that people are confused over, I think that would help solve the debate issue. We could just direct people there instead of having to explain it ourselves over and over while they insist that we are wrong because sexuals get aroused by hot people and that's what makes them sexual Y_Y

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mackenzie Holiday

@Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) do you think that those changes to the FAQ and the main site outside of the forum would prevent definition debates from occurring enough that no further action (such as a definition discussion forum) would be necessary?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
1 hour ago, ithaca said:

The definition of asexuality on AVEN is very unlikely to change

That is the root of the problem. And it's a problem the BoD stubbornly refuses to address, and instead decides to perpetuate in eternity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving
46 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

 

But there are some huge issues with the FAQ that only add to confusion sadly.

 

For example, in the FAQ, sexual attraction is described as 'the desire for sexual contact with someone else' (great, that's good, that works!)

 

But then later on in the same FAQ it's also described as 'wanting sex with hot people because you got aroused by them' which is MASSIVELY FRIKKEN INCORRECT AND STEREOTYPED.

 

heh. Sorry to shout, but it's sickening that that's still there in the FAQ as a defining factor of sexuality when that's only how SOME people (especially many young males) experience it. But so much more varied and nuanced than that!

 

Again, I'll reiterate my suggestion to just DEFINE NORMAL SEXUALITY ACCURATELY!!! Many sexual people here have tried to give guidelines for this over and over and over again, and we all agree with each other it's not just one or two people saying something and all the other sexuals saying 'no, it's not like that'. AVEN just needs to accurately try to convey what 'normal' sexuality looks like, to prevent all the misconceptions that come from negative beliefs and stereotypes about sexual people. Honestly it's that simple.

 

(edit: this isn't @ you specifically Ghost, I just wanted an excuse to illustrate some of the flaws in the FAQ!)

I can say that when I came to these forums a few months ago I was pretty comfortable that I was asexual, but after reading the FAQ I did find myself more confused than when I started at first. Re some

 

In the end joining the forums, and seeing the experiences of other asexuals, and the long standing sexual members was the thing that cleared it up. 
 

I went back to the site FAQ which I can only find saying " Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.)"

 

I thought it used to say something different but I might be confused

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving
3 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

@Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) do you think that those changes to the FAQ and the main site outside of the forum would prevent definition debates from occurring enough that no further action (such as a definition discussion forum) would be necessary?

100% yes 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Snao Cone
19 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

But then later on in the same FAQ it's also described as 'wanting sex with hot people because you got aroused by them' which is MASSIVELY FRIKKEN INCORRECT AND STEREOTYPED.

Where?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...