Lookin4life Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 My partner is nonbinary demisexual, i am pansexual and cis. Weve been together for a year and were going strong. I havent done much into researching asexuality or the grey umbrella, ive kind of just accepted its validity and went with it. However upon being with my partner for a year now i find myself wanting to understand more so i can be a better support for them. Can yall literally bombard me with information or links? Maybe tell me things you wish someone had told you or did for you? Things that most people dont really understand? Links to places for them? Resources for them? Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Hi @Lookin4life, welcome to AVEN! This site is definitely a good place to get more information than you'll ever need about the whole asexual umbrella. Reading the FAQs on the main site (https://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html) and exploring any topics that sound particularly relevant to you on these forums are great places to start. But when it comes to ways to support them in their particular experience, your partner will probably be your best resource. It sounds like you care a lot about them and are already really open to learning about their experience, so before we bombard you with more specific information and links that may or may not be applicable to them, does your partner seem to be in need of more support that they don't know how to ask you for? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookin4life Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 ...its just something i've seen. I know them very well and they struggle a lot with having their family not be as accepting to their gender identity, their fathers side completely disowned them.. Ive introduced them to mine. My grandmother has taken them in practically as her own grand child. I could totally be anticipating something that may be nothing because they seem to be holding pretty well (even though it seems like they try to cover the chip on their shoulder with a smile). However, they are literally the only person i know that identifies like they do and I live in a town of half a million people. Of which i lived here my whole life and run into people i know all the time. I guess what im asking, as far as that goes, is how i can get my partner in touch and build friendships with people who identify like them and so they can be a better support for each other. I could always ask my partner about life as a nonbinary demi...i could understand the concept...but i couldnt be in their shoes. I want to try to be a better surrogate for that though...so it helps for me to see, hear, and read other peoples experiences. Weve also dealt with a manager (at their old job) who like their family tried to tell them they wouldnt call them by their chosen name or respect their gender identity. My partner ignored them when they called their real name and only responded when they were called by their chosen name. Unfortunately we live in a "at will" state that doesnt provide much protection to workers who can be fired for any reason they can legally write on paper and submit to hr. I convinced them to join a job that would be a much better environment and more accepting of their identity, but even that involves risk. (New job. Loss of seniority. Unstable for the first couple of months.) I hate seeing how they have to prove their validity to everyone just for some common curtousy. If it helps, im the extrovert that adopted the introvert too lol. I am 100% willing to go to social meet ups and things like it to support my partner. Im just not sure where to start. Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Hi @Lookin4life, it's really great to see how supportive you are of your partner in so many ways! Thanks so much for sharing, I have a much clearer picture of what you're looking for. Getting in touch with other asexuals in person can be tricky, but there is a meetup mart on the forum intended to help facilitate just that. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/ As far as other resources specific to supporting your partner goes, there's a forum of community links, one of which is the Demisexuality Resource Center. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/80-community-link-forum/ And of course, your partner is always welcome to join AVEN and find support here, if they'd like! It may not be the same as meeting up with a group of asexuals somewhere, but what we lack in physical presence we make up for in numbers. I've found it to be incredibly validating to be in an online space with so many other people who fall under the asexual umbrella. There are also a lot of people on here who are not asexual, and they are all always welcome here as well. If you're wanting a better understanding of what it's like to live as an asexual, you will be more than welcome to stick around as long as you like. Browse through the forums here, read what we're talking about, contribute to the different conversations that are going on, and ask questions to your heart's content. You'll find plenty of other significant others of asexuals, and I'm sure you can learn a lot from them as well. Lastly, I forgot to mention in my last post that it's tradition here to welcome new members with cake. Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 I don't really have anything to add as Mackenzie seems to fill you in pretty well lol I just want to say that it makes me happy seeing how supportive you are of your partner and willing to take the time to understand them more! I know it's just a thing a supportive and loving partner would do but it just put a smile on my face today especially for how long you've two been together! ;v; Link to post Share on other sites
Lookin4life Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 38 minutes ago, Internetlionboy said: I don't really have anything to add as Mackenzie seems to fill you in pretty well lol I just want to say that it makes me happy seeing how supportive you are of your partner and willing to take the time to understand them more! I know it's just a thing a supportive and loving partner would do but it just put a smile on my face today especially for how long you've two been together! ;v; ^.^ I learned a couple of years ago that love is a choice. Sure it comes with butterflies in the beginning but both people have to constantly chose to work on themselves and work on each other. They have to chose to treat each other with love and respect and communicate as a team as equally as they have to learn to love and respect themselves enough to set boundaries that make THEMSELVES happy. Eventually when the honey moon fades, that choice could make or break that relationship. Do you just settle and expect them to stick around? Or do you start a new game + taking them on dates and trying to respark the romance. True love will never be just about a feeling. Its a concious desire to build a life together and reflect on how much it means to you and how you couldn't imagine a world without them. Its entertwining your worlds just enough that you meld but still have your own corner. Its not dead....just....different then what weve been taught. A very big thing i learned was the 5 love languages. I made my partner take the quiz with me after 3 months and it helped us understand each other a lot. Im a words of affirmation/quality time person and theyre a quality time/physical person. So i made more time for cuddling and they speak more words of love/compliment to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookin4life Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 58 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said: Hi @Lookin4life, it's really great to see how supportive you are of your partner in so many ways! Thanks so much for sharing, I have a much clearer picture of what you're looking for. Getting in touch with other asexuals in person can be tricky, but there is a meetup mart on the forum intended to help facilitate just that. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/ As far as other resources specific to supporting your partner goes, there's a forum of community links, one of which is the Demisexuality Resource Center. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/80-community-link-forum/ And of course, your partner is always welcome to join AVEN and find support here, if they'd like! It may not be the same as meeting up with a group of asexuals somewhere, but what we lack in physical presence we make up for in numbers. I've found it to be incredibly validating to be in an online space with so many other people who fall under the asexual umbrella. There are also a lot of people on here who are not asexual, and they are all always welcome here as well. If you're wanting a better understanding of what it's like to live as an asexual, you will be more than welcome to stick around as long as you like. Browse through the forums here, read what we're talking about, contribute to the different conversations that are going on, and ask questions to your heart's content. You'll find plenty of other significant others of asexuals, and I'm sure you can learn a lot from them as well. Lastly, I forgot to mention in my last post that it's tradition here to welcome new members with cake. Welcome to AVEN! Thank you all so much! I really appreciate this and ill be sure to let my partner know ^.^ Also, the cake is utter perfection thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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