screamingsauce Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Hi! I've been musing the forums for a while, and I had a few burning questions I wanted to throw out here to see if anyone would answer my call. So, I identify (to myself, my girlfriend, and like 2 close friends) as asexual as of about a year ago. My whole life I never really considered anyone "hot" or sexually attractive, but in middle school (and with my current girlfriend) I got intense romantic crushes on certain individuals. I guess I've always considered myself too young to be sexually in to people, and I've never really understood what that would entail; I just know that I don't feel any sexual desires towards people or desires towards sex or masturbation. I don't feel like I have any libido; is that unusual? I know some people on here have said they developed it later in life, but in general people tend to feel libido by know right? (I'm 17) I'm also really worried about coming out to everyone. My girlfriend is awesome and very understanding, and I've told a few of my queer friends, but I know that some of my other friends don't really know what asexuality is, or they assume it's part of being aromantic (which I personally am not). Does anyone have a suggestion for how to educate people? Do I have a real responsibility to do so? Did anyone else fear being seen as broken before they came out to the masses? I don't know if I have the strength to endure too many blunt questions or statements on the topic when it's still a sensitive topic for me, and while I want to be honest with my friends and family I'm not really sure what to do. Anyways, I'd really appreciate anything to make me feel less alone! Thanks! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
screamingsauce Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 oops I pressed enter before I finished the title... just ignore the it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
asingularbraincell Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Hey friend! Welcome, I'd like to offer you this ice cream cake, as celebration of you joining (I hope you aren't allergic)! It's apparently a tradition to give new members cake (I just joined a few days ago and am trying to get the hang of things). I totally relate to not feeling sexual desire, I'm 18, and I think it's just sort of a personal thing. What I've figured is that we'll either develop it or we won't; either way, it's totally valid and normal. When it comes to educating and telling people about asexuality, I fear I wont be much use to you. I'm still struggling with what I identify as, and I only have one friend who knows, along with my brother. You don't have to tell anybody or explain yourself if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable doing so. You could wait until they asked, bring them all together and say it all in one go, never tell them - it all depends on what your comfortable with! And I totally relate with fear of telling people. I haven't told any other family, and I keep telling myself it's because I'm waiting until I finally figure out what I identify as, but I know that a large part of it is because they'll probably just dismiss it as "not meeting the right person" or "you're just waiting for your spouse," which would end up hurting and confusing me so much more. I have another friend I want to tell very badly, and I've been slowly but surely slipping in clues. I haven't told her yet because I discovered that I related to asexuality while I was trying to develop a character who I saw as ace, and I was updating her on it, so I'm afraid if I tell her, then she might think that it's just me projecting the character onto myself (idk if that makes sense at all), even though she and I are very close friends. This was meant to relate to you and I can't help but feel I turned it into a mini therapy session, so I apologize for that! The point I was trying to make is you don't have to feel weird about not experiencing libido, or at the very least, you aren't alone! And I wouldn't put too much pressure on coming out, you can take your time, like coal turning into a diamond! I do hope you feel less alone now, gal, and I wanted to welcome you once more! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
screamingsauce Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 @asingularbraincell Thanks so much! I think this is just what I needed; someone to relate to with a little bit of advice. Also I have a killer sweet tooth and that is a beautiful slice of cake 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drunk&Confused Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I feel ya, I am in my 20s now and have never told anyone anything about it. If someones asks why I aint got a bae I usually just tell em Im enjoying the single life or something and let em draw their own conclusions. I think my friend/fam would have one of two conclusions (also from Texas, we aint got the best sex health/awareness class here, but the food is great) 1. I just hadnt meet the right person and was confused 2. I was doing it to seem special and for attention. Good luck! And we all out on this site together at least lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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