Questioning my romantic orientation

[DepressedOatmeal]

A TW for su*cide, incase anyone needs that ❤️

 

I'm really struggling with this. I'm in a relationship, and I feel selfish because it just doesn't feel right. I like romance, I like to do romantic things. 

But I feel like actually being in relationships is detrimental and doesn't feel right. It's almost as if the label of partner ruins the feeling.
I find a lot of problems with being in a relationship

• The expectation for it to be long term puts pressure on me
• I have gone in and out of being depressed since I was ~8, and this puts pressure on the other person
• When in a relationship, I feel the need to mask more than usual (I'm Autistic)
• I've attempted suicide three times, and when depressed I think about doing it again. I don't want to put someone I care about through that
• When depressed I tend to feel completely void of all emotion. I then feel bad when saying "I love you too" to someone, when I don't really mean it in that moment

I don't think I'm lithoromantic, because it doesn't fade when reciprocated. I'm fairly sure I might be greyromantic. I'd like to be in more open style relationships, where I can be romantic with someone, have it reciprocated, but remain friends. I don't know how to explain this to my current partner without hurting their feelings, and I feel bad about putting off telling them about this for so long. Can anybody help me with how to tell him I want to be friends with him, still be romantic with him, but not partners?

[Mysterywriter221]

First off, next time you feel suicidal please contact the Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ They have training for helping aces now. 

You can also reach out to your local suicide hotline. What country are you in? I can get you their number.

 

I think your best bet is to sit your partner down and explain everything to them exactly as you have here. It might even help to have them read this post. When it comes to situations like this there's no real way to avoid hurt feelings. The kindest thing you can do is be open and honest with him. He may have thoughts of his own on how your relationship can change to be a better fit for both of you. 

 

 

[maybeimamazed]

It seems to me like the confusion might just be a result of your depression, nothing to do with your romantic orientation. I hope you find the help you need. We're here for you. I wish you all the best.

[DepressedOatmeal]

13 hours ago, Mysterywriter221 said:

First off, next time you feel suicidal please contact the Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ They have training for helping aces now. 

You can also reach out to your local suicide hotline. What country are you in? I can get you their number.

I take myself to the hospital every time I can feel myself slipping that far, and have also called an ambulance for myself once. Also, thank you for telling me about the Trevor Project 🙂

 

14 hours ago, Mysterywriter221 said:

I think your best bet is to sit your partner down and explain everything to them exactly as you have here. It might even help to have them read this post. When it comes to situations like this there's no real way to avoid hurt feelings. The kindest thing you can do is be open and honest with him. He may have thoughts of his own on how your relationship can change to be a better fit for both of you. 

I had a talk with him, and he agreed to be in a "friends with benefits" style relationship

13 hours ago, maybeimamazed said:

It seems to me like the confusion might just be a result of your depression, nothing to do with your romantic orientation. I hope you find the help you need. We're here for you. I wish you all the best.

I think it might be a mix. All of the relationships I've been in I only entered into because I felt things would get weird if I said no 😕

 

Thank you both for your help 😄

[Celyn: The Lutening]

11 hours ago, DepressedOatmeal said:

. All of the relationships I've been in I only entered into because I felt things would get weird if I said no

Well that's getting off to a bad start. Let it be weird. Scare them off, who cares what they think, it's your mental health, happiness and safety that comes first.

 

It does sound like you're making progress in transforming your relationship to be less stifling and less "commitment" which would be healthier for you. I can sympathise with that need. And with the depression. 

 

Here to talk more if you want/need it. 💚