Taken a long time to get here.

[SarahM]

Hi Everyone,

It has taken me a long time to get here but I think this might be the right place for me.  I turned 53 this past week and up until very recently I would have described myself as heterosexual.  For a long time I have known I don't have a "normal" view of relationships.  I had some when I was young, but I seemed to always choose men who were not capable of love.  I set myself up for failure a lot back then.  As I have grown older I have focused on other things in life and not looked for relationships at all, and as a result have not had a relationship in the past 15 or so years.   I have told myself I had other priorities.  Sometimes I think about having relationships but honestly Its usually something like "It would be nice to have a partner to help around the house?  Help pay the bills? Or to go on bike rides with..."  However the idea of having sex with them is a little off putting.  

I have wondered if my feelings are due to past trauma, which I have definitely experienced?  But I don't think that is the case.  For the most part I am a happy, self sufficient, fully functioning human being who just doesn't really feel the need to "be with someone"  

My kids have asked me about it before, but they both just lovingly accept that me being happily alone is really just who I am.  

All that being said,  I am really quite confused about some things.   For example,  I love Rom Coms?  Also, I think that if I just magically were in a relationship one day I don't think it would make me unhappy? I've had sex with partners before and I don't actively dislike it?  I am mixed up about if I am asexual or maybe I am just socially anxious and so tend to be more comfortable alone?  I could go on with a million questions.  What I am hoping, is that by being here, and reading your stories, I will start to find some of the answers.  Maybe I will find I fit, and that my feelings make sense here.  

I know it is long and rambling, but this is what I am feeling right now.  Thanks for having this forum and thanks all for sharing. 

Sarah

[Custard Cream]

Hello and welcome. I hope you enjoy exploring and find like minded friends here. 🍰

[Lichley]

Welcome! Well if there’s no sexual attraction then you’re asexual. Your ability to enjoy the act of sex should it happen could be  a physical reaction to the stimuli and wanting to pleasure your partner rather than actual sexual attraction. 

[NickyTannock]

@SarahM A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be an Aromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex).

Likewise, Aromanticism is a lack of Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (This is different from liking the idea of romance, or a relationship in general).

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction.

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Rainbow Girl" cake (all edible),

http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/302033-rainbow-girl

[Phantasmal Fingers]

Hmmm. 🤔

 

Hello! 😀

 

Welcome aboard - if you've not already left! 🙂