Sexuality being Doubted by Others due to Past Trauma

[Artistic__Miles]

I'm a lesbian, I like girls, not guys. Most people will believe this and accept it at face value, that is, until they find out that I was a victim of child molestation and that I have ptsd. Then, some people seem to think that I'm gay bc of my trauma, or that secretly I am into guys and will either treat me with pity or act as if they can "fix" me into straightness. It's so annoying that people act as if I secretly liked guys and supressed those feelings. They don't know me or how I feel, and to assume that how I feel is wrong or untrue bc of what happened to me is rude and appalling. I know that ace people likely experience this to a much more extreme degree and I offer my support. I'm sorry that our trauma/past is held against us

[Snao Cone]

Yeah, this is an attitude or assumption a lot of aces unfortunately encounter. Ultimately it really doesn't matter. People can be gay or asexual without any past trauma, and even if they did have trauma that doesn't mean that's where their orientation came from. And for people who do think it played a part, if their orientation helps them find peace and happiness in their lives, it doesn't need to be "fixed". What's important is an individual's happiness and sense of safety and autonomy.

[everywhere and nowhere]

Homophobes will say whatever benefits them and they don't even care if it's contradictory. In your case they seem to be assuming that you have some unjustified psychological trauma against men and "should give them a chance". But there is also a pseusoscientific theory - once prominent, but it still resurfaces every now and then (I have seen it some two years ago when a Polish gay politician confessed that he was molested by a priest as a boy) - the "seduction theory": that supposedly a young, innocent boy gets "seduced" by an older gay man and it makes him gay. This is bullshit: using the same logic as those people around you seem to employ, one would rather have to arrive at the conclusion that such boys "should" develop a trauma against men.

Such arguments are simply never used against the majority. If someone was molested by an older man as a boy, but grows up to be heterosexual - it would be seen as totally inappropriate to ask whether his trauma is preventing him from loving men. However, when someone's orientation - homosexual or asexual - is perceived as "unnatural", everything can be used to invalidate such a person's orientation.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

We objectums get it too. Our trauma must have swore us off human relationships, but if we sort it we'll be "normal" again! Well I was never "normal" to start with, and I have no wish to be.

 

And if you're autistic? Fucking hell, it's to blame for everything.

[HufflepuffRose]

I have PTSD too, so I get what you feeling. People always treat me like I am sick and if they "heal" me I will have a life that is normal for them. But for me my life is normal. They are doing this to feel good about themselfs cause they are not open to new things.

The only thing that matters is what you think. 🙂

[Laplace]

I don’t have anything that would really qualify as trauma, but some people have insinuated that my parents’ divorce during my childhood is the main reason why I don’t pursue relationships. I think the divorce does reinforce my feelings but it’s not like if someone somehow made me forget about it I would somehow become romantic/sexual.

[Whore*of*Mensa]

It doesn’t make logical sense to say that abuse causes asexuality or homosexuality- in the UK the ONS estimates that 20% of women, 4% of men are sexually assaulted. There is no similarity between those numbers and the numbers of people with a different sexual orientation..

[Skycaptain]

Trouble is the abuse and orientation myth has been around for decades. Think Pussy Galore in Goldfinger, and something must have inspired Ian Fleming to come up with that.

[Abigail Rose]

There is an unspoken evolution which has been happening within the human being. Every day there are new ideas of what the so called "norm" has become. However, it is exactly what labeling this experience is most harmful to. Sexuality or not, all people doubt something which they cannot explain or do not wish to believe. This is sadly an existence of borders and boundaries. What a great time it would be if every one of us took the time to reflect on our own lives and less upon others. Change and progress are sometimes a little out of tune with society and it's "norms". We must all remember that our lives are our own. Our perspective of what is best for ourselves should be the only one that matters. In my humble opinion, our judgement is our worst trait as a species. Imagine a life of accepting unspoken truths and that people are fine just the way they are. 

 

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