Hit on or ignored?

[Someone Else]

It's fairly common (I think) for asexuals to say that they'd rather be ignored by sexuals than hit on or flirted with by sexuals.  At least I think it's common, I could be wrong.

I am probably odd, in that it bothers me that I'm (figuratively) invisible.  It somehow bothers me that people don't hit on me.  (Or maybe they do and I'm seriously oblivious if they are only hinting.)   I don't know what's up with me... that I still sometimes wish I was desirable to sexual people even though I don't want sex.  I guess it's better than my inner self esteem voice fretting about being repulsive.  

[DryRain]

It's a normal thing to want some amount of attention, and it varies from people to people.

For me personally I like small amounts of attention, and would probably feel bad if I didn't get it sometimes, but I still don't want to be the center of everyone's attention.

For other people, especially on AVEN with the wide variety of asexuals, sexually-based attention will be unwelcome. However if you're starving for it, any attention is good attention, and so that's what you might be thinking there. It doesn't help that you're male, as that is also a factor on whether or not people will seek you out to give you attention. The combination of all those factor does indeed work against your self-esteem. I'd recommend seeking other forms of attention that don't involve sexuality (harder to get however, since it'll be a little less attraction-based) like friendship or some form of hobby (that you enjoy of course) that's interesting to people.

 

That being said it ain't that easy and I don't see short-term solutions. I hope it's not a major problem to you.

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I do not want any attention on the sexual side or romantic on any scale, nor will I and never experienced either feeling. 

I do like neutral friendly attention just as long as it doesn't become physical on any scale,  I avoid most people and don't even look at them. 

I enjoy my solitude and love being left alone and don't have any interest in ever having anyone enter my life. 

Some people enjoy only having a close network of very few friends and only communicate with them, other than their daily work life they mainly avoid other people. I'm one of these and do perfectly well with having hardly no communication with other people other than the people I know and am friends with.  

 

 

[Strifed]

I actually wish I had your dilemma and was ignored!  I don't get hit on constantly and of course not everyone is attracted to me, but it's enough where it's extremely uncomfortable for me. Guys have always stared at me and some made sexual/etc comments, and it's just so ew, especially since I'm not interested in that kind of attention or trying to attract it. Sometimes I can't even go to events because I know some guy (or sometimes gals) will be all over me. It's very annoying. I'm just trying to go out and have fun, not be your girlfriend or give you my number.

 

I always have to lie about having a boyfriend and/or wear a ring because of this, and it's very draining.. I have to always make sure I'm not accidentally flirting with someone (niceness = flirting to some people I guess?) or that they aren't getting the wrong idea. But even sometimes when I tell men/women no, they still try to force a relationship or their sexuality on me and it's so gross (please DO NOT do this to people people... it's scary. no means no :<). When I used to tell people I was single it was like they could not fathom why I was or why I would want to be single, and try to force me into liking them or force me with someone else. It's so weird.

 

Sometimes I wish I could wear a big neon sign saying, "NOT INTERESTED" lol. When I was younger I used to try and do things to be less appealing, but gave up because it never works... so I just live with it. I just learned to be more firm with people, unfortunately it means being a bit less friendly with guys (I have a lot of male dominated hobbies so it crushed me when I got to a certain age and could no longer be "just friends" with guys :<), and still constantly lie about being with someone to get really pushy guys to back up.

[ShyFeather]

Social isolation is another form of discrimination. I've read some articles from Japan about the treatment of LGBTQ people in society. Physical violence and verbal abuse (in public) happens less frequently than in some western countries. It can seem like they treat LGBTQ people better socially in comparison. But from accounts and some studies, queer people are frequently pushed out of social circles and ignored making them feel more isolated. This is especially difficult in a culture that emphasizes community and being a part of a group. In that way, being ignored can be a less confrontational way to push minorities out of main society.

 

Honestly, I would rather not have to choose either. I would like to not be ignored but also treated with respect. Even if someone initially hits on me, I would like to feel safe to turn down their advances and have that be respected.

[Someone Else]

So, there's this "online world," second life.  I once tried a female avatar/character, rather obviously "sexy."  And yeah, suddenly the men were pestering me right and left, where my male characters had been basically invisible.  I was like, "Uh, you do know that this is just a digital creation and ... not real??"  At first the attention was interesting, but it wasn't long before it become a nuisance.  
The only thing I've learned from life is that the middle ground is the best, where a little attention is nice, but "none at all" and too much can be stressful to me.  

[Guest]

36 minutes ago, Someone Else said:

So, there's this "online world," second life.  I once tried a female avatar/character, rather obviously "sexy."  And yeah, suddenly the men were pestering me right and left, where my male characters had been basically invisible.  I was like, "Uh, you do know that this is just a digital creation and ... not real??"  At first the attention was interesting, but it wasn't long before it become a nuisance.  
The only thing I've learned from life is that the middle ground is the best, where a little attention is nice, but "none at all" and too much can be stressful to me.  

Hence my name here lol. As males we are mostly ignored, whereas as you say the middle ground is nice. Otherwise, life is lonely.