SpaceEvan Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 So i just joined here today and i have like a million questions regarding romantic stuff (sorry if i repeat some points, this is just copy-pasted ramblings) ———— 1. lately i’ve been feeling weird abt the aspect of a romantic relationship, sometimes i crave it and other days i just,,,, dont like idk if its bc i might be grey aromantic or if its just my shitty depression talking But even on non-depressed days i feel perfectly fine treating my bf as though we’re just friends idk if this is because i just feel as thought romantic relationships are so much work Like some days i rlly want pda and wanna show it back, and some days i just dont feel any of that and am perfectly fine treating my bf as a friend ———— 2. is it valid to like kiss and cuddle and sleep together and get married and shit but like,,,, not be specifically romantically attracted to someone? Would that just be aromantic? im worried that this phrasing makes me sound like an asshole when i say “yeah i wanna love/marry/kiss/cuddle with/sleep with (sfw) someone but not commit to an actual romantic relationship” ———— 3. whats the difference between alloromantics saying they’ve “fallen out of love” and aromantics coming out in the middle of a relationship?? ———— 4. Like i wanna be in a relationship!!! i do love my bf, but i cant even tell if its actually romantic or if i just rlly rlly want him to be in my life as a close friend who can kiss/cuddle/marry/etc Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Hi and welcome I have never been in a relationship myself. But what you describe kind of sounds like a queerplatonic relationship to me but i am not 100% sure so i can be wrong i will call for @OptimisticPessimist they can probably help you more. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 You sound like a normal romantic to me; romantics don't wanna do all the romeo and juliet stuff every single day, it would be exhausting. When either me or my SO are going through depressed phases romance typically gives way to keeping each other getting through the day, and often we act as friends more than "passionate lovers". Link to post Share on other sites
Alawyn-Aebt Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 1 hour ago, SpaceEvan said: So i just joined here today and i have like a million questions regarding romantic stuff (sorry if i repeat some points, this is just copy-pasted ramblings) No problem! Welcome to AVEN 🍰! I was in the process of typing it out, but Anthracite_Impreza beat me to it. Plenty of people, myself included, do not want to be excessively romantic 24/7. Also many people, particularly those engaged in longer-term relationships, see their partner(s) as their best friend, so that is not un-normal. Wanting your partner to be in your life forever as a really close friend is something most romantics feel about their partner. Also you mention wanting to kiss/cuddle/marry/etc. which are often actions associated with romance (although kiss and cuddle could technically be differentiated into sensual), which would seem to indicate a reasonably normal romantic in a romantic relationship since any relationship that involves romance is by definition a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SpaceEvan Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 4 hours ago, Aebt-Ætheling said: No problem! Welcome to AVEN 🍰! I was in the process of typing it out, but Anthracite_Impreza beat me to it. Plenty of people, myself included, do not want to be excessively romantic 24/7. Also many people, particularly those engaged in longer-term relationships, see their partner(s) as their best friend, so that is not un-normal. Wanting your partner to be in your life forever as a really close friend is something most romantics feel about their partner. Also you mention wanting to kiss/cuddle/marry/etc. which are often actions associated with romance (although kiss and cuddle could technically be differentiated into sensual), which would seem to indicate a reasonably normal romantic in a romantic relationship since any relationship that involves romance is by definition a romantic relationship. What if the kiss/cuddle/marry i want is more in a platonic sense? Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 6 hours ago, Kimmie. said: Hi and welcome I have never been in a relationship myself. But what you describe kind of sounds like a queerplatonic relationship to me but i am not 100% sure so i can be wrong i will call for @OptimisticPessimist they can probably help you more. I'll pop in instead since I'm here. I don't know if you relate to this or not, SpaceEvan, but a queerplatonic relationship is one that is based on deep platonic emotions for someone. You can be in a relationship with the person and love them, but the attraction isn't romantic. Some people in QPR's might kiss or hold hands or show affection in those ways, some might not, but it's just as valid as romantic attraction. People in a qpr can still desire marriage or living together or wanting to be with the person the rest of their lives, too. It's difficult to explain...but it's something that maybe feels right to you more so than a romantic relationship. Usually aromantics would be in qpr's, but alloromantics can as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Alawyn-Aebt Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 16 minutes ago, SpaceEvan said: What if the kiss/cuddle/marry i want is more in a platonic sense? What makes you want to kiss/cuddle/marry this person in particular as opposed to your other platonic friends? Link to post Share on other sites
SpaceEvan Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 5 minutes ago, Aebt-Ætheling said: What makes you want to kiss/cuddle/marry this person in particular as opposed to your other platonic friends? i have a better and deeper love for this person, i think when i searched aromantic spectrum, i found that aro flux really felt right for me, where i feel super lovey dovey sometimes and then other times i feel little to no romantic attraction Link to post Share on other sites
Alawyn-Aebt Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 5 minutes ago, SpaceEvan said: i have a better and deeper love for this person, i think when i searched aromantic spectrum, i found that aro flux really felt right for me, where i feel super lovey dovey sometimes and then other times i feel little to no romantic attraction To address the first clause, which was supposed to be an answer, that doesn't really answer my question, as "better and deeper love" could mean any form of love. But ignore that if you think the label fits you. If you do then you do not need my help nor anyone else's help since you are content and seem confident! All I will say is just like sexuals do not want sex all the time nor experience sexual attraction all the time, romantics do not want romance all the time nor experience romantic attraction all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 9 hours ago, SpaceEvan said: i have a better and deeper love for this person A "different" type of love, to friends and family, is exactly how I see romantic love. Again, no romantic is super lovey-dovey all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
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