Actually My Name's Marina Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 It's only really become clear for me that I'm probably demisexual after I've managed to sweep away the worst of the debris following my twenties. I didn't know whether I wasn't hot on sex because trauma or because genuine orientation until some part of me decided that, if the conditions were right, I'd try it again -- and at the same time, mostly the conditions won't be right, not because of what he did but because of who I am. Which is not to say sex-repulsed, but as a friend of mine put it, there is a squick zone and for most individuals, most acts are in it. There is a physical obstacle to PIV, which again depending on the person, may be worth tackling or may just be "we'll do without it". And if I never ever have sex again I will be fine. It's the companionship I will miss the most. I worry that I will never be married. I want someone to curl up with me and be my person. I want us to build a life together and never be lonely. I want us maybe to foster a kid together. Is that such an ask? Yes, I'm romantic, but also I am practical and if that means my person is never my romantic partner, how different does that look for me than a life where my person is? For all I know it's easier. I just have a thing about someday getting up in front of my parish to proclaim that my person is my person, and doing so in a pretty dress. Having the blessing, having the legal protections. Girl least likely, but the girl can't help it. Just how she's made. Anyway. That's me. 33/mostly cis woman/she, her, hers. Hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggle Underdark Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Welcome! I'm demisexual myself. I hope your newfound clarity helps you going forward! Per tradition, welcome cake. This is an edible planet Mars. (It's theoretically possible that you like Mars.) Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Fairy" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/267486-fairy# Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Welcome! Yeah that’s the dream. Link to post Share on other sites
uniQChick Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 @Actually My Name's Marina I am looking further into the future, my sister! My God bless you abundantly and bring you that special person you longing after! May I present a wedding cake for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Actually My Name's Marina Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 That wonderful wedding cake was posted on my 34th birthday! And things have gotten less and less clear. I don't know *how* to define myself except that I don't need sex to be happy, and I don't want that expectation and that pressure on me all the darn time. Maybe if the person pushed just the right button and, um, wouldn't hurt? Because that is a consideration, very much so. But it's so hard to put all this on a dating site. Whoever it is needs to be prepared for me to say "ow, sex isn't worth it, can we just be spouses?" I sort of can't with girl parts but I'm okay with guy parts, again, as long as they don't hurt. I have the girl parts of a menopausal woman. So: I know I want to be in love and married and emotionally entangled and all that. I don't know that I need anything below the waist, unless we both want it very much and are prepared to improvise and/or deal with doing less than . . . what even is normal? And right now my family and friends are meeting so many of my emotional needs that if it weren't for them all being so far away, and my family being Old AF, I wouldn't *care* so much about finding someone. But my parents specifically are Old AF and sometime in the next ten to twenty years, I will be an orphan. I don't want to be single for that. I don't think I would survive it. Yes, I have a therapist. How do I... condense this? Into something that people will actually understand? Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 12 hours ago, Actually My Name's Marina said: I don't know *how* to define myself except that I don't need sex to be happy, and I don't want that expectation and that pressure on me all the darn time. 12 hours ago, Actually My Name's Marina said: How do I... condense this? Into something that people will actually understand? There are a couple of things to consider; sexual attraction, and willingness to have sex. I define sexual attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex). If you don't experience this, then you could be asexual, and if you experience it rarely or under specific circumstances, then you could be greysexual, which includes demisexual. And if the idea of having sex makes you uncomfortable, then you could be sex-averse, or if you lack any strong feelings about having sex, sex-indifferent. I hope you find this information helpful. There's also a thread with more information that you might want to look at, if you haven't already: READ ME: A Guide and FAQ to the Asexual Q&A Wonderland Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 On August 30, 2020 at 11:17 PM, Actually My Name's Marina said: Whoever it is needs to be prepared for me to say "ow, sex isn't worth it, can we just be spouses? And right now my family and friends are meeting so many of my emotional needs that if it weren't for them all being so far away, and my family being Old AF, I wouldn't *care* so much about finding someone. But my parents specifically are Old AF and sometime in the next ten to twenty years, I will be an orphan. I don't want to be single for that. I don't think I would survive it. How do I... condense this? Into something that people will actually understand? I can dig that much anyway, especially the part about your parents. If mom brings up the subject I'll abruptly stop it; it's just not something I can stand to think about, so I just try to make sure not to take her for granted. She's not old AF so to speak, but she's officially a senior now. I have only one friend locally; none of the others stayed in touch and I never knew my father, so those are moot points. Some people drive Ramblers but I become one when I get going, heh. Generally I have two speeds: stop and go. Link to post Share on other sites
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