Does this sound asexual?

[cokezero]

hi! i am so glad i found this site. i am confused about whether i am asexual or not

 

reasons why i began to question my a/sexuality in the first place:

- am not inclined to have sex with my long term boyfriend 

- reject his sexual advances, including making out (normal kisses are totally fine)

- feel completely fine and content with never having sex with him again  

- my fantasy scenarios give me a lot more pleasure than my experiences with "actual" sex 

- sex feels weird, awkward and uncomfortable (maybe i just need to get more comfortable with it and do it more??) 

- have tried masturbation but do not like it (but at the time i just assumed i was doing it wrong & that having another person do stuff would be more fun)

 

some reasons why i feel like i may not be asexual:

- enjoy & get aroused by reading explicit sexual content involving fictional characters

- enjoy & get aroused by watching fictional characters in sexual situation 

- fantasise & get aroused about sexual situations, usually involving me + a fictional character, rarely real people 

- i do watch porn sometimes but get bored of it very quick 

- i dont WANT to be asexual?? (not that its a bad thing at all) i want to be able to want sex & enjoy it

- very much enjoy the idea of sex, like i really really do & i wish this paralleled to real life 

 

 

do you think i just need to broaden my horizons and just dive in and try to get more comfortable with my body, and have more sex in order to start wanting it and enjoying it?

or do you think i might be asexual?  

 

 

 

[RavenQueen]

12 minutes ago, cokezero said:

 

some reasons why i feel like i may not be asexual:

- enjoy & get aroused by reading explicit sexual content involving fictional characters

- enjoy & get aroused by watching fictional characters in sexual situation 

- fantasise & get aroused about sexual situations, usually involving me + a fictional character, rarely real people 

Mostly, I think you belong to the Asexuality subcategory Autochorissexua, which is only enjoying fictional sexual attraction.

So you want sex and wish to enjoy it? does it involve a relationship and attachment? Cause if so, then you might belong to Demi-Sexual area.

[SithLord]

The only one that can tell you if you're ace or not is yourself. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction or desire to engage in partnered sexual activity. The question is if you want sex whether or not that's with your boyfriend. Maybe it's with fictional characters, but the thing is if you intrinsically desire to engage in sex with them. Not just get aroused by it, but desire to engage in the act. Fantasizing about sex with them is one clue you might be sexual, though grey-sexual where your sexual attraction would fall into the ficto-sexual or autochris-sexual categories. Those are small labels, though and no one would hold you to them. 

 

I'm going to make a point here though. While these terms fall under the "asexuality spectrum/umbrella", they're still sexual labels, not asexual labels.

[Mysterywriter221]

No one but you can decide if you are or are not asexual. 

 

Fantasizing about sex doesn't mean you are or are not asexual. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. If a person hasn't experienced sexual attraction towards another human being I'd consider that person asexual. Being aroused by sexual stimuli, including fantasies, doesn't rule you out. Fictional characters are a nice release valve for libido not directed at any real people. 

 

As for not wanting to be asexual, I get it. A lot of the time, especially when I first started to identify as asexual, I would have changed myself if I safely could. It's a long journey to self-acceptance but you've got all of AVEN here to support you.