Hypersexual sex-averse asexual with anhedonia

[TheSelfLoathingOne]

CW: Masturbation habits, porn, sex

 

I think identify as asexual because I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, at least that's what I tell myself. I've looked at people in the aesthetic sense and I find some people incredibly beautiful, but I've never looked at anyone in a sexual manner. I've never been interested in sex or relationships, although I am only just 18 so there isn't much life experience to base it on. As you get older people increasingly start talking about sex and how good it is etc. So I started feeling pressured to have sex seeing I've never actually kissed anyone before either, I'm as virgin as it gets. 

 

Now here's where it gets complicated. 

 

I have a BPD which leads me to compulsively masturbate multiple times a day and my record, like 10 times in a row. It gets in the way of my daily life, but I guess that not the issue here. It's like a really high libido, I masturbate because it's how I deal with it but in general I just need a lot of sexual stimulation. So I'll just call it hypersexuality for now because it also makes for a better title and because it involves less explaining. 

 

So I feel pressured to have sex and mixing that in with my compulsive need for sexual stimulation. This pretty much makes me really want to have sex, like badly. So now I look at people that I would have sex with, if they are aesthetically attractive. But if I'm looking for aesthetically attractive people to have sex with, isn't that just sexual attraction. It's not that I look at them with intent of desiring sexual contact. So I'm confused about this. 

 

So I'm desiring sex but when I manage to envisage myself in the situation I often feel repulsed. So I feel like I'm sex repulsed but then my compulsive need for sexual stimulation kind of overrules it half the time. Then, if I were to have sex, how are you even supposed to begin. Movie and porn portrayal of sex projects this idea of extremely passionate love, but if you aren't sexually attracted to anyone, how is the passionate bit supposed to work. Like I'm sensually attracted to people but I don't have that raw sexual energy. 

 

And the worst bit is that I'm pretty sure I have sexual anhedonia. Sexual anhedonia is defined as not deriving pleasure from orgasm. So I'm left there, compulsively masturbation, even when I don't want to, and then it doesn't even feel good. If you have sexual anhedonia means you can orgasm and you feel the physical effects leading up to orgasm, but it just doesn't feel good in any way. You jerk one off and meh, your done. That's it. Nothing more. And then you do it twice more.

 

Im not really even sure what I'm asking anymore. I guess I just hope that someone out there is in the same shoes as me or has some advice on what to do. 

[Pangea1430]

I HATE MY LIBEDO It Hurts me Psychologicaly, and emtionaly, and I JUST WANT TO NOT HAVE A LIBEDO ACTIVATE 3-4 Times A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Janus the Fox]

This thread is over 6 months old and  locked due to Necromancy rules, this also to be moved to Asexual Musings and Rantings to at the very least, place the thread where it should have been.

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator