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Aus19

I don't understand my feelings

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Aus19

i realised im ace some months ago and i still get panic and grossed out about sex (im sex repulsed( nor understand it. 

but recently ive been having alot of sexual curiousity, dreams and arousal with the urge to do something to meet this weird (n gross) needs. But i don't know what to do - like if i start dating someone to solve this physical need and try but then get grossed out and panic and get nauseous then i dont want to hurt someone or make them angry 'for leading them on' or whatever

 

Ive been struggling with this for a few months and hoped it would just go away like it usually does but it hasnt and its driving me crazy (i dont like not knowing what 2 do) n making me so confused...

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Galactic Turtle

I typically view sexuality as something that develops over time. Even if sex is something you want to try in the future, you don't have to right now just because you're horny. If anything you could just find more fun ways to masturbate.

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Memento1

Do you masturbate?  I find this often satisfies that "need".  You don't need someone else to take care of it for you.

 

If this isn't just about arousal, but curiosity and arousal about people, it's fine to explore that, but don't feel it has to be under their terms.  Be completely upfront that you are curious but you don't want to go all the way.  That you may stop it or slow down at any time, that YOU want to call the shots here.  You're not leading them on, you're giving them full notification to contribute to your experiment if they want, or decline ahead of time if they're more wanting to satisfy their own needs.  Don't feel like you've made a bargain you must follow through, don't feel that talking about it ahead of time ruins it.  Work on assertive communication: stating what you feel confidently.  And USE THIS in your experiments.  You're not agreeing to go through the whole sexual script.  You're testing the waters, dipping your feet in, acclimating for as long as it takes at every step.

 

If you are having trouble finding someone to do this with you, there is sexual surrogate therapy: where the entire thing is about working through your anxiety, not having to satisfy the other's needs.  That may sound even more terrifying than dating someone, but it's a safer and easier approach where there's no risk of misunderstandings.

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