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Do people not believe you when you come out?


kstitch

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Is it common for other people too that when you do come out as ace to friends or whoever that they originally just don't believe you?

 

A few nights ago I was hanging out with a new friend I made after I moved states, and we've been talking a lot and gotten pretty close. He told me he was bisexual and of course I didn't even flinch. I was just like "cool if you wanna talk about that we can" blah blah. And then right after I told him I am asexual and he just like giggled and I got mad and asked if he didn't believe me and he said not at first. I still don't think he believes me. Like why would I joke about that? I know we aren't a large group but like why is it more believable to come out as bi (in this example) than ace? Anyone else notice this?

 

I'm not trying to say coming out is easy for anyone at all, just wondering if you see a difference in reactions depending on what you come out as (if that makes sense)?

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I haven't experienced that personally exactly but then again I am not out to many people. I have had a few annoying questions and misconceptions though. 

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I came out to a friend when we were both 18. She said to tell her again in like five years that I was still asexual.

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Anonymous Axolotl

Coincidentally, the first person I came out to also happened to be ace, and I hadn't know that prior to that conversation, so we both sort of came out to each other at the same time.

 

With regards to the joking thing, I think it comes down to the fact that asexuality is something many non-aces have never thought about, so it puts them in a position of having to suddenly and unexpectedly be faced with this totally alien concept. It makes them feel awkward and uncomfortable, and laughter is a way to alleviate discomfort and relax. Have you felt so incredibly uncomfortable or awkward for some reason that you let out a chuckle, or make a somewhat weird, distorted smile? Not like you're forcing any of it, but rather, it happens unconsciously and unintentionally? I imagine that's what happened with your bi friend. I see it as a sort of self-defense mechanism many people have been wired to have in order to help them momentarily cope with facing a new reality.

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Not disbelief so much as a sort of dismissiveness. Like they think I'm missing out and any relationships I might have are not quite as good as a sexual relationship or don't really count. They will say things like, "I was hoping for more" or "well, I guess if it works for you at this time..." or similar kinds of comments that kind of diminish things.

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Yes, it's noticable. The general LGBT community has issues with accepting asexuality as a valid identity, which leads me to believe they think it's simply people who haven't come to terms with their sexual attraction, or are simply confused. So it's even harder to come out to people who you want to trust. Then again, there's still a majority of accepting LGBT members, so maybe it's depending more on the person who you're coming out to.

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