Sapiosexuality question

[Pheedre]

Hey guys, not sure if this is the forum to ask this question in so feel free to move it to wherever necessary. I posted what I thought was a funny Sherlock sapiosexuality meme in an asexuality group on FB and got my head ripped off by people who didn't like the term and said it wasn't an orientation. I was labelled an ableist and classist 🤦‍♀️ my response was 1. That it was meant to be funny and 2. That I didn't think that sapiosexuality discriminated against anyone of "lower intelligence" as everyone sees intelligence differently right? What one person thinks is "smart" isn't necessarily what another person would, and everyone has something to offer in this department in my opinion...also, that would be like saying that allosexuals are required to find everyone equally sexually attractive or they're discriminating...thoughts?

[maybeimamazed]

There is no such thing as 'sapiosexuality', sorry.

 

Liking smart people is a preference. Same as liking blonde people or tall people.

[Pheedre]

Just now, maybeimamazed said:

There is no such thing as 'sapiosexuality', sorry.

 

Liking smart people is a preference. Same as liking blonde people or tall people.

Oh ok, I wasn't sure, it just said it in the meme so I googled it. And I didn't even really care if it was an orientation, just thought it was crazy they were all reacting to it in such a negative way, and claiming I was something I'm not, or that I posted maliciously...idk people are so easily offended.

[Pheedre]

10 minutes ago, CBC said:

You beat me to it.

 

Sapiosexuality is pretentious rubbish. Being attracted to intelligence? Totally a thing -- and a very common one, at that. Just not an orientation. Orientation is who you're attracted to gender-wise.

Yes, that makes sense. I guess my question was moreso, why do people get so easily butt hurt? It was supposed to be funny, and yes, it is a preference amd like I said, everyone views intelligence differently, I wasn't trying to be pretentious or an ableist 🙄  it was a meme...

[Pheedre]

5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Well some people take it super seriously and will argue to the death that it's A Thing™, which gets frustrating for those of us who understand what orientation actually is.

I understand. I in no way argued that. They said it wasn't an orientation (others argued it was) and I told them I was new to all of this and it literally was just a meme. I dont know, makes you feel like you can't say anything now a days. In fact, the meme said nothing about it BEING an orientation, people just jumped on it. Anyways, I'm over it, just thought I'd ask you guys what you thought about the backlash.

[ben8884]

I am asking everyone to PLEASE be respectful of other orientations whether you believe they are legitimate or not. We don't want any invalidation

[Pheedre]

1 minute ago, ben8884 said:

I am asking everyone to PLEASE be respectful of other orientations whether you believe they are legitimate or not. We don't want any invalidation

Agreed, but boy did these people on my Facebook invalidate....I had NO idea if it was an orientation or not, it was a MEME! Lol

[Guest]

2 hours ago, maybeimamazed said:

There is no such thing as 'sapiosexuality', sorry.

 

Liking smart people is a preference. Same as liking blonde people or tall people.

I wouldn't say there isn't such thing as sapiosexuality. Whether it's an orientation or not depends on how rigidly you want to define what orientation refers to. Regardless, it can still be apart of someone's sexual identity, if they want it to be. Likewise, if someone felt strongly enough, they could label themselves as a 'tallsexual'  or something along those lines.

[Philip027]

People being attracted to intelligence (or whatever you want to call "sapiosexuality") is a thing, surely... but it isn't an orientation.  This is more like a preference.  Orientations define which sexes/genders you are attracted to, bottom line... which this doesn't.

 

That being said, it doesn't seem like you ever claimed that it was an orientation, so just going to chalk this up to social media dweebs being social media dweebs jumping down your throat for things you never actually said, which sure happens to me a lot so I know exactly how that feels.

[Pheedre]

1 minute ago, Philip027 said:

People being attracted to intelligence (or whatever you want to call "sapiosexuality") is a thing, surely... but it isn't an orientation.  This is more like a preference.  Orientations define which sexes/genders you are attracted to, bottom line... which this doesn't.

 

That being said, it doesn't seem like you ever claimed that it was an orientation, so just going to chalk this up to social media dweebs being social media dweebs jumping down your throat for things you never actually said, which sure happens to me a lot so I know exactly how that feels.

Ugh right? I was like, I'm sorry I'm a what?? Lol, never been called an ableist or classist before but I guess if that's what they want to assume about a person they don't even know all over a meme, more power to them 🤷‍♀️

[Missing]

18 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

People being attracted to intelligence (or whatever you want to call "sapiosexuality") is a thing, surely... but it isn't an orientation.  This is more like a preference.  Orientations define which sexes/genders you are attracted to, bottom line... which this doesn't.

Why should gender preference be more significant than any other sexual preference? The kinds of people someone is attracted to is never based on their sex/gender alone. There are a lot of things that matter to people when they find someone attractive, and regardless of whether or not the word sexual orientation is limited to gender preferences doesn't mean that that's what's most important to someone when they're looking for a partner. If someone's preferences have more to do with a person's mind than their gender then it would be incredibly useful to identify as a sapiosexual instead of choosing a sexual identity based on something that doesn't necessarily matter to them.

[Philip027]

Quote

Why should gender preference be more significant than any other sexual preference? The kinds of people someone is attracted to is never based on their sex/gender alone.

It isn't a matter of being more or less "significant", it's a matter of being defined correctly.  Orientation has always been defined by sex/gender preference.  That's just the way it is.
 

sexual orientation

noun

A person's sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are attracted; the fact of being heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

 

 

You can use whatever other terms you deem fit to describe your sexual preferences; that still doesn't make them all orientations.

[Pheedre]

5 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

Why should gender preference be more significant than any other sexual preference? The kinds of people someone is attracted to is never based on their sex/gender alone. There are a lot of things that matter to people when they find someone attractive, and regardless of whether or not the word sexual orientation is limited to gender preferences doesn't mean that that's what's most important to someone when they're looking for a partner. If someone's preferences have more to do with a person's mind than their gender then it would be incredibly useful to identify as a sapiosexual instead of choosing a sexual identity based on something that doesn't necessarily matter to them.

Yes, that's true too, I enjoyed this response

[Pheedre]

3 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

It isn't a matter of being "more significant", it's a matter of being defined correctly.  Orientation has always been defined by sex/gender preference.  That's just the way it is.

sexual orientation

noun

• A person's sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are attracted; the fact of being heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

Well if I learned anything from my little facebook mishap it was that people are VERY much insistent on correct terms etc so, I guess by definition ok

[maybeimamazed]

If "intelligence" is the most important thing you look for (or the only important thing) then you're pansexual/panromantic, which means you're attracted to people regardless of gender.

 

If you can't see yourself dating the opposite gender or the same gender as yours regardless of how intelligent they are, then you're homo/heterosexual and intelligence is a preference within those parameters, as we've been saying.

[Pheedre]

2 minutes ago, maybeimamazed said:

If "intelligence" is the most important thing you look for (or the only important thing) then you're pansexual/panromantic, which means you're attracted to people regardless of gender,

Hmm, yes interesting. I'm finding all comments useful in their own ways.

[GlamRocker]

@Pheedre I'm sure you meant no harm. Sapiosexuality offends a lot of people for a lot of reasons. I agree it isn't an orientation and personally can't stand it! Because I have a pathological hatred of anything that even smells elitist. Though, when someone I know in real life told me they were a sapiosexual, despite my utter hatred of it, I knew all he meant was that he feels alienated in the hook-up party culture of the restaurant we worked in together and that he wanted to find someone that was more introspective, like himself... and this was a way of expressing those values in a serious way, also without having to go into detail and "explain himself."

 

I DID feel he was expressing negative judgement on our co-workers by saying this, because he obviously thought they were all bunch of buffoons. But I didn't really fault him for this, in many ways my co-workers deserved it because one of the reasons he felt so alienated was because my co-workers had judged HIM first and decided that he was an awkward weirdo. Mostly because, YES, he could fucking READ lol

[Pheedre]

@GlamRockerHaha oh I TOTALLY get what it implies. Just like I said, I feel like what one person considers intelligent from what another person does is a matter of opinion. I in no way think I'm better than anyone else, and I don't think your friend did either, I think he just wanted to find somone he clicked with intellectually and I dont see anything wrong with that. The meme was of the BBC Sherlock character with the quote "I'm not asexual, I'm sapiosexual, and everyone is an idiot", so ok, I get it, could be offensive and perhaps I should have left it on my regular facebook timeline lol. But, it was supposed to he funny, because Sherlock Holmes has often been thought of as asexual, but  in the meme he's saying no....its this. If anyone has seen the BBC Sherlock, they know he's a huge ass lol and that this is something he'd say, I'm a fan so I got a kick out of it, so no, I didn't post it maliciously at all. And to whether it is an orientation who am I to say, I guess by definition, maybe not. Ty for your reply!