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Am i an Egg?


Gorg2120

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(If you dont know what egg means it means someone who is obviously trans but hasnt discovered it for themselves yet)

I am AFAB and I have hated my breasts since they started growing during puberty. Some days i hate my chest so bad that i want to just cut my breasts off forever, but other days its fine. ( theres a lot more days i hate my chest then days im okay with them thou) Recently i have been looking into myself and trying to figure out exactly why i hate my chest. while doing so i have realized how much better i like myself with a flat chest and when i wear masculine presenting clothes and do more masc things. Growing up i dont think i ever felt as girly as the other girls in my class, i never wore makeup or painted my nails and always perferred hanging out with the boys and digging in the dirt. something else is that i always hated my name. i never felt that name was me. That my name was something else that everyone thought they saw but on the inside i was something different it felt way too feminine for who i was.  My very first binder is delivering tomorrow thou so i will see how that goes and see if that helps at all. 

I found the word demigirl recently and thought that could be me but i still feel wrong or that im just faking. I feel very much that i am at least partially feminine thou because i do love the color pink. Like i dont feel completely trans-trans just like not fully relate to female. i know that is the definition of demigirl but i just feel bed or that im faking and im scared to even try to start wearing more masc clothes because everyone thinks of me in a certain way but thats just not really me on the inside. i asked myself some questions like "what do you wish to accomplish by identifying with demigirl/or Not A Girl?" and "do i like being seen and treated as something other than my assigned gender at birth?"  and those questions really helped clear some clouds and one of my friends told me to just try it and see what happens. If i feel better like that then i should be like that. I might ask for masc clothes for my birthday (its in a week) or something. My school is doing a "genderswapped" day in a few weeks for red ribbon and im so excited to wear super masculine clothes. My girlfriend called me an egg today when i was talking to her about it and now im kind of thinking i might be. 

 

EDIT: I AM GREYGENDER I FIGURED IT OUT THANKS TO EVERYONES SUPPORT AND HELP

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Mackenzie Holiday

Hi @Gorg2120! Welcome to AVEN!

 

It's tradition to welcome new members with cake.

 

Image result for masculine cake

 

It sounds like you could be having some symptoms of gender dysphoria, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're trans. The thing about gender is it's not about how masculine you are or how feminine you are, how you feel about your body, or how you like to present yourself. It's about how you feel about yourself. If you feel like a guy, then you are. If you feel like a girl, then you are. If you feel like a demigirl, then you are. If it feels right, then you're not faking. Even if it only feels right for a moment. If it feels right in that moment, then it's true for you in that moment.

 

I love the idea of a gender-swap day! And that will definitely give you a chance to explore how you feel about yourself when you get to express your masculinity. So, to answer your question by not answering your question, you're right, you might be trans. But it's not something anyone else can discover for you. People may be picking up that you might be, but until you know the answer yourself, they won't be able to know for sure either. So keep exploring who you are and be whoever you're happiest being. :)

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I know people who identified as non-binary until they came out as either a transman or trans woman.  I also know non binary people who I have known for the better part of a decade who have not come out as a trans man or trans woman.  You aren’t alone in this at all.

 

My advice is to keep doing what you’re doing. Keep testing things out, play with things figure out what works for you.

 

 

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Sometimes people identify with “intermediate” identities. I’m afab and had identified with demigirl for awhile but never felt right in it. I bounced around various agender type labels (leaning both feminine and masculine side of it). Before landing on genderflux trans guy. I’ve heard similar stories from friends. It could be what you’re going through or maybe you just gotta get used to it. But if it feels uncomfy then maybe keep an ear open for a more accurate/well fitting label. 

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Hello and welcome! 

First thing first, no one else can tell you what you are, because only you can tell what feels right. 

Second, you're not faking. How can someone fake the fact of questioning their gender? You are wondering about yourself and trying on a few identities, and there's no way to really fake that, is there? 

 

Also, your expression doesn't influence your gender, although conformity makes one's gender regulate one's expression. But gender norms are arbitrary. Not so long ago, pink was considered a masculine colour because it was close to red, and blue was feminine. Trans guys can like pink, they can even like dresses and makeup and ridiculously frilly stuff and still not be girls, because guy is what feels right to them. Aesthetic tastes shouldn't necessarily be gendered. 

 

Then, there is:

6 hours ago, Gorg2120 said:

"what do you wish to accomplish by identifying with demigirl/or Not A Girl?"

It doesn't have to do anything but make you comfortable. If it feels better than your current label, claim it shamelessly. Why should you refuse yourself that? 

 

I encourage you to keep experimenting, too. I relate with your discomfort, but yeah, sometimes it's not enough to allow ourselves to 'trespass' into trans territory, right? But after getting a binder myself, and feeling so much better with it, it was easier to allow myself to 'not be a girl'. I agree that it shouldn't be that way. There should be no criteria for identifying as something else than your AGAB, but body insecurities are way too common and some AFABs can even wonder if they dislike their breasts because they want larger ones (with the astronomically high beauty standards forced on us by the media and stuff, you know about that). Euphoria, however, is a strong indicator. If your binder makes you happy, it might help you accept yourself as... well, whatever you are~

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DuranDuranfan

I wish my school had done a gender swap day. 

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Janus the Fox

I’ve seen that term Egg used a lot on Reddit and I’m at the least a cracked purple one :)

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On 10/17/2019 at 10:50 PM, Gorg2120 said:

(If you dont know what egg means it means someone who is obviously trans but hasn't discovered it for themselves yet)

I hadn't heard this term before today. Thanks for sharing!

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DuranDuranfan

It’s possible you might be bigender, like me. What you describe sounds like thoughts and feelings I’ve had. And when I got my binder, tried it on, and looked at the siloette it gave me, it felt right, like it suited the masculine side of my identity. I’m also considering reducing my breast size, since there are times where my feminine side asserts itself so I don’t want to have them completely removed. But I’ll still have the option of binding them whenever I shift to my masculine side. 
 

Since you also describe times where you shift between masculine and feminine, this is why also believe that bigender is a form of gender fluidity.

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