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fragglerock

Hello!

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fragglerock

Hi all!

 

Demisexual here, I hope that's alright, seems like it's alright for this forum? I feel kind of bad because it seems like an easier sexuality to live with than pure asexuality (is there a better term for that?), and even among demisexuals it seems like I drew a lucky straw since I think I can make an accurate guess on whether I'd eventually be sexually attracted to someone. Although I've only been sexually attracted to one person really, and only been in one relationship (same person) so maybe I've just been lucky, hard to say. I also feel like it would take weeks rather than years for that attraction to develop but again I can't say for sure because I knew my ex for a year before I was sexually attracted or we dated. And in that relationship my sex drive was typical and that worked for my allosexual partner. So I feel kind of guilty about how easy my sexuality seems compared to the experiences of a lot of aces I've read about.

 

That said the asexual spectrum feels far more natural to me personally. I just don't think about having sex with people and although I'm not repulsed by the idea if I like someone (as a person) there's only been one person that I had a real desire to do it with. Otherwise it just seems pointless and boring, at least from my side (I could still enjoy making someone happy). As a cismale heterosexual person I'm not hit on very much, so thankfully I don't have to deal with that as much (although realizing I'm gray-A and demisexual makes that explanation SO much easier).

 

But it's irritating how people assume I think about sex a lot, or that if I'm interested in talking to a girl that I'm also turned on, or that if I don't express sexuality as expected I must be gay. Which I wouldn't mind if I was gay because then I could own it but it's obviously irritating for people to assume you're sexual when you're not, and then it just passes the buck when you don't express interest in guys either, and it invalidates the romantic feelings I have for female people. Or worse than thinking I'm gay, people sometimes seem to assume I'm some kind of sexual deviant, because if I'm not talking about my sex interests then they must be extreme or shameful. And I don't have any more issue with other people having kinks than other people being gay or anything else, but that's not me, I've got friends who are really into kink but I'm quite vanilla. I'm not insulted they think I'm allosexual or gay or kinky: I'm insulted that they think I either don't know myself, don't like myself, or am lying to them. Self-awareness is something I put a lot of work into and pride myself on and it's insulting to be written off as repressed because I told people I don't think of any of my coworkers sexually.

 

Anywaaay. Nice to be here, seems like a really nice place, rock on fellow aces :)

 

Edited: removed typo

Edited by fragglerock
removed typo
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Internetlionboy

Heya welcome! It's a tradition to welcome new members with cake so here you go 🍰 ^^

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Solitary Lotus

All are welcome here, so don’t feel like you’re in the wrong place.
 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really empathize with you on the “not wanting to be mislabeled” thing. We live in a world where people love to stuff others into boxes in order to feel secure; often times these boxes are just based on their mislead assumptions, and frankly it can be angering when people try to decide who you are without even consulting you. I can tell you though in this community you’ll have a place to voice you grievances, annoyances, and anger; we won’t try to tell you who you are and we will always listen. 
 

Again welcome to AVEN, I’m so glad you’re here and I’m sure everyone else feels the same way!

🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Fraggle Rock" cake (all edible),

http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/96290-fraggle-rock

rgwhcne4kjv55dkszhvv.jpg

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fragglerock

Thanks for the replies everyone :) It's a nice feeling and I appreciate it :)

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MichaelTannock

You're welcome!

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Lichley

Welcome! It’s not a competition of who has it hardest, your problems are important too. Everyone is welcome here :) 

pancakecake.png

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fragglerock

Thanks @Lichley ! That cake looks amazing.

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