Traveler40 Posted October 28, 2019 Author Share Posted October 28, 2019 13 minutes ago, SusannaC said: Academic challenges plus bipolar disorder/depression- which runs strongly in the family. These problems combined with a lot of the normal challenges of childhood and the teen years made for some very dark and painful years. I’m sorry to hear that and so glad he pulled through beautifully in the end. It must have been very tough for all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 My oldest has difficulty with focus, and his emotional maturity is simply behind others at his age. That's just who he is, his emotional maturity has come a bit later than others. As a result, his behavior is not always "good": reminders and discussions are a constant thing over recent years – but neither would I medicalize it, or believe he is not an essentially good person. If I were to claim his behavior is "good", I would be turning a blind eye to my responsibility as a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 My poor mother raised 7 of us kids (with only 11 years age difference between the oldest and youngest). Some big differences between siblings and some similarities, which make me convinced that genetics is a big part of a person's personality and how they behave. I can see some of the similarities carried through to our grandparents, too. Like siblings who take after one side of the family or one particular grandparent markedly and others who take after the other side or a different grandparent. I can see that in my sister's kids, too (she has 3 offspring). In those cases the parenting style was probably not much different for different kids, but it may be different kids would have done better with different parenting styles. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 Not to ruin the magic, but why do parents lie to their kids about Santa? What's the appeal of having a stranger give you presents? I don't think it's bahavior control, but maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 @SithGirl It's exciting and they like the fantasy and the goodies? They like other fantasy worlds too, from Pokemon to the She-ra reboot. They like pretending, they like traditions; the borders between "real" and "fantasy" aren't a major concern, especially if they're not feeling serious. I've got one kid that plays up the drama of Halloween as scary and spooky, keeping telling me about werewolves. It's clearly his favorite holiday. Learning "facts" about how to outsmart vampires. (Garlic, running water, don't invite them in...) I'm happy to help them out with those made-up stories too, and to bring them to the homes of strangers to admire scary decorations and demand sugar bribes. Would you have me spoil Halloween as well? 😉 Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 @anisotrophic I just never remembering much "magic" around Santa and Christmas. My family played up the holidays and traditions, but I don't remember the Santa fantasy at all (other than complaining when my mom wouldn't let us in a certain room because they were stuffing the stockings when we knew Santa wasn't real). And for Halloween, I love the holiday, but again never remembering actually believing in the creatures we're all dressing up as or pretending to be. I only remember zombies freaking me out when elaborate neighbors would pretend to be dead and "come back to life" when kids approached. But I have a terrible memory. So maybe that's the reason? And I'm not saying we should "spoil" the holidays, I just never understood why it was so important to some parents to keep the facade alive. Especially because if the "I bet he doesn't believe in Jesus either?" question would've just made me atheist so much sooner rather than keeping me beliving in Santa. I liked Christmas because it meant coming together and celebrating family, because my parents loved me and we all gave each other presents, not because a magical elf riding a reindeer (I legit didn't realize reindeer were a real animal until I was an adult) gives us presents based on our good behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Balance Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 @SithGirl I agree. And that's just it. To a kid, it's NOT a fantasy, it's real. It's a fantasy once you know about Santa being a myth but until they're told, it IS real to them! And I can't believe some parents and the kid's friends wait so long to tell them the truth. I'd think those people want the kid to not trust them anymore or society in general. As for Santa, I always thought it was either to keep kids in line and only do what their parents told them to do so they would get a bribe? or because it was a way for a kid to ask for a gift that their parents couldn't afford or wouldn't give them. So if your parents couldnt' afford the gift, the kids were disappointed and thought Santa must hate them and think they're bad kids? It sounds more centered on the coal in your stocking than anything fun at all. It was only when I was in jr high that I heard the story that Rudolph/Santa/Christmas tv special was really an ad for Montgomery Ward department store. What a letdown. Sorry, I just don't get the attraction to lying to kids, or scaring them with stuff like "Santa's watching you". You can have plenty of Christmas/giving season stuff going on without a bunch of lies. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 8 hours ago, SithGirl said: Not to ruin the magic, but why do parents lie to their kids about Santa? What's the appeal of having a stranger give you presents? I don't think it's bahavior control, but maybe? Actually it is more like participating in a kids play-world and being a child with the child. And santa is no stranger. He knows you. I would worry more about other imaginary friends, who dictates what to do on important issues and who even is supposed to be able to interveen and change the course of your life dramatically. And who also knows you. Santa is more vage: be a good kid =get stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 Santa: Because it was just that good for some of us as kids. He’s an awesome tradition for the folks that keep him. Finally, for most who experienced the wonder as kids, passing that on to our own children is a pleasure. Santa isn’t a behavior tool like some apparently believe. (That actually surprised me to read here. It’s clear there’s a bit of ignorance or supposition about Santa based on books versus practice?) He’s part of our holiday tradition that brings tons of excitement and lots of fun. Frankly, I can’t imagine celebrating Christmas without him. It amazes me how negative many are on the tradition and can only surmise it wasn’t made a great part of their holiday or never practiced at all. Either way, it makes me hope there were other wonderful ways they celebrated with their families. Finally, I believe if something is worth doing, do it right. It’s noodle salad folks, and all I can say is however you celebrate, put some love into it. Practice traditions, whatever they are, and respect that others do it differently. Whatever fills you with warmth, gratitude, love, excitement, peace and joy is worth doing. Yes, whatever that is for you, keep on doing it. Make your holidays great! Your children will thank you too. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 Meh. I'll see how my bf feels about Santa. I enjoyed him as a story, as a mythical figure, but not as someone I actually believed in. And I feel I wouldn't want to try and deceive my kids like that, even if I can appreciate the wonder others find in the magic of the Santa myth. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I like the feeling of magic, wonderment to idea of santa existing Same with tooth fairy. Link to post Share on other sites
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