PoppityPop Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Hi! I came out officially to my best friends today, but all of them are in the lgbtq+ community (tho none of them are ace), so they get it with the coming out thing at least. It felt great! I've been thinking about it and knowing for quite a while now, but it felt good saying it out loud. It feels great embracing it and publicly becoming a part of this community, but I'm also a bit scared. i'm a bit scared about future realtionships, if it will be harder for me to get a boyfriend bc they can't get sex from me. But if sex is the only think they want from me they're not worth my time anyway... I'm scared of the endless explaining and misunderstanding from other people. I'm not sure if I want to come out to my parents and sister, bc reasons. 1) They wouldn't get it, espacially my parents, 2) I'm not comfortable sharing my thoughts on sex and sexual attraction with them. I kinda feel like it's none of their business. 3) They wouldn't take me seriously. They'd pull the "just a phase" card, and that would just lead to my humiliation. Especially since they know that I've already had a boyfriend, but they don't know how I truly felt. I experimented with him (not sleeping with him obvi, but other things) and that actually helped me even more to realise my asexuality, since I didn't enjoy it at all, and it disgusts me to think about it now. I am new to this website and I really hope I can find some new friends here, y'all seem like a lovely cake and dragon obsessed bunch ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Back to Avalon Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Congratulations! As you probably know, it's a tradition here to welcome and congratulate members with virtual cakes, so here are some Halloween cake pops! Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 15 minutes ago, Back to Avalon said: Congratulations! As you probably know, it's a tradition here to welcome and congratulate members with virtual cakes, so here are some Halloween cake pops! Actually, I did not know, but now I'm pleasantly surprised, thank you! ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Heya congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Welcome! Congrats on coming out, and remember, there’s no pressure to come out to your family if you don’t feel comfortable doing so Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 Wow I'm really happy now thanks guys! ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! Congratulations on coming out to your friends! You don't have to come out to your family, but when I came out as Asexual to my Dad, I did so by writing everything I needed to say in a note and handing it to him. Maybe you can do the same? Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "traveling suitcase" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/94271-traveling-suitcase-cake Link to post Share on other sites
Sammy :) Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Congratulations on coming out to your best friend, thats a big step! I completely understand your feelings about telling your parents. I tried to tell my mom today and she all but dismissed me. I'm also incredibly scared I won't find anyone to be with, so I understand you on that front too. So at least we're not alone in this! It's really nice to see someone with the same worries as me. Feel free to message me if you want to talk! Oh and here is some cake: Link to post Share on other sites
Hunji Qi Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Congratulation on coming out to your friend, it is a huge step to take. Also, it must be great that they understand and support you. I relate to your anxiety and uncertainty to coming out to your family, and it is truly a decision that shall be taken with caution. My friends and professors are very supportive to my coming out. They even encouraged me to make a conference poster regarding asexuality so that more people can understand. However, my coming out to my family was a disaster. There is a section in AVEN about coming out to family and I should have check it out before taking any further action. My family believes that anything to do with LGBTQIA+ is equivalent to mental illness that need to be treated. My mom thought that I was only being pessimistic since I have childhood trauma that causes disbelief in relationship and marriage. My dad dismissed me, and one of my aunt just cannot comprehend the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction and tried to comfort me by saying that it is "just a phrase." I also hear your fear of endless explaining and people's misunderstanding. You are not alone in that, we are still the ones with an "invisible" orientation," if you experience daily fatigue from that, we can chat. To welcome a new member, here is your piece of cake 🍰 Enjoy it and I hope that you enjoy it here too. Link to post Share on other sites
lonewolf Nomad Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Hello Poppity and congrats on coming out to your friends, I have sort of come out to a select few of mine , the results were not that pleasant for the most part. Thinking of actually gathering the rest of my social circle together this week and finally letting them all know that I am both Asexual and either aromantic or semi-romantic. I am honestly still rather confused on that part. Eitherway welcome and Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Thank you all for your lovely tips and responces, really, it really means a lot to me <3. This website has really done it's job by making me feel welcomed and all warm and fuzzy inside hihi. I'm gonna drown in cakes now XD Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 20 hours ago, MichaelTannock said: Welcome to AVEN! Congratulations on coming out to your friends! You don't have to come out to your family, but when I came out as Asexual to my Dad, I did so by writing everything I needed to say in a note and handing it to him. Maybe you can do the same? Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "traveling suitcase" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/94271-traveling-suitcase-cake That's a great idea! That'll prevent stumbling on words and stuttering and stuff, thanks for the tip! And that cake is adorable oml Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 8 hours ago, Sammy said: Congratulations on coming out to your best friend, thats a big step! I completely understand your feelings about telling your parents. I tried to tell my mom today and she all but dismissed me. I'm also incredibly scared I won't find anyone to be with, so I understand you on that front too. So at least we're not alone in this! It's really nice to see someone with the same worries as me. Feel free to message me if you want to talk! Oh and here is some cake: Thank you! I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Like you wrote, it really means a lot to see someone share worries, and offering to talk, thank you <3. You seem like a nice person so I might message you anyway XD ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 3 minutes ago, PoppityPop said: That's a great idea! That'll prevent stumbling on words and stuttering and stuff, thanks for the tip! And that cake is adorable oml You're welcome! And good luck on coming out! Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 1 hour ago, Hunji Qi said: Congratulation on coming out to your friend, it is a huge step to take. Also, it must be great that they understand and support you. I relate to your anxiety and uncertainty to coming out to your family, and it is truly a decision that shall be taken with caution. My friends and professors are very supportive to my coming out. They even encouraged me to make a conference poster regarding asexuality so that more people can understand. However, my coming out to my family was a disaster. There is a section in AVEN about coming out to family and I should have check it out before taking any further action. My family believes that anything to do with LGBTQIA+ is equivalent to mental illness that need to be treated. My mom thought that I was only being pessimistic since I have childhood trauma that causes disbelief in relationship and marriage. My dad dismissed me, and one of my aunt just cannot comprehend the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction and tried to comfort me by saying that it is "just a phrase." I also hear your fear of endless explaining and people's misunderstanding. You are not alone in that, we are still the ones with an "invisible" orientation," if you experience daily fatigue from that, we can chat. To welcome a new member, here is your piece of cake 🍰 Enjoy it and I hope that you enjoy it here too. Thank you<3 . Yeah, it is great, I guess I'm lucky. That's great to hear about your friends and professors! But I'm sorry about your family, that sucks. My grandfather was the same. The worst part is the helplessness, it feels like it doesn't matter how much you explain, they still won't understand or accept it the way you want them to. Thank you for the support and know that I'll support you right back <3. Link to post Share on other sites
PoppityPop Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 @lonewolf Nomad That's really brave of you, best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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