MxRobot Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I'm not sure if sex is better in my own fantasies than it actually is, or what. But I remember several different conversations about sex that I have with friends of mine. What they like, what they dislike, how they like it done, how they like to do it. And the only thing that I can keep thinking of whenever we have talks about sex is that, I don't really feel any of this. Its like, I want sex but the thought of doing it with someone else always throws me off. The second another body gets involved its like my brain shuts off. I can't tell if this is sexual anxiety or if I'm actually asexual. Or some form of gray ace. Again, this is weird to me because when it comes to taking care of myself I have no problem. But doing things with another person, there seems to have some sort of distance that's been created in my mind. I am nonbinary, pretransition. And I am a fearful avoidant as well. I don't know if either of these things have to do with it. But I'm curious to know what other people's thoughts are on this. I can't tell if its some form of sex anxiety or asexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I'm asexual (not grey) and I have a libido. I can satisfy it on my own, and the times I've tried to get in the mood with a partner have all been disappointing, because I'm just not into sex with other people. It's totally valid for you to feel that way. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I find most asexuals tend to dislike the partnered aspect of sex. Many can masturbate just fine, but as soon as a partner gets involved it becomes something else (loss of arousal for me, some become anxious, others grossed out, others just would rather not, and some are neutral on the idea). But saying "I want sex" is not very asexual. If it's only referring to arousal or desiring stimulation, then that's all well and good as it's simply libido, but wanting sex is part of the confusion of sexual attraction. Asexuals can masturbate and be aroused, most of us have libidos even if they're small, but "sex" is something most of us define as the partnered activity involving genitalia and intimate touching. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WilliamJJackson Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 For me, I never envisioned or desired intercourse. I never had a problem appreciating the look or feel of the female form, but only ever wanted one woman, one permanent relationship. Physical attraction? Fine. Sexual desire? No. As a kid, my mother's obsession with showing us drawings of genitalia were fine. But those cutaway views of the internals? Nope. Passed out. Vomit. Strangely I could look at the rest of the body and internal anatomy. When I was married, I had sex hundreds of times by demand from the toxic spouse, did it, then thought of something else after. I mean, the release was great. Foreplay is amazing. But the insertion never comes to my mind, no urge. And after, I have to clean off the...results. I'm submissive to the woman I'm with, so if she wants sex, that's fine. I want her happy. But getting the understanding back is not easy. So, yes, fantasy sex will beat real sex hands own, because most people will never behave the way they do in a dream. Finding someone to want to be with far exceeds the sex, for me. Hopefully we all find what we need. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I'm ace and I have a libido as well. I'm fine with masturbating or having sex with another person since I'm not averse or grossed out at the thought of doing it with another person 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I'm another ace with a libido which confused me at first. I thought I was supposed to lack sexual desire but from what I have read thus far, one can be ace as long as that desire does not extend beyond themselves. I've never had sex with anyone except myself because I never wanted to. I simply don't think I see other people as sexual objects. Of course I know if this were one's only view of people it would be wrong, but none the less there still needs to be at least some of this to desire sex with others. If I ever did had sex I get the distinct impression the fact I was pleasing someone would never register with me. OK. They had an orgasm. I really doubt I caused it. I don't know if the term "sexually autistic" is appropriate but I'm so focused on my own sexuality, the external world of sex simply doesn't exist for me. This has never been a problem though. I've been mostly alone all my life and the loneliness I think I feel may actually be nothing more than boredom. So I make it a point to go out and do things and meet people. I've met lots of people. I suppose I get bored easily. However if somebody tries to force me to do something I don't want to, I get offended and simply walk away. Forever. What might have been splendid friendships ended within the space of 30 seconds when sex suddenly became an issue. That's just the way I am - and it's fine with me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Fantasy is still preferred compared to sex for me, often though these fantasies has to be forced actively and contain fetish content not realistic to actual sex. The libido can be enjoyed or ignored as it’s also low and can be a number of weeks without an active libido so I’d enjoy it when I could. I have a masculine libido that’s rarer than my feminine one. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RavenQueen Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 23 hours ago, MxRobot said: I'm not sure if sex is better in my own fantasies than it actually is, or what. But I remember several different conversations about sex that I have with friends of mine. What they like, what they dislike, how they like it done, how they like to do it. And the only thing that I can keep thinking of whenever we have talks about sex is that, I don't really feel any of this. Its like, I want sex but the thought of doing it with someone else always throws me off. The second another body gets involved its like my brain shuts off. I can't tell if this is sexual anxiety or if I'm actually asexual. Or some form of gray ace. I agree with you, It is better in our fantasies! Sometimes I say that I wish for a partner, then I remember that, I already had someone, but was not even close to feel a thing. I relate to talking about sex as a topic with my friends, I have always felt objective and practical -liking talking about science-, but never felt drawn to it. Quote Again, this is weird to me because when it comes to taking care of myself I have no problem. But doing things with another person, there seems to have some sort of distance that's been created in my mind. You feel like a third person, or something is not well; it is normal to feel so. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.