Piece of Cake Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 A while back, my mom asked me if I was gay. I couldn’t explain asexuality at the time, so I told her I was straight. Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out, and afterwards, I think I may have told my mom I am ace. She said we would talk about it when I wasn’t out of it. Any advice on how I should deal with this? I’m kinda freaking out. I’ve been wanting to tell her for a while now, but I have been putting it off. I’m both relieved and scared as hell now. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Hopefully she dismisses it because it'll suck if you weren't prepared to come out. It's one of my fears about when I'm soon going to have my wisdom teeth out one day too. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Stick to something simple, like "It just means I'm not into people sexually. I still want a romantic relationship, though, just without the sex." Tweak to whatever describes your experience best. Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Do what you can, if she remembers to a ask you about what you said. I'm living by myself and had my wisdom teeth removed, one the had to cut in half ,but also cut off part of another tooth to get it out. They only numbed me. If you choose to tell her, say what YOU think is best...... I wish you luck, and I hope she believes you, and accepts you. Link to post Share on other sites
Void_Screamer_907 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 As someone who just came out accidentally too, my best advice is (assuming you're comfortable and wanting to come out to her at this time. No pressure to come out at this moment of course) to stick with your guns. Explain how romance and sex aren't inherently connected, and how you really feel. Be honest but stand your ground. In the end, tell her however much you feel comfortable sharing with her. Hope she understands, but remember you have a community to fall back on if things go south. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
- Saph - Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 It is already very good that she asks to discuss this again! Just try to be prepared for when that happens. If you find short pamphlets or reference materials you can prepare them for the talk. My parents had 2 fears that I had to fight: Me being a total psycho/alien: Testimonies from other people helped. Other people were in the same boat and still happy. Me being stuck with this label forever: I explained that it was the best label now but that I would not let it limit me. Link to post Share on other sites
allieakat Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 If your Mom previously started a conversation about you being gay I think it's quite possible that she is open to accepting that you are something other than heterosexual - it does indicate that she's unlikely to go into denial, at least. Saphoune is also right that her openness to conversation is a good thing, as is her not wanting to take advantage of you while you were loopy from anaesthetic. (I'm actually coming around to quite liking your Mom just from your four short sentences about her. Plus she's raised an awesome son, right?) I'm wishing you good luck, but I think you and your Mom will be fine even without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Piece of Cake Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 Thanks! She still hasn’t asked about it even after being able to talk again. I think she may be waiting for me to be fully healed. You are right though, she is an awesome person, which is why I’ve been wanting to tell her. I just don’t think I would have done it on my own unless she brought it up again. I’m just terrible at initiating conversation. That’s part of why I’ve put it off. I was going to tell her on the eleventh and never got to it. I appreciate the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Piece of Cake Posted March 25, 2020 Author Share Posted March 25, 2020 So... I had told her over text a month at the end of October. She seemed fine with it at the time, but I’ve also been identifying as a trans woman, and I had bought my own clothes, and she had found them back in January. We argued, and she pulled the hormone card and said I was just sick in the head in relation to being ace AND trans, which hurt because I have depression and suicidal thoughts, which she is now aware of. So, that didn’t go well at all. Now I’m back in the closet again for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
twetzel59 Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 19 hours ago, Piece of Cake said: So... I had told her over text a month at the end of October. She seemed fine with it at the time, but I’ve also been identifying as a trans woman, and I had bought my own clothes, and she had found them back in January. We argued, and she pulled the hormone card and said I was just sick in the head in relation to being ace AND trans, which hurt because I have depression and suicidal thoughts, which she is now aware of. So, that didn’t go well at all. Now I’m back in the closet again for a while. You are not sick, don't worry. I'm really sorry she took it that way. It's certainly a shame that coming out didn't go as planned, but I'm glad it seems like you've done what you need to to feel secure. I'm concerned about these suicidal thoughts. Is there a trans friendly help line you can call in your area? I want to make sure you're safe Link to post Share on other sites
zzkitty42 Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 On 3/24/2020 at 11:21 PM, Piece of Cake said: So... I had told her over text a month at the end of October. She seemed fine with it at the time, but I’ve also been identifying as a trans woman, and I had bought my own clothes, and she had found them back in January. We argued, and she pulled the hormone card and said I was just sick in the head in relation to being ace AND trans, which hurt because I have depression and suicidal thoughts, which she is now aware of. So, that didn’t go well at all. Now I’m back in the closet again for a while. 4 hours ago, twetzel59 said: You are not sick, don't worry. I'm really sorry she took it that way. It's certainly a shame that coming out didn't go as planned, but I'm glad it seems like you've done what you need to to feel secure. I'm concerned about these suicidal thoughts. Is there a trans friendly help line you can call in your area? I want to make sure you're safe I'm really sorry to hear about how your mom reacted. That really sucks. I want to reiterate what twetzel said and pass on a resource you may find helpful https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ If you're not already aware of the Trevor Project they have both a crisis line (1-866-488-7386), a text message resource ( Info: "TrevorText is a confidential and secure resource that provides live help for LGBTQ youth with a trained specialist, over text messages. Text START to 678678."), and lots of other helpful resources. There is also the Trans Lifeline: https://www.translifeline.org/hotline which I know less about but also seems like a great resource. Both of these are based in the US / Canada, but if you would like help researching resources in other countries let me know. Please know that there are people out here who love and support you, and want you to be safe. We're here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 We're here for you! She'll also come to understand over time. It might hurt for now, but it gets better. Link to post Share on other sites
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