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crazy ace

What is you stance on Sex favourability?

How do you feel about sex favourability in Asexuals?  

92 members have voted

  1. 1. How do you feel about sex favourability in Asexuals?

    • Indifferent: Why should I care how they identify? It doesn't really affect me.
      34
    • Anti: No, if you're sex-favourable, you're just sexual. An asexual does not want or inherently desire sex by definition
      21
    • Pro: Of course there are sex-favorable aces, as this is entirely possible.. Stop invalidating them and accept them
      37
  2. 2. How do you feel about it if the given definition is to enjoy sex, but not have it tied to attraction?

    • indifferent
      14
    • anti
      3
    • pro
      13
    • I disagree with the definition
      9
  3. 3. If sex favourable means not minding having sex:

    • indifferent
      16
    • anti
      2
    • pro
      18
    • I disagree with this definition
      3


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Guest
37 minutes ago, Artear said:

Well, technically you've seen it once.

Got me there. :cake:

 

Won't touch the rest of your post... because... reasons. I agree, though.

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KYON.

I genuinely don't care about how people identify. 

 

If someone wants to identify as a sex favourable asexual, cool. It doesn't affect me!

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Alejandrogynous

Sex-favorable as in an asexual person who knows they have the capacity to enjoy sex when it happens so they're willing to compromise in relationships even though they'd never seek it out themselves? Pro

 

Sex-favorable as in a person who identifies as asexual while also desiring and seeking out sex for their own personal enjoyment/fulfillment/gratification? Anti

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Lichley
15 hours ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

Pro. 

 

Sex-favourable doesn't mean you want sex, just that things such as a sex scene in a movie don't make you squeamish, unlike someone who is sex-repulsed 

I believe you’re looking for sex positive as a term, not sex favourable. Sex positive = not squeamish about others having sex, sex favourable = enjoys the act personally.

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Alejandrogynous
4 minutes ago, Lichley said:

I believe you’re looking for sex positive as a term, not sex favourable. Sex positive = not squeamish about others having sex, sex favourable = enjoys the act personally.

I don't think that's right either. Sex positive means you support everyone conducting their own sex lives as they see fit without judgement or shame, as long as they're not hurting anyone. You can be squeamish about seeing/hearing about sex and still be sex positive.

 

There's no term that I know of for people who aren't squeamish about the thought of sex or sex scenes in media... "Not COMPLETELY sex repulsed?" Since sex repulsion can be anything from being repulsed by personally having sex to being repulsed by even the thought of sex. 

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Philip027

If "sex favorable" means you desire/pursue it, then to me you're just sexual.  At this point you're no different from a sexual person.

If it just means you're capable of enjoying it, then it's valid.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
16 hours ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

Pro. 

 

Sex-favourable doesn't mean you want sex, just that things such as a sex scene in a movie don't make you squeamish, unlike someone who is sex-repulsed 

Hi there :)

 

I know others have said this, but I need to reiterate:

 

Sex-favourable means actively desiring sex and seeking sex out for the pleasure and enjoyment of it. That's the definition of sex favourable.  This could be helpful for you in the future as you're a moderator so plenty of people look up to you and newbs will believe you are well-versed in definitions etc. 

 

What you are describing is someone with a positive/indifferent attitude towards others having sex ('sex positive asexual' is the term used on AVEN) meaning they don't hate that others have sex and can watch it in movies etc without getting upset or whatever. Sex doesn't inherently repulse them even though they have no personal desire for it.

 

Sex-favourable though means "needs sex to be happy in life" "actively seeks sex out for pleasure" "needs sex within a relationship" etc. It's the opposite of asexuality as asexuality was originally meant to be defined, but due to confusion within the community over how actual sexual people think and feel, it's now generally accepted that aces can love sex as long as they don't care about appearance. That's an issue because many sexual people do not care about appearance and do not base their sexual desire around the appearance of others, but it comes across like we in the ace community think that to be sexual, you have to be someone who gets turned on by hot people and if you don't experience that then you're asexual. It's completely incorrect and offensive, but it's the only way to include sex-favourablity as part of asexuality.

 

Hope that helps, and may come in useful in the future :):cake:

 

edit: oh and as I'd missed @FaerieFates comment earlier:

 

Having sex does not make an ace sex-favourable. Aces have sex for all kinds of different reasons, but only sex-favourable aces actively seek sex out purely because they love and desire sex.

 

 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 10/26/2019 at 1:40 AM, crazy ace said:

NOTE: If this turns into another f8@king definition debate, I swear I'll get an admin to delete it.

 

Why would you make a poll, then not allow or want that kind of discussion to happen? Especially when you chose such a controversial and misunderstood term within this community, the definition of which is at complete odds with the generally accepted definition of asexuality. Even a long-time mod responded with a complete misunderstanding of what the term 'sex favourable' means. So there's clearly going to be confusion in both the results of the poll itself and in the discussion underneath the poll. A lot of people are responding to your poll without actually understanding what 'sex favourable' entails, so you should have included an accurate and full definition of it in your OP. Too late now though, as a LOT of people have already responded.

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daveb
1 hour ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Sex-favourable means actively desiring sex and seeking sex out for the pleasure and enjoyment of it. That's the definition of sex favourable.

Not to dispute you, but do you have a citation for that? I couldn't find an official or authoritative definition for "sex-favourable" (or sex-favorable either) anywhere, but I could have missed it. (actually could only find people using the term and maybe saying what it means according to them)

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
27 minutes ago, daveb said:

Not to dispute you, but do you have a citation for that? I couldn't find an official or authoritative definition for "sex-favourable" (or sex-favorable either) anywhere, but I could have missed it. (actually could only find people using the term and maybe saying what it means according to them)

 

Funny you should ask.

 

Do you know the ONLY place you will find people identifying with (and defining) the idea of sex favourable asexuality? 

 

In the asexual community. Entire threads on this website dedicated to people who describe themselves as sex favourable actively discussing their desire for sexual intimacy. To describe them as anything other than how they define themselves is invalidating them, and dismissive of their personal identity.

 

These are unofficial terms used on this very website, and within this community, and moderators NEED to have an accurate and thorough understanding of said identities if they are to be making statements ABOUT said identities, especially given the most recent thread on invalidation. People look up to mods and expect them to know what they're talking about, so it's not a good look if they're going around giving inaccurate definitions.

 

And no of course there's no 'official' definition in the field of human sexual studies because anyone outside of this community, and anyone with any kind of understanding of actual human sexuality, will agree that actively desiring sexual intimacy for pleasure is *not* something that an asexual person would experience because that's a typical, intrinsic aspect of hetero/homo/pan/bisexuality: The drive to actively seek sex with other people for pleasure.

 

There is nowhere to find any credible person defining it because, quite frankly, it's one of the least credible things to ever come out of this community. It's based on an utter and complete misunderstanding of how actual sexual people think and feel, and comes from a place of innate antisexuality (because the opinion it stems from is that sexuals are shallow people driven by their genitalia who want to screw everything they find attractive, and if you're not like that you're asexual).

 

The asexual community pretends not to support antisexuality, but in their blind acceptance of the idea of sex favourable asexuality (without even knowing what it means in some cases clearly) they are literally taking an antisexual stance, a stance that says "yes we agree sexuals are all shallow appearance-driven horndogs and if you're not like that, you're asexual".

 

But anything to prevent people from feeling invalidated, right? And that needs to begin with members of staff actually understanding the definitions of the labels they are discussing.

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crazy ace
2 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

 

Why would you make a poll, then not allow or want that kind of discussion to happen? Especially when you chose such a controversial and misunderstood term within this community, the definition of which is at complete odds with the generally accepted definition of asexuality. Even a long-time mod responded with a complete misunderstanding of what the term 'sex favourable' means. So there's clearly going to be confusion in both the results of the poll itself and in the discussion underneath the poll. A lot of people are responding to your poll without actually understanding what 'sex favourable' entails, so you should have included an accurate and full definition of it in your OP. Too late now though, as a LOT of people have already responded.

I meant that I want the thread to remain civil, and that I only wanted to see people's current viewpoints, as it's pretty much common knowledge that definition debates won't get resolved. The poll wasn't for the sake of discussion, but just to see what the general opinion was.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 minutes ago, crazy ace said:

but just to see what the general opinion was.

It's just frustrating to see how many people still don't even know what sex favourable means (while thinking they know what it means) which will make results completely unreliable. But I agree it's interesting to see public opinion, just sad that so many people think it means "okay with others having sex/not averse to seeing sex on TV/etc" or even just "having sex and being okay with that".. when it means none of those things Y_Y

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anisotrophic

... maybe there should first be a poll to settle on a definition for "sex-favorable"?

 

(I didn't vote bc I'm just an ally friend/family/partner here. 🙂)

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daveb
2 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Funny you should ask.

It was an honest question. Thanks for the reply.

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Firefly8

My answer depends on if the person is really asexual.

Yes if they are actually asexual.

No if they are actually sexual and misusing the word asexual...
you-keep-using-that-word-i-do-not-think-

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 hours ago, daveb said:

It was an honest question. Thanks for the reply.

Oh no, I understood you were honestly asking. I meant funny as in 'ironic' because actually, there's no official definition, only the definition that sex favourable aces themselves use in this community, which is the only place that officially accepts such a thing as existing. So it's just very ironic really Y_Y Sorry if that came off as factitious (edit: meant facetious heh, damn autocorrect), should have worded it better!

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Puck

Hmmmmm.

 

I haven't read through most of this thread, so my apologies if I'm jumping over knowledge that has already been gained here or bringing up points that have already been said. But I wanted to say that I'll be unable to fill out this poll because none of the options reflect what I understand and so I can't in good faith fill it out.

 

I agree with this part:

Quote

An asexual does not want or inherently desire sex by definition

And this part:

Quote

Of course there are sex-favorable aces, as this is entirely possible

 

 

So I am guessing we are using a different definition of sex-favorable.

 

The way I see it, sex-favorable aces are aces that are willing to have sex with sexual partners, though they don't want or inherently desire it on their own.

 

It's like this. I don't like sports. I will never go to a sports game of my own desire. I'll never want to on my own. But if I was dating someone who loved sports games, I could happily and sustainably go to sports games with that someone. I might even enjoy the games when I'm there, have a good time. But if I broke up with that partner, I wouldn't go to games anymore, even if I had fun before. I still don't desire to go to them. All I desired at any point was to make my partner happy, be more intimate with them, share something with them that I knew was important to them, fulfill a need they have to be at those types of events.

 

That all would mean I am a sports-favorable person.

 

To me, sex-favorables work just like that. They don't want to have partnered sex, but they are willing to and might enjoy it some when with partners. But they'd never seek sex out for themselves because they don't desire it.

 

Hope that helps explain how I have come to understand things :)

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Moon Spirit ☽
11 minutes ago, Puck said:

The way I see it, sex-favorable aces are aces that are willing to have sex with sexual partners, though they don't want or inherently desire it on their own.

I would call that sex-indifferent. Also, some of the ones who have been identifying as sex-favorable have talked about how they seek it out.

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Puck
4 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

I would call that sex-indifferent. Also, some of the ones who have been identifying as sex-favorable have talked about how they seek it out.

They can identify as they please and I can disagree with their definition, nature of the game :) I roll with AVEN's definition of asexuality, they can use their own.

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Moon Spirit ☽
1 minute ago, Puck said:

They can identify as they please and I can disagree with their definition, nature of the game :) I roll with AVEN's definition, they can use their own.

Good point. It's not like the definition is going to be changed to include that, because that's not what asexuality is.

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Puck
Just now, Moony Lovegood said:

Good point. It's not like the definition is going to be changed to include that, because that's not what asexuality is.

Exactly. AVEN's definition is that asexuals don't experience sexual attraction and that sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with others or share your sexuality with others.

 

So AVEN's definition claims that if a person is desiring sex with others, they don't fit AVEN's definition.

 

But it's the nature of life that some people aren't going to agree with that definition. But the world makes up all kinds of kinds so it is what it is.

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Homer

I can't answer this poll as none of the options reflect my stance sufficiently.

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Alejandrogynous
34 minutes ago, Moony Lovegood said:

I would call that sex-indifferent.

When I first found AVEN, there were two choices: sex repulsed and sex indifferent. Indifferent asexuals were open to having sex, repulsed asexuals were not. At some point sex favorable got added, as I understood it, to differentiate between asexuals who would have sex but felt nothing towards the experience (indifferent), and those who could actually enjoy it when it happened (favorable).

 

It wasn't until relatively recently that, "can enjoy sex," became, "desires and wants sex," for the definition of sex favorable.

 

(I'm not arguing anything here, just giving some history of how I've observed the label's use.)

 

 

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Sally

I think the "sex favorable" phrase started on AVEN to counteract the "elitist/pure asexual" posts that we had for a while. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, Puck said:

The way I see it, sex-favorable aces are aces that are willing to have sex with sexual partners, though they don't want or inherently desire it on their own.

That's not the definition sex favourable aces themselves use though, their definition they use is: desiring sex for pleasure, but still asexual. We shouldn't redefine their own label for them! :o

 

Also there are many aces here who have done what you described who definitely wouldn't claim they're sex-favourable. Many become very unhappy and depressed from giving sex but continue to do it for the sake of their partner. 

 

Anyway I already know we agree with each other, I just think we shouldn't try to redefine the label to make it less controversial when sex-favourable aces use it in a very specific way to describe a very specific experience (ie actively desiring sex for pleasure!) :cake:

 

29 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

It wasn't until relatively recently that, "can enjoy sex," became, "desires and wants sex," for the definition of sex favorable.

Yeah I think within the past 4 years or so? I remember a very specific thread where it really took hold, a thread which ended up getting pinned despite the innate antisexuality behind the idea of sex-favourable asexuality!

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Puck
5 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

That's not the definition sex favourable aces themselves use though, their definition they use is: desiring sex for pleasure, but still asexual. We shouldn't redefine their own label for them! :o

 

Also there are many aces here who have done what you described who definitely wouldn't claim they're sex-favourable. Many become very unhappy and depressed from giving sex but continue to do it for the sake of their partner. 

 

Anyway I already know we agree with each other, I just think we shouldn't try to redefine the label to make it less controversial when sex-favourable aces use it in a very specific way to describe a very specific experience (ie actively desiring sex for pleasure!) :cake:

Hmmmm, I could be getting “sex-favorable” mixed up with an old term that was tossed around for years then. Why ever the opposite of “sex-repulsed” was. Now that I think of it, maybe it was sex-positive? Because that’s how it was always described to me years ago; sex-positives (I guess?) were the ones who basically didn’t find sex completely gross and could do it for their partners.

 

Whether or not they could sustain that enthusiasm forever is a whole different rabbit hole that I wasn’t going to touch here as the topic didn’t seem to call for it.

 

But if sex-favorable is a whole new thing that just popped up recently, then it’s new to me. If it argues that asexuals can desire sex in some way... well, as I’ve said in this thread already, that’s not what asexuality is, as per AVEN’s definition.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
32 minutes ago, Puck said:

Hmmmm, I could be getting “sex-favorable” mixed up with an old term that was tossed around for years then. Why ever the opposite of “sex-repulsed” was. Now that I think of it, maybe it was sex-positive? Because that’s how it was always described to me years ago; sex-positives (I guess?) were the ones who basically didn’t find sex completely gross and could do it for their partners.

 

Whether or not they could sustain that enthusiasm forever is a whole different rabbit hole that I wasn’t going to touch here as the topic didn’t seem to call for it.

 

But if sex-favorable is a whole new thing that just popped up recently, then it’s new to me. If it argues that asexuals can desire sex in some way... well, as I’ve said in this thread already, that’s not what asexuality is, as per AVEN’s definition.

I made a comment higher up that explained it a bit:

 

 

But pretty much yes, the way sex-positive asexuality is defined here, it means an asexual who is comfortable with the idea of sex and doesn't mind if other people are having it, and may also not mind having sex themselves even if they don't inherently desire it. *However* that on it's own is controversial as there are sex-repulsed people here who don't have a negative attitude towards others having sex, but they still can't handle having it themselves and become deeply distraught etc at the mere idea of that so they don't ID as sex positive despite *being* positive towards sex as long as they themselves aren't having it!

 

However yes the way sex-favourable is defined now (by those who identify as it - you and I were actually just talking in a thread a few hours ago with someone who IDs as sex favourable) it means: asexual who desires sex for pleasure. It started I'd say about 4ish years ago (could probably even find the main thread that sort of started) and since then quite a few people (well, a LOT of people) have adopted the label. Sigh.

 

Edit: I think a more accurate and clear term would be 'sex-desiring' but for some reason that never caught on.

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SithEmpress
On 10/25/2019 at 9:40 PM, crazy ace said:

NOTE: If this turns into another f8@king definition debate, I swear I'll get an admin to delete it.

The way to prevent this would be to define the term in the beginning and then ask others opinions on it, not using a controversial label people have conflicting definitions for as if everyone has the same definition. Such a poll is useless when some people will answer based on one definition and others will answer based on a different one. 

 

You could've asked "Assuming sex favorable means XYZ, how do you feel about sex favorable asexuals?" and then had "For", "Against", "Indifferent", "Other", and "I disagree with your definition" as answer options.

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SithEmpress
3 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:
4 hours ago, Puck said:

The way I see it, sex-favorable aces are aces that are willing to have sex with sexual partners, though they don't want or inherently desire it on their own.

That's not the definition sex favourable aces themselves use though, their definition they use is: desiring sex for pleasure, but still asexual. We shouldn't redefine their own label for them! :o

Not to start a definition debate (wink to OP), but I have found a few sex-favorable asexuals to be just enjoys it more than a sex-indifferent asexual would. So I wouldn't just group them all together and say they're using the same definition.

 

I mean, how should we feel if non-asexuals just assumed we all agreed on the same definition for our own label? ...Wait......

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crazy ace
4 hours ago, Homer said:

I can't answer this poll as none of the options reflect my stance sufficiently.

Could you tell me your stance so that I could apply it to the poll?

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