AM42 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Hi,  Been aware of the site for some time but just made an account, better late than never I guessđ  I'm 28 and it's been nearly two years since I became aware of the definition asexual and when I started reading, I just wanted to start crying (which I think I actually did); it felt so tremendously wonderful to know that I wasn't weird and wasn't alone.  I've never been interested in sex of any kind, even touching (in a non sexual way) has been troubling and a hindrance to overcome (not due to abuse of any kind), and I've always felt abnormal about it. When friends' been talking about it (even if just in general terms), I've always felt so uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable even, that I almost had to leave the room. Because of this I've never had sex, I don't want to have sex, and being asexual has never really been an issue for me, apart from wanting to leave conversations and being extremely embarassed when watching movies.  I have, however, been wondering why I am 'this way' and why my friends aren't. I've never thought there was something 'wrong' with me and I've always been slightly different than my friends, but sometimes the feeling of loneliness, and being misunderstood, has been overwhelming because everywhere I looked, sex was the motivation and where does that leave me? (Not to mention me being a biology-teacher and the slight disrepancy between me and the theory of the urge to procreate and make sure the genes survive) Where is my place in all this? I don't think I've found an answer to this, or even the beginning of an answer, but to know I'm not alone helped a lot and made me feel more comfortable with myself.  I've only told my brother about being asexual (and that was 3 weeks ago, because he more or less asked), and I'm not sure of how I will approach it with friends and family (perhaps the next time they joke about my reaction while watching TV đ) but I'm not sure I feel the need for it; I am who I am and don't have to explain myself. But then again, I want to feel understood and not like I'm keeping something from them. Add a recent discovery of being agender to the mix and I'm really flustered and adrift. (Ideas?)     Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! đ°  Iâm out to those closest to me, but not to my parents or siblings. I probably will tell them at some point. Maybe đ  I know what you mean about feeling like youâre keeping stuff from them. I guess in my case, on balance, I donât care. If I ever need to tell them for some reason, I will. Otherwise letâs see what life brings đ  Congrats on working your gender out too! Maybe check out the Gender forum here:  https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/57-gender-discussion/ Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 Thank you! Â I'm working my way through the gender forum right now. Â Â Link to post Share on other sites
Rosendust Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Welcome! Hope you enjoy your time here and find insights!đ Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 Thank you Rosendust! Link to post Share on other sites
Sinking_In Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 2 hours ago, AM42 said: I'm not sure of how I will approach it with friends and family You should simply direct them to this site  It's helpful to everyone. As for biology, stick around and maybe find an ACE SO to share everything else with. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Welcome! Ooh have I got some recommendations for you  http://www.asexualityarchive.com/a-parents-guide-to-asexuality/ https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/3/26/16291562/asexuality-tv-history-bojack-shadowhunters-game-of-thrones http://www.asexualityarchive.com/asexuals-on-coming-out-experience/ https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/women/im-asexual-and-this-is-how-i-show-love-to-my-partner-511366 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! Â I also felt that loneliness, it's why I joined the community, and I recently discovered I'm Agender as well. Â One possible explanation I've read is that the genes for minority orientations are passed on through relatives, and they persist because such individuals add stability to the population. Â Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Biology Cell" cake (all edible), https://www.cakecentral.com/gallery/i/3344054/biology-cell-cake Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 Thank you so much for the tips and reading suggestions. And for the cake as well, it makes a teacher's heart happy. Â I'm more concerned about bringing it up than the actual explaining if I choose to tell anyone. I just can't imagine a 'natural' situation when it would feel approriate... I'll have to read some of the coming out stories linked above and see if I find any suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 You're welcome!  As for coming out ideas, when I came out as Asexual to my Dad, I did so by writing everything I wanted to say in a note and handing it to them. My coming out story can be found here: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/181766-i-came-out-today/ Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 2 hours ago, AM42 said: Thank you so much for the tips and reading suggestions. And for the cake as well, it makes a teacher's heart happy.  I'm more concerned about bringing it up than the actual explaining if I choose to tell anyone. I just can't imagine a 'natural' situation when it would feel approriate... I'll have to read some of the coming out stories linked above and see if I find any suggestions. If it helps, I have found saying âIâm asexualâ awkward as anything, but as soon as those words are out and I get to start explaining them Iâm fine đ Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Welcome, , and best wishes with coming out to people close to you! Â Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 4 hours ago, AM42 said: Thank you so much for the tips and reading suggestions. And for the cake as well, it makes a teacher's heart happy.  I'm more concerned about bringing it up than the actual explaining if I choose to tell anyone. I just can't imagine a 'natural' situation when it would feel approriate... I'll have to read some of the coming out stories linked above and see if I find any suggestions. I tend to find that starting up a discussion about similar topics (e.g. LGBT+) can let you scout their opinions on similar topics, whilst also giving you the opportunity to bring it up in conversation should you decide to do so  Link to post Share on other sites
AM42 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 @daveb Thank you. @Lichley I brought up asexuality in such a discussion just after I'd discovered I'm ace, but didn't have the courage to come out then. I'll have to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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