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Coming out/ I know this have been asked before and discussed, but just feel like the posts could use more of that


Yuliyasa

Coming out as an asexual  

30 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you like telling as many people as possible that you are an asexual?

    • No
      3
    • Yes
      3
    • Sometimes
      4
    • Only to those people in my life whom I feel would not judge me
      9
    • Only to the person whom I think is considering a romatic relationship with me
      1
    • I am such a private person that I don't even want people knowing such simple things as what my real hair color is, no way!
      1
    • I want to, but I always feel scared to be that open
      5
    • I think I would only come out to some people if I first felt like I could carefully test the waters by bringing the topic of asexuality up in a conversation to see how they feel about it first
      4


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Mostly I feel like whichever sexual orientation you are its something private to you and you are not obliged to come out to anyone; however, I guess I created this poll to see how everyone else feels about that. My personal opinion is unless you know somebody for a long, long time and consider them one of your best buddies like what's the point you know?

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lilyofthevalley

Whilst I don’t run round with a massive sign declaring my sexuality to the world, I don’t have a problem with telling just about anyone if it comes up in conversation. I’m lucky in that (since I have a close relationship with my friends and family) I don’t really care what people think of me. Imo, if people dislike me based on an orientation that’s their problem, and I don’t really want to know them anyway.

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I have come out to a few people and would like to come out to more but honestly I dislike the conversation where I have to explain what asexuality is and such. 

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I have told close friends. And even though I wear an asexual ring and have asexual flag on my car. No ask's about it at work or college. I have thought about putting an asexual flag sticker on my computer.

 

Believe it is a personal choice. I do not broadcast it but do not hide it to people who know me closely. And have march in pride parades

 

For think people do understand or can not wrap their head around about people who are not attracted to other people or have sexual desires. Especially being a male

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everywhere and nowhere

I am open about being effectively asexual. I'm very sex-averse and I would be very uncomfortable with people assuming that I could be sexually active.

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I want to tell the whole world, because it's TRUE and then I could stop having to play along! But, on the other hand, I WANT to keep playing along because I don't want the ease of the relationships I have with the sexual people around me to change! I don't want to deal with them thinking of me differently, or making them feel like I'm judging them for being sexual or thinking I can't connect with them properly. I also don't want to explain it all to everyone, I'm SURE they won't understand ONE SINGLE BIT OF IT. It'll be like beating my head against a brick wall, with a dash of "fuck you, snowflake," on top.

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I think the phrasing of the question is weird.  I don't go around telling as many people as possible anything about me.  I like Marvel movies.  I'm not ashamed of that, but I don't go around telling everyone I like Marvel movies.  If it comes up, I happily discuss it.  If it doesn't, I don't feel a need to make it the topic of conversation.  Same with my sexual orientation.

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1 hour ago, GlamRocker said:

I want to tell the whole world, because it's TRUE and then I could stop having to play along!

I agree I didn't know there was a term or orientation for how felt or did not feel in high school and college. Think knowing that there was such a thing as asexuality would have made things easier. At least for myself.

 

I did try to play along when I was in the military. But just had no interest in porn, strip clubs, or brothels.

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AceMissBehaving

Having people know and not “having to play along” any more has been much more freeing than I had expected.

 

The other reason I’m open is because so many of talk about how they don’t know any other ace people, but if most of us are keeping quiet about being ace, is that really true? Since coming out I found I actually know a lot of other ace folks.

 

Also I have a lot of privilege in regards to being able to come out that a lot of other people don’t. By being somewhat vocal I’ve had a few friends come out to me as the first and only person they’ve ever told. I’m grateful to all the people who stood up and spoke out early on in our current community. Being able to help my friends out who struggle with their identities and feeling isolated feels like paying it forward somewhat.

 

I guess I just feel if we want to be visible and understood, then it’s perhaps important for those of us who are able, and safe to be seen to speak up.

“Be the person you needed when you were young” and all that.

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These days I'm not sure how I feel about "coming out." 

 

As a sex-indifferent, heteromantic asexual, who will still have sex with my partner for their sake, I'm beginning to feel like telling everyone I'm asexual is letting them in on my partner's sex life without my partner's consent. If people know I'm in a relationship, but they also know I'm asexual, then they must be making assumptions about how much sex is happening, the imbalance of attraction, etc. And do I really want to elaborate on all of that? If I've got to say "I'm asexual, but my partner and I have a perfectly regular relationship and there is sex and I am still very much attracted to him" then what's the point of telling them in the first place?

 

Right now I just tell people on a need-to-know basis. Close family and friends know. Anybody I enter a relationship with will obviously need to know. Everybody else... if they ask? 

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I've posted sometimes, but being fair, short of telling all my customers that I'm Ace, near enough everyone knows that's how I identify. 

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Thanks to everyone for replying and taking the poll. I just wanted to create this poll to see how my feelings related to everyone else on the topic. Even though I am not brave enough to say I want to tell the whole world that I am for the most part an asexual person or a mix of demi and ace, even though I feel like for me its just too personal, I was actually uplifted to see that many people on here are proud to just wear it on their sleeves. 

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