Genderfluid or bigender? Confused

[Imenough1221]

The last few months I’ve been really just struggling with my sexuality my gender and overall just who I am. When I was growing up I was a Tom boy I even wore boy clothes. I was really just more comfortable around boys. As I got older I never cared to much to wear super girly clothing but after moving in with my mom when I was 11-12 I felt like I had to stop wearing more boyish clothes. I felt like I couldn’t be myself anymore and I was having to be somebody I wasn’t. Even now i know something isn’t right some days I want to be feminine wear like a crop top with some cute high waisted shorts other days I want to be masculine and look like a dude. For the most part I do prefer to look like a dude it’s something that’s more comfortable for me because I’d say I’m more masculine it’s just me. I’ve explained it to my husband like I’m kinda just floating around that I don’t have a specific kind of gender it’s something that changes for me but usually I am more masculine. Basically I don’t want to just be a girl because it’s not me male draws me in more but i don’t want to transition into a male because some days I do want to look more feminine I just don’t want to have a limit when it comes to things. Some days I want to look sorta more girly other days I want to look like a guy. I don’t know it’s confusing I’m confused and I don’t really understand. Like really I’ve never really felt like a girl. I’ve always felt more like a guy that’s really my preference I guess you can say. Thing is I do go back and forth between girl and boy as far as the way I dress it can change by the day. One day I can want to dress like a guy and the other I could want to dress more like a girl and wear things to make my appearance more girly that I wouldn’t have done when I was dressing like a guy. So really I go back and forth on the gender spectrum I’d say weekly .. maybe even within days honestly. It’s like I’ll wake up and just feel like being a girl that day and other I’ll wake up wanting to be a boy. I don’t understand 

[DuranDuranfan]

I think bigender seems to fit. Although your periods of shifting between masculine and feminine are shorter than mine. I’ll go for days, maybe weeks sometimes months, and in rare cases, years between shifting. Sometimes both my masculine and feminine sides will assert simultaneously. 
 

And I totally understand how you feel about being forced to dress more feminine around your mom when your masculine side has asserted itself. I’ve been wearing men’s dress pants and shirts to church lately, and my mom is like why are wearing that? You’re a woman. *sigh* Not sure how to explain it mom. Like, is it a written rule that I have to wear a dress or skirt to church? Does God really care if I wear a dress or skirt to church? 
 

Sorry for the rant but as I said, I do understand what it’s like when one side is asserting itself and you’re feeling forced to wear or do things that are opposite to it.

[Internetlionboy]

I just want to say that you're valid and gender expression doesn't necessarily equal gender identity but they can come hand in hand together like you can still be a woman and like wearing masculine coded clothing on the days you feel masculine. I have been in the same boat as you as I also thought I was a tomboy but I didn't mind wearing dresses but there were a lot of times when I used to go to church while wearing dresses that I got really uncomfortable being recognized as a girl. The dresses didn't make me uncomfortable (in fact I love them) but I didn't like being referred as as a girl like it feels wrong but I didn't understand why back then. That was a sign that I definitely wasn't cis at least since I don't think a lot of cis people get uncomfortable being referred or recognized as the gender they identify as. 

 

After looking around on the internet, I found out about transgender and I thought oh? maybe I'm a trans guy! that's why I was weirded out in church back then and I used that label. While that didn't necessarily felt wrong, I felt something was missing. So I did some more diggiing around and I found out about nonbinary labels and I think?? that was definitely the right label for myself. I'm genderfluid since I do feel like a boy, girl, and neither of those on certain days but I prefer just saying I'm nonbinary since I'm more comfortable with broad labels

 

Anyways, I can't tell you what gender you are but you can totally try out bigender and genderfluid since those two labels can go hand and hand just to see how they feel for you, use either one, or just not use labels! However you identify is ok ovob

[rotth]

First and foremost -- feelings before labels! It's tempting to pin a label on our feelings but it all gets complicated if we try to rush. Sorting out your feelings is the first step.

I think we need to establish what the difference is between gender and gender expression. Gender is a lived identity and gender expression is how you communicate aspects of your gender.

You say sometimes you want to appear x way and other times you want to appear y way... could that be based on mood? Or is it your way of communicating a fluctuating gender? 

Nobody can tell you what gender you are (as internetlionboy says) you just gotta try it out