-nsfw- Asexual Rant

[CaptainMel]

So I've considered myself asexual for years but twice now I have gotten into sexual relationships. I usually just say 'Welp I guess I'm not really ace' and do sexual things. The sex usually takes up the majority of the relationship until we breakup because I do not feel sexual attraction and one of us realizes that.

 

After the relationship is over I usually experience a period of higher sex repulsion. I have minor nightmares or I get really nauseous when I think about sex and the things I did when I was in the relationship.

 

I feel so sick and invalid and like my life is a mess. Has anyone else doubted their identity so much that they have sex and then hate it? I feel alone and weird. 

[Snao Cone]

I haven't had sex since I started identifying as ace, but before that I definitely pushed myself into situations that didn't feel right or come naturally to me because I assumed I had to have sex to justify the sex-positive beliefs I have. But afterwards I felt more shame than accomplishment and more regret than satisfaction. I usually went years between attempts at this. I didn't have nightmares, but I did sometimes feel embarrassment when recalling them. I think if I had come to realize I was asexual I would've stopped trying to put myself in those situations earlier than I did, even if I hadn't completely shaken off the idea that I should be a very sexual person.

 

Anyway, I highly recommend listening to that inner voice and not doing things that don't feel natural to you at the time and you suspect you won't like after the fact. You deserve to feel better about yourself and your life. I know that can sometimes be a hard thing to accept, especially if mental illness is weighing you down at all. But your feelings and needs are valid and you don't have to have sex if you don't want to or know it will ultimately do harm.

[Skycaptain]

@CaptainMel, *Huggles *. Many people only find an asexual identity after trying sexual relationships and feeling that something "just isn't right".

Just considering that cishet is the default position, and if people identify as anything else its either by trial and error, or overriding societal expectations in the first place. 

 

You are not invalid, you've tried something and haven't liked it, so it's perfectly natural not to want to do the same thing again 

[borderprincess]

Going through this struggle right now, it sucks. I somehow keep managing to end up having sex even though it just hurts and damages me, and every time I do it I feel a) like shit, and b) "does this mean I'm not asexual???", cue freakout.

 

So I guess I just want to say: solidarity with you and your struggles.

[Zagadka]

We're always figuring things out. There is no final answer, and there is no need to prove membership in a club. I would just focus on being  the most comfortable and happy in the moment. I haven't faced the same kind of questions, so I can't offer more, but good luck.