Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Anyone ever done this? Why? Why did I just decide to do this? What do I say? 'Hey, you know how it all went so disappointingly wrong and you always felt like I didn't properly love you? Well, I think I've realised what that was all about...' (He agreed to talk to me but just texted 'if you want to discuss what I think you might, then the answer is yes. BTW'. And now I am terrified of what I might have started and really don't know how I could possibly start this conversation) I don't know whether I want to laugh or cry about this, whether I want sympathy or someone to tell me I'm being an idiot, but honestly any advice would be gratefully received. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 The only person I would think about coming out to is my ex. We're still brutally honest; she basically knows all but this one of my secrets and embarrassments, so she is kind of a pressure release for me. But I don't know if I could explain the sex thing. She knows I haven't been in another relationship, but I have a hard time sorting out our physical one. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 7 minutes ago, Zagadka said: The only person I would think about coming out to is my ex. We're still brutally honest; she basically knows all but this one of my secrets and embarrassments, so she is kind of a pressure release for me. But I don't know if I could explain the sex thing. She knows I haven't been in another relationship, but I have a hard time sorting out our physical one. It's the same with my ex - well, I was always brutally honest, he knows everything about me. I know less about him, but I suspect I know more about him than anyone else...I feel as if I need to talk to him about it, in a way he's the only person it ever affected or ever will affect. We've been split up 5 years now, he has done lots of internet dating and I've never had any inclination to look for anybody else. Problem is, he's most likely to think that's because I'm still in love with him rather than any other reason. I'm starting to realise how unlikely it is that he could understand this. But now he's really curious to hear what it is so I'm going to have to make something up or actually go through with it... Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 I just noticed he put a kiss on the last text. This is such a bad sign. I think I've done a really bad thing. I'm going to go to bed and reflect upon this in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Yikes, that really doesn't sound good, yea. Good luck with him 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 1 minute ago, Zagadka said: Yikes, that really doesn't sound good, yea. Good luck with him 😕 Thanks! Could just say, I'm asexual, that'd probably kill the conversation dead 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 You might text him back and say that he may be surprised at what you want to tell him -- so he won't think you want to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 3 minutes ago, Whore*of*Mensa said: I think I've done a really bad thing. I'm going to go to bed and reflect upon this in the morning. He jumped the gun and assumed things he shouldn't have assumed. That's on him, not on you. Sleep well and I hope everything goes okay in the morning! *hugs if you want them* Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 4 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said: He jumped the gun and assumed things he shouldn't have assumed. That's on him, not on you. Sleep well and I hope everything goes okay in the morning! *hugs if you want them* Thank you...I know, he did jump the gun because I actually did say 'it might help us with closure'...So that was a bit of an indication it was more of a post-mortem than anything else..? I hope! Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 5 minutes ago, Sally said: You might text him back and say that he may be surprised at what you want to tell him -- so he won't think you want to get back together. Yeah, I have told him 'it's probably not what you think' But I just texted again and apologised for being mysterious and said i can't talk about it by text, and also said 'if it's keeping you in suspense you can tell me what you think it might be and I can tell you whether it is or isn't that...' I think that's all I can do other than come straight out with it via text which was not my intention at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 * deleting, just in case Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 * original post deleted because there's a small chance he's going to look on this site once I tell him. I so badly want us to be friends, I hope this works out! Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 1, 2019 Author Share Posted November 1, 2019 I did it. He wasn’t surprised. In fact he guessed after a couple of hints and said he already knew. i said ‘Was that an anti climax?’ given he’d been intrigued at what I was going to say) ’Well I’m used to that with you’ was his response. I miss how he made everything funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Anti-climax 🤣 🤣 Sorry, but in context that pun could not be ignored Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 3, 2019 Author Share Posted November 3, 2019 Well, it's gone properly weird now. I am in a proper pickle. Link to post Share on other sites
SuzerA Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 3, 2019 Author Share Posted November 3, 2019 Too scared to post it on here! Trying to work out what to do... It feels really complicated and my brain is confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 8, 2019 Author Share Posted November 8, 2019 So, it turns out that my ex-husband does not like me better than sex...He's with his girlfriend this weekend, I guess. Though he wants us to meet for cuddles, behind her back. I mean, at least i was right about him being a gaslighter. He lies so easily. This is why I always felt as if I was going slightly insane around him, always fighting my instinct that things just did not add up. But the love doesn't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 8, 2019 Author Share Posted November 8, 2019 He came out with every single one of them...Every. Single. Thing. That I've heard sexuals say on this site about being with an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 an epilogue is how a story ends, not a new chapter. you wanted to provide insight, and you've said what you came here to say, no? his continuing adventures have no need to be yours, you can write about any new story you'ld like now. it's ok to close the book. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 50 minutes ago, gisiebob said: an epilogue is how a story ends, not a new chapter. you wanted to provide insight, and you've said what you came here to say, no? his continuing adventures have no need to be yours, you can write about any new story you'ld like now. it's ok to close the book. I know, that was supposed to be the idea...it just turned out to be a bit overwhelming, when we met. I realised I haven't actually moved on. I just can't imagine any more stories for myself I guess I just have to try really hard to create some! Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 But, he is offering the friendship I wanted. And cuddles. I really want cuddles! I’ve never been able to face the thought of trying to get close to anyone else like that. So I wonder, if his girlfriend didn’t mind (which is hypothetical because he said she would not countenance it) would I be happy with a situation like that? I just don’t know. Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 Well now I really am quite shocked. My biggest fear about this was that he’d think we were getting back together as before (I didn’t expect to find that I still had so much feeling for him) but I thought that when he realised I genuinely meant no sex, he’d realise there was no future in it! And he did say all that stuff: couldn’t have a relationship without sex, has to be mutual blah blah blah. But then he still wanted to see me despite that and NOW he has split up with his girlfriend. And wants to carry on seeing me. He says not in a relationship just as friends, also that he wasn’t happy with the other person and it wasn’t to do with me. i have no idea why I’m rambling on about this here but it feels like a positive to leave it on, because of the fact that ... well, sex isn’t EVERYTHING, after all... And now I have to work out what on earth I've just done. I think I just got what I wanted in a very roundabout way. And I am not used to that. I think its all good 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
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