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Sensual Attraction vs. Romantic Attraction


AcademicAro

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I am so excited to have found this community! This is my first post, I tried to look and see if there was something like this already posted but if there was, I missed it. It seems to me that a lot of people in the aro community are uncomfortable with activities that have a strong sensual component, because that is seen as romantic. That was one of the reasons that it took me so long to figure out that I am aro, because I love snuggling, holding hands, partner dance, and just close physical contact with people, it just has never meant anything romantic or sexual for me. Are there others out there with this differentiation? If so, how do you talk about or explain your aromance to people who conceptualize sensual touch or physical closeness as romantic? Thank you all for your stories and vulnerability in sharing your experiences!

 

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Well, those kinds of things are sensual. Many people connect them to romantic and/or sexual things, but they don't have to be. I am fairly uncomfortable with sensual forms of affection with people other than my romantic partner, for example. I have held hands with my best friend, but otherwise would not participate in sensual activities with anyone I was not extremely close to. 

 

I am not aro, but I imagine it would be the same as people who associate those things with sexual attraction. Just because I want to cuddle you doesn't mean I want more intimate touching. Just because we're holding hands doesn't mean I want to start dating you. 

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  • 3 months later...
In_Omnia_Paratus

As a very sensual romantic person, I think it makes perfect sense to be aro and also feel need for sensual stimulation. It's like the sensual/sexual issue for us romantics. Sensual is its own dealio-- my need for it just happens to be summoned when I'm in love with somebody.

 

But I'm also not repulsed or uncomfortable with sensual expression from friends, it's just societally uncommon to find myself in that situation. 

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Phantasmal Fingers

I suppose porn stars are aromantic and sensual, at least when they're on a film set. 

 

To me, if you distinguish between sensuality and romance then you could say there is a difference between an asensual asexual and an aromantic asexual, the latter being someone for whom sensuality is asexual and aromantic.

 

But then that would make me an aromantic asensual asexual. But that doesn't mean I am cut off from love or my own senses, it's just that the expression or experience of these doesn't involve close physical proximity (whether or not it's bound up with emotional intimacy) with particular individual people on a more or less continuous basis. 

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I actually had an interesting discussion about romantic touch vs. non-romantic touch few days ago on the subject "Your top ways to connect with someone?" (first page, between me, @CBC and @ryn2 ). It turns out that it's highly individual what's perceived romantic and what not, and instead of listing actions that are objectively romantic, it would be wiser to explain why you want/don't want to do something. For example, touching someone while sitting next to them is not romantic to me, since I don't do any active movement to reach them. But to someone who does experience romance, even that could feel romantic, because their motivation to sit close to them is romantic. For me the differentiation between romantic and non-romantic touch is, if I do active movement to "feel" the person or if I just happen to touch them. But as said, it could be very different to any other aro person :)

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I'm in a relationship with an ace/aro and he is all about sensual touch.  Wonderful cuddler.  As a friend, he holds your hand when you are telling him about your woes.  He's also a hugger, and hugs his friends goodbye.  I'm pretty sure it's his way of connecting with people.  

 

But yeah, someone like me can perceive these acts as romantic.  It took a while for me to figure out that they weren't.  But after sorting all of that out, in the end it's how our relationship is able to work.  

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