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shdow555

A question on Aegosexuality

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shdow555

 

Hey,

 

I wanted to ask this community a question that has been on my mind for a while. 

 

The Aego label is for those who have fantasies but from what I have read, it seems it is for those who fantasize in third person. 

 

I have been fantasizing with me actively involved for over a decade, so its not occasional. It involves a fictional woman or an actress and i also fantasize about men. I think the same gender fantasies confuse me alot because they feel stronger in my fantasies and yet for over a decade of anatomizing, around real women i feel no curiosity or desire at all. I dont know how this is possible. fyi, I am a virgin too because I lack any real desire or motivation to seek out or engage in real world intimacy.

 

 My situation seems unique in this community and I haven't chosen to identify as ACE because of that. I looked into if I have internalized homophobia.  But If I didnt want to be bisexual or a lesbian, but truly desired it, shouldn't I be able to locate an attraction to real women? Can internalized homophobia truly be so strong that it causes one to not feel anything for real people in the real world (meaning outside of fantasies) and oy show up in fantasies to alert me that I am indeed either bisexual or a lesbian? These are some of the questions I think about. 

 

 

Edited by shdow555
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CBC
7 minutes ago, shdow555 said:

Can internalized homophobia truly be so strong that it causes one to not feel anything for real people in the real world (meaning outside of fantasies) and oy show up in fantasies to alert me that I am indeed either bisexual or a lesbian?

I'm not an expert, but I imagine it could be possible for some people, yeah.

 

Also, real experiences can play a significant role for some people. Perhaps since you've never actively sought out an intimate relationship with anyone, it could be hard for you to know how you'd feel and act if you met someone you were interested in. I'm not much of a people-seeker-outer either, platonically or romantically. But I've met people in random ways, gotten to know them, and felt attraction. People feel romantic and sexual interest in different ways.

 

But of course I can't say for certain. I imagine time will tell. Are you young?

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theV0ID
20 minutes ago, shdow555 said:

Can internalized homophobia truly be so strong that it causes one to not feel anything for real people in the real world (meaning outside of fantasies) and oy show up in fantasies to alert me that I am indeed either bisexual or a lesbian?

I'm sure it can, but it is also normal to fantasise about things you have no interest in doing in reality. As CBC says, this seems like a "time will tell" situation, or you could see a  therapist to help you figure things out if you're really concerned.

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RavenQueen
25 minutes ago, shdow555 said:

The Aego label is for those who have fantasies but from what I have read, it seems it is for those who fantasize in third person. 

 

I have been fantasizing with me actively involved for over a decade, so its not occasional. It involves a fictional woman or an actress and i also fantasize about men. I think the same gender fantasies confuse me alot because they feel stronger in my fantasies and yet for over a decade of anatomizing, around real women i feel no curiosity or desire at all.

 

You are Aego for sure, yet, fantasizing about women is normal for some; I guess with girls, you can relate to their feelings and pleasure. 

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shdow555
16 minutes ago, CBC said:

 

 

But of course I can't say for certain. I imagine time will tell. Are you young?

Thank you and others for replying. Ohh, I am far from young. I noticed I accidentally wrote mid-20's in one of my older threads and didn't correct it but I was supposed to write mid-30's. Lol, its been this way for a very long time. I've spent most of my life highly confused as to what my actual sexual and romantic orientation is. I may remain this way my whole life and never find answers. 

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theV0ID

Well if you haven't experienced any desire for partnered sex at your age I think you can feel pretty secure identifying as asexual/aego if you feel like it fits you reasonably well. If things turn out differently in future, oh well, no harm done.

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shdow555
5 minutes ago, RavenQueen said:

You are Aego for sure, yet, fantasizing about women is normal for some; I guess with girls, you can relate to their feelings and pleasure. 

Thanks! Thing is I also read people writing that Aego is for those who do not participate in their fantasies (I don't know if it was a research paper) so based on that I went with that understanding. I find that lack of consensus around the term based on my very limited research so far (and I could be way off here) to be the very reason I have hesitated to identify with that label. 

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shdow555
10 minutes ago, theV0ID said:

Well if you haven't experienced any desire for partnered sex at your age I think you can feel pretty secure identifying as asexual/aego if you feel like it fits you reasonably well. If things turn out differently in future, oh well, no harm done.


Yes, that is very true, but then I spoke to some individuals who identify as LGBT they said my story sounded just like theirs before they came out and some said they would use the fantasies to self identify as bisexual or a lesbian and so it has caused me a lot of confusion around what actually distinguishes my experience from theirs. I've also read from others that occasional fantasies may not be indicative but that long-term fantasies can be and often are enough to use to self-identify as bisexual or a lesbian. My issue is I am someone who often relies on objective measurement of things to help me make sense of stuff, and the vast different experiences and opinions just adds a huge blur to my already bizarre fantasy/real world separation. 

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Nowhere Girl

Just by the way, the correct spelling is anegosexual. This is the rule: if the first sound after the "a-" prefix is a vowel, the prefix is used in the extended form "an-". It works exactly the same as English determinants: a tomato, but an owl.

15 minutes ago, shdow555 said:

I've also read from others that occasional fantasies may not be indicative but that long-term fantasies can be and often are enough to use to self-identify as bisexual or a lesbian.

I believe that determining one's orientation through fantasies is very useful in one situation: for people who have never had sex. Without it, we would have to accept the absurd conclusion that people who have never had sex have no orientation. Or an equally unacceptable conclusion that everyone is "straight by default" and only people in same-sex relationships can qualify as "not straight". It bothers me insofar as I have repeatedly seen attempts at determining people's orientation based on their behaviour, which have a great flaw: they usually at least act as if they were assuing that sexually inxperienced adults don't exist... But people who have never had sex exist and are often able to say with a lot of certainty nevertheless whether they would want to have sex with a person of different gender, of the same gender, with someone regardless of gender, or whether they don't want to have sex at all.

So if someone has fantasies, but also feels that they don't want to have sex in real life, it's usually safe to conclude that such a person is a libidoist asexual with a vivid sexual imagination.

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Laurann
1 hour ago, shdow555 said:

Thing is I also read people writing that Aego is for those who do not participate in their fantasies (I don't know if it was a research paper) so based on that I went with that understanding.

Anegosexuality was coined by someone who wanted their autochorissexuality to be orientation, rather than having it be a paraphilia. Autochorissexuality was coined by Anthony Bogaert in his book 'Asexuality,' and it does describe people who have third person fantasies, so they don't participate.

What is it that makes you think you are anegosexual? The fact that you don't want to actually carry out your fantasies?

 

Here is the chapter in which the term is coined:

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Click it to make it bigger, and if that's not enough, press the ctrl and + buttons on your keyboard at the same time a couple of times.

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shdow555
37 minutes ago, Laurann said:

Anegosexuality was coined by someone who wanted their autochorissexuality to be orientation, rather than having it be a paraphilia. Autochorissexuality was coined by Anthony Bogaert in his book 'Asexuality,' and it does describe people who have third person fantasies, so they don't participate.

What is it that makes you think you are anegosexual? The fact that you don't want to actually carry out your fantasies?

 

Here is the chapter in which the term is coined:

 

 

Click it to make it bigger, and if that's not enough, press the ctrl and + buttons on your keyboard at the same time a couple of times.

 

Yes, that's the research I was referencing. So based on this I got that Anego/autochris (I assume these are the same thing) is where a person is fantasizing in third person. 

My case just seems vastly different than many asexual's. Someone told me to look into the label because I have no desire to act on my long-term fantasies. 

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Laurann
Just now, shdow555 said:

Someone told me to look into the label because I have no desire to act on my long-term fantasies. 

Hm, yeah that's not what the label describes. I'm not sure if there is a label that describes not wanting to act on fantasies, but I think it's a fairly common thing among sexual people. Though I'd need confirmation on that, don't take my word on it.

Having sexual fantasies that involve yourself is less common among aces, but that doesn't mean aces who have those can't exist.

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Tunhope

The words themselves define the situation. Anegosexual ( from Latin) : no ego or  'I' . Autochorissexual ( from Greek) :  self (auto) apart (chori)

So I would think that if a person participates in the fantasy, they are not anegosexual or autochorissexual. It's not about whether or not they would act the fantasy out. It's about their role ( or rather their lack of role) in the fantasy.

Thank you for posting the extract @Laurann

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theV0ID

Do you feel that having a highly specific label like anegosexual is really necessary? Can you not be satisfied with merely considering yourself asexual until proven otherwise? I know many people seem to get value from these super specific preference or behaviour labels but I've never seen the point myself. Technically I would be classed as anego/autochori but I've never seen the point of identifying as anything other than asexual. It's not like anyone else cares what I fantasise about and having a specific label which only a tiny percent of people know the meaning of is the opposite of useful for communication.

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Internetlionboy

Yeah I think you can just use ace and say if anyone asks that you can only have fantasies in 3rd person. I mean I'm technically cupioromantic and cupiosexual as I don't experience either romantic or sexual attraction but I just use oriented aroace and just aroace as that's the label that makes me the most happiest. But if aegosexuality makes you happy, feel free to use it as I think it's ok when people find comfort in specific labels if it makes them happy and it's able to describe their feelings more clearly but that's just my opinion ghsdfhjfhd

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shdow555
10 hours ago, theV0ID said:

Do you feel that having a highly specific label like anegosexual is really necessary? 

 

Valid point! A label is useful for me in so far as it helps confirm my experience. I know no one outside of myself needs to do that but because my experience seems very different in the asexual community it does cause me to doubt using the label. Because my experience is closer to bisexual/lesbians there is that mental back and forth as to if those labels represent me more accurately. I dont mind using them but whether those labels communicate my real world fèelings around real people (not fantasies)  is where i am stuck.  I qestion if its internanlized homiphobia at play. But then ive been analyzing my fantasies for years now and nothing has changed in terms of the seperation i feel for my real life and long term fantasies. I dont know why ive ngaged with them for so long and why i have no desire to follow through. It is what it is and not sure any more analyzing is any helpful.

 

Side-note: I appreciate you and everyone's input here. Thank you.

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Tunhope
22 hours ago, theV0ID said:

 Technically I would be classed as anego/autochori but I've never seen the point of identifying as anything other than asexual. It's not like anyone else cares what I fantasise about and having a specific label which only a tiny percent of people know the meaning of is the opposite of useful for communication.

but here we are - discussing it so the label/s have furthered communication even if amongst a small percentage of people. ( Given the number of threads involving anego/ chori, the number seems to be growing.)

Labels are helpful to some people; others find them superfluous. Whatever floats the boat.

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Moon6Shadow
On 10/17/2019 at 4:13 PM, shdow555 said:

But then ive been analyzing my fantasies for years now and nothing has changed in terms of the seperation i feel for my real life and long term fantasies. I dont know why ive ngaged with them for so long and why i have no desire to follow through. It is what it is and not sure any more analyzing is any helpful.

Personally I'm Anego AroAce to fantasy people and Grey?Aro/Ace to real people, using the short version of those labels. I use Anego AroAce for fantasy people since I don't have any sexual or romantic desires for the characters at all and react negatively to using anegoromantic and anegosexual. So really calling myself Anego could seem redundant since as someone on AVEN said 'typically in regards to labels most people just want to know if you're sexual or romantic, or not' but personally I care. Since I'm way more interested in figuring out what type of stories I enjoy reading rather then what people I might be attracted to and so I gave myself fantasy people labels as well as real people labels.

 

Although I do tend to keep what that person said in mind when it comes to considering which of my labels people might actually be interested in, this includes my real people labels which are rather long and require explaining, and so I typically leave the anego unsaid unless it's relevant to the conversation, despite the fact I personally consider my Anego fantasy people labels more real and important then my real people labels. However I'm not saying you have to, especially since you're anegosexual rather then anego ace.

 

Also if you want to give yourself orientation labels eg. bisexual etc. according to fantasy people I say go for it, other people might not care but if you do then that's what matters.

-

As for this:

On 10/17/2019 at 2:13 AM, shdow555 said:

I have been fantasizing with me actively involved for over a decade, so its not occasional. It involves a fictional woman or an actress and i also fantasize about men. I think the same gender fantasies confuse me alot because they feel stronger in my fantasies and yet for over a decade of anatomizing, around real women i feel no curiosity or desire at all. I dont know how this is possible. fyi, I am a virgin too because I lack any real desire or motivation to seek out or engage in real world intimacy.

Have you come across 'Fictosexual' yet?

Fandom Wiki:

Quote

Fictosexual, also known as Fictisexuality is an umbrella term for anyone's whose sexuality is influenced by fictional characters or anyone who's exclusively to fictional characters or a general type of fictional character. It is also an aspec identity, as some aspec people may feel sexual/romantic attraction exclusively to people who they could never possibly be in a relationship with, such as fictional characters. It is sometimes referred to as fictionalsexual. A couple examples as to what identities are fictosexual would be animesexual, medusan, teratosexual, and spectrosexual.

-

On 10/17/2019 at 2:13 AM, shdow555 said:

The Aego label is for those who have fantasies but from what I have read, it seems it is for those who fantasize in third person.

Yes, that's what I've seen in the wikis and how it's come across in posts on Tumblr. I'm not sure which posts were from anegosexuals and which were from, what I personally would call, Anego Aces because both technically fall under the anegosexual (umbrella). (I potentially 'invented' the Anego Ace label because using anegosexual to describe myself was making me feel sexually repulsed, so I have no idea if anyone else uses Anego Ace rather then anegosexual.)

 

Anyway for my own experiences it's extremely third person, I want to be completely and utterly removed from the situation, anything else is just NO. I could describe it as a bit like having a nosy best friend who wants to hear all about everything that is going on in your relationship and calls you an idiot now and then because you should really just talk to each other and figure things out already. Except I don't even want to be the best friend because even that's too involved, I'm just mentally screaming at the characters they are both being idiots while reading the story. XD

 

Basically I'm not romantically or sexually attracted to the characters, I'm attracted to the relationships between the characters, which I classify as something else entirely.

 

Edit: Quick reminder I'm Anego AroAce rather then anegosexual and aromantic and I'm more into the emotional relationship then the physical, where as some people talk of 'living thought' characters via letting another character 'take their place' which I do not do. I don't imagine a character to take my place because I'm uncomfortable with sex, I read about characters together because I'm interested in their relationship not mine. So how third person people's imaginations are may vary although the common thread seems to be that it is third person since, as I point out in a comment below, anegosexual is designed to mean

On 9/7/2019 at 7:51 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

experiencing sexuality without a sense of self

Would have quoted that earlier but unfortunately I forgot it but basically that's what anegosexual means in a nutshell. :)

Edited by Moon6Shadow
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Moon6Shadow
On 10/17/2019 at 5:43 AM, theV0ID said:

Do you feel that having a highly specific label like anegosexual is really necessary? Can you not be satisfied with merely considering yourself asexual until proven otherwise? I know many people seem to get value from these super specific preference or behaviour labels but I've never seen the point myself. Technically I would be classed as anego/autochori but I've never seen the point of identifying as anything other than asexual. It's not like anyone else cares what I fantasise about and having a specific label which only a tiny percent of people know the meaning of is the opposite of useful for communication.

Considering being Anego AroAce to fantasy people was what was stopping me from identifying as Grey?Aro/Ace when it came to real people, I personally found it very important to be able to identify as Anego. Maybe some people don't need that but it's very helpful for the ones that do.

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Moon6Shadow

Side note:

Anego- is commonly misspelled as Aego- because it was likely created online and most people don't know Latin and likely haven't tried to actually pronounce it or realised the pronunciation was wrong when comparing it to 'ego-' and so the misspelling persists. Basically it's difficult to pronounce 'Aego-' without the 'ae' blending into 'e' turning 'Aego-' into 'Ego-' which is the exact opposite of what 'Aego-' was created to mean. Since 'Aego-' was created to work via the 'a' meaning 'not' in Latin eg. asexual = not sexual, but because the 'ae' often blends into an 'e' when trying to pronounce 'aego-' you don't get that 'a = not' effect.

 

So Latin words add 'an' instead of just 'a' to mean 'not' when the 'a' is followed by a vowel so Aego- becomes Anego instead to make it pronounceable in a way that clearly distinguishes it from 'ego-'

 

See:

On 9/7/2019 at 7:51 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

The reason is simple: this is the correct rule of Latin spelling. If the word negated by the "a-" prefix begins with a vowel (in this case just "ego", not "egosexual", because "anegosexual" doesn't mean "not sexually attracted to oneself", but "experiencing sexuality without a sense of self"), the prefix is used in the extended form: "an-". The rule works exactly the same way as English indefinite articles:

a tomato - because "t" is a consonant

but: an owl - because "o" is a vowel and if just "a" was used, the result would be a little cumbersome to pronounce.

If a word such as "aegosexual" was known in ancient Rome, it would also suggest erroneous spelling because "ae" was pronounced like "e". This is visible in some alternative English spelling too: for example the word "esthetic" is usually used in this simplified spelling, but there is also an alternative spelling: "aesthetic".

The reason why the "aegosexual" spelling is so common is that most people don't know Latin... But for me this spelling equals linguistic sloppiness. Everyone should take care to use correct language.

@shdow555

As you pointed out Anego- is very third person, and as said above it's literally designed to mean 'experiencing sexuality without a sense of self' so perhaps that will help you answer your question of 'are you anego- or not'? 

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shdow555
1 hour ago, Moon6Shadow said:

 

As for this:

Have you come across 'Fictosexual' yet?

Fandom Wiki:

 

46 minutes ago, Moon6Shadow said:

Side note:

Anego- is commonly misspelled as Aego- because it was likely created online and most people don't know Latin and likely haven't tried to actually pronounce it or realised the pronunciation was wrong when comparing it to 'ego-' and so the misspelling persists. Basically it's difficult to pronounce 'Aego-' without the 'ae' blending into 'e' turning 'Aego-' into 'Ego-' which is the exact opposite of what 'Aego-' was created to mean. Since 'Aego-' was created to work via the 'a' meaning 'not' in Latin eg. asexual = not sexual, but because the 'ae' often blends into an 'e' when trying to pronounce 'aego-' you don't get that 'a = not' effect.

 

Another very helpful response, thank you! So far since posting on this forum I have gained clarification on what anegosexual is (and the correct spelling for it) and have been pointed towards various ways I can identify, I appreciate you all for your time and insight. 

 

I note that fictosexual i about fantasizes one has about fictional characters. Do fictional characters include fantasizes about celebrities? Or do they have to be entirely fictional? A lot of my fantasies are fictional but are inspired by erotic movies/porn and they will sometimes involve fantasizing about the woman in the porn and imagining being with her. What is interesting is that I can actually feel sexual attraction to the actress in the film/porn but as soon as my arousal/libido goes, I no longer feel that same attraction to her. Its like  light switch on and off.  With men, I have had passing fantasies about celebrity men, but there is a fictional character who I have fantasies about that is inspired by a real man I knew whose advances I rejected because, like now, around real people I lack a motivating desire to be intimate with anyone. I think I may have a romantic attraction to real men and maybe that is why I fantasize about that fictional man but then again there is no motivating desire I feel to be romantic with any real man. There is no longing, maybe curiosity is the best way to describe all these feelings. Maybe this will change, but at 35, I could be this way my whole life and I'd be very good. Real life relationships require time and effort, and I have never felt a physical or emotional desire for someone to warrant making that level of time and commitment for someone. 

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Nowhere Girl
4 hours ago, Moon6Shadow said:

Side note:

Anego- is commonly misspelled as Aego- because it was likely created online and most people don't know Latin and likely haven't tried to actually pronounce it or realised the pronunciation was wrong when comparing it to 'ego-' and so the misspelling persists. Basically it's difficult to pronounce 'Aego-' without the 'ae' blending into 'e' turning 'Aego-' into 'Ego-' which is the exact opposite of what 'Aego-' was created to mean. Since 'Aego-' was created to work via the 'a' meaning 'not' in Latin eg. asexual = not sexual, but because the 'ae' often blends into an 'e' when trying to pronounce 'aego-' you don't get that 'a = not' effect.

I think that people anyway pronounce it as... something like "ay-eegow". But it's not how it would have been spelled in Latin.

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Janus DarkFox

Reading it it looks like an-ego-sexual, it sounds like Sexual fantasy with ones own ego, I guess, which it seem to be for me.
 

 the misspelling starts with AEG which I’m a fan of that line of premium electronics, which Is aesthetics pleasing for me lol :)
 

Just my basic use of common English, I’m probably not so correct 😛

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