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Vivid sexual fantasies


Orb

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Hello, I have a question about having sexual fantasies and whether or not it means I am or am not part of the ace spectrum, or if it has any specific labels I'm not aware of. 

 

Before I start, warning this will have mention of sexual topics, but I won't go into much detail.

 

So yes, I really enjoy fantasizing about sexual scenarios, and it does arouse me mildly most of the time, sometimes a lot. I do masturbate. I'm really into hentai, but I also appreciate realism so my sexual fantasies usually partake in some type of semi-realistic universe. 

 

My fantasies are very diverse, including various kinks and fetishes, people of any gender, settings, relationships between the individuals, sometimes even monsteresque creatures. (I am a very creative person and besides sexual scenarios I also enjoy creating other story aspects. I do however mostly do this in my head, because I'm not the world's greatest writer. But yea, I have a vastly vivid imagination, which besides sexual gratification also functions as general entertainment.)

 

As these stories and characters I create are fictional, none of it actually involves myself or real people, I feel very uncomfortable using real people for my fantasies, although my characters might be based loosely of off real life individuals. My fantasies are always in third person, I like to see the interaction between the characters from the outside, but I do not desire to be a character who's actually present in the scene. It's more like I'm the air that surrounds the characters and objects.

 

Maybe it's worth mentioning that I do not have any attraction towards my original characters. I don't desire to be with them intimately as myself.

 

I am aware of the term autochorisexual, but it doesn't feel quite right to use, as this fictional phenomenon doesn't really feel like a sexuality for me. Let me explain, I do have a completely different sexuality. 

 

I am capable of developing romantic, sensual, sexual, emotional, and platonic attraction, it's just very lacking for me. I've had romantic, sexual, and sensual feelings for other people only a handful of times, and even genuine platonic and emotional feelings for me have been and are continuing to be scarce. I am not someone who enjoys physical contact or intimacy of any sort, but with the right person I do. I become more open and comfortable. It just never happens, I'm bad at making friends, let alone find a partner. I usually want to run away from social situations. 

 

But then, I also have very present aesthetic attraction. Yea I find basically everyone pretty, but this type of attraction feels so different to all the others - the other attractions are purely based on personality and how well I connect with someone, whereas my aesthetic attraction feels closely related to my sexual fantasies. It's superficial, distant, and pleasurable. Finding someone appealing looking gives me no desire to get to know them, on the contrary I'd rather keep distance because they are so attractive and intimidating.

 

All of this leads me to believe I am in some sort of pan and grey-area for all attractions, except aesthetic. In which case I would be bi-aesthetic or omni-aesthetic, because like I just said my aesthetic attraction has nothing to do with minds or personalities, therefor it can't be pan.

 

I just have a hard time fitting my vivid sexual fantasies into this identity. Does it weigh into my sexuality or is it just me entertaining myself? Is it some type of advanced aesthetic attraction? I'm at a loss. Maybe someone else here is in a similar boat or can shed some light on this topic, I thank in advance. Also apologies if I picked the wrong forum topic, I'm new to this.

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1 hour ago, Orb said:

Finding someone appealing looking gives me no desire to get to know them, on the contrary I'd rather keep distance because they are so attractive and intimidating.

Hmm, similar but different? For example, I do like legs, especially mine, but I do find other's legs pleasing to look at too. It doesn't make me want to get to know owner of said legs since not only there are many of those, but probability of us being compatible is negligible. This is what makes me think this is not "real" attraction, since normal people seem to not care about compatibility much when they are attracted to someone...

 

Anyway, I'm no expert at labels, but maybe you are just too complicated to fit into them? Maybe it would be better to treat you as individual? For example, what kind of partner would you think you could get along with and what would you like to share with them? Might be more informative than labels 😺

 

 

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1 hour ago, RakshaTheCat said:

This is what makes me think this is not "real" attraction, since normal people seem to not care about compatibility much when they are attracted to someone...

Yes exactly! It's just some nice visual. 

 

Good point, I had been thinking about that briefly as well. My ideal partner would be my best friend, someone I can joke around with, someone I feel completely comfortable with being vulnerable, someone I genuinely love as a person, preferably we would have some interests in common, but being a bit different also adds to the fun. We would do fun things together or just stay at home and relax. I don't think I'll ever be super clingy, but with this person I wouldn't mind being touched. I think I would like there to be sex, even though I have no experience, and the thought of it usually makes me uncomfortable, but with my ideal partner I think it would be nice. Maybe for me it just comes down to feeling safe enough to feel anything. 

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2 hours ago, Orb said:

someone I feel completely comfortable with being vulnerable, someone I genuinely love as a person

Have you managed to find anyone like that? If yes, how did you do that? I'm asking, since everything else seems to be relatively easy to find, but this feels impossible. For example, I never wanted sex, I'm not even handsome by any popular standards, and yet there were still people trying to have it with me... But something like actually being vulnerable with each other, I don't think it's very popular concept at all...

 

Quote

Maybe for me it just comes down to feeling safe enough to feel anything. 

Same. It always baffles me how other people constantly fall in love with almost complete strangers, way before establishing any kind of trust. I just don't work that way...

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16 minutes ago, RakshaTheCat said:

Have you managed to find anyone like that?

I have an online friend that I feel really close to, but it's not sexual or romantic, more like a companion. We are vulnerable to eachother. Actually most of the things I listed for an ideal partner apply to platonic friendship as well. Hmm. Well I found him on Facebook and when I saw his profile picture I had this feeling of familiarity, and lo and behold we clicked almost instantly. It was pretty surreal. But I have no clue how to find someone like that again. I'll just wait and see what the future brings .

 

30 minutes ago, RakshaTheCat said:

Same. It always baffles me how other people constantly fall in love with almost complete strangers, way before establishing any kind of trust. I just don't work that way...

Yea me either, I trust almost no one 😟.

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3 hours ago, Orb said:

Well I found him on Facebook and when I saw his profile picture I had this feeling of familiarity

Hmm, how did you get that out of just a profile picture? 😺

 

3 hours ago, Orb said:

Yea me either, I trust almost no one 😟.

Maybe have to replace those people with trustworthy ones? How to find them though...

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