How to start a serious relationship with an allosexual person?

[Snow in the background]

Hello, everyone!

 

I am a cisgender male, grey-heterosexual. It took me a while to even discover, and then to accept the fact that I am a grey ace. But now I seem to have come in terms with this fact and ultimately with myself.

 

I very rarely feel sexually attracted to other women, and I know for sure that I am completely heterosexual (I only feel sexual attraction towards women).

 

For a long time, I felt great being alone and not in a relationship. But lately, I feel somehow alone and the idea of getting into a relationship starts to appeal to me. I would also like to be involve in a serious long term relationship (this is a very important aspect of my sexuality and my gender expression, as well; don't get me wrong, but finding someone to whom I can feel sexually attracted towards is very difficult, so cheating is out of the question for me).

 

Since there are no grey-sexuals in the area where I live, the only option I seem to have is to enter in a relationship with an allosexual person.

 

My questions are these:

 

1) does a sexual/grey-ace relationship starts different in comparison to a normal relationship?

 

2) when should I open up about the fact that I am grey ace?

 

3) how should I tell it?

 

4) will I be rejected because of this?

[Marlow1]

@MihneaI am Demisexual, my wife is Allosexual, we have been together for over 29 years. She has a high sex drive and her mind is constantly full of romantic thoughts

 

This book gave me insight into how she thinks, and why she thinks as she does

 

 

And this program has helped me to stay attracted to her, and optimise my libido, desire for her and so on

 

https://www.marksdailyapple.com/a-guide-to-maintaining-a-healthy-sex-drive/

 

Hope this is helpful

 

 

[Snow in the background]

@Marlow1 thank you for your message. 

I read the blog. Unfortunately, the video is no longer available.

[Marlow1]

@Mihnea I think the video maybe available via pay per view, but to be honest you probably do not need the video, I personally found the book more helpful. This may be available free at the library

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kosher-Sex-Recipe-Passion-Intimacy/dp/0385494661

 

I learned a great deal about Allosexuals and the way they think, feel and behave, from this book and what Rabbi Shmuley says absolutely fits my wife, 100% LOL

 

Rabbi Shmuleys book is particularly helpful when it is the man that has the lower sex drive. This site below is perhaps more suitable for folk that have things the opposite way around ie where the woman is the one with less interest. Nonetheless though this site explains some things well and has been helpful for us in regards to ideas for fun, romantic stuff that we can do etc. Please look through the menu section, many subjects that Allosexual folk are interested in are mentioned. Learning about these things does take time but learning from books like Kosher Sex, and sites like this one Sheila has designed has help me no end on my journey

 

https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/04/50-most-romantic-movies/

 

Hope this is useful. It all takes time to figure this stuff out but working through this stuff, particularly the kosher sex stuff, has helped me over and over again in regards to my relationship with my wife 👍👍👍

[Guest]

Start like any other, reveal before any serious feelings develop (in the feeling each other out to see if we fit at all stage..  2-3 dates traditionally)... reveal what it means not a label

[Snow in the background]

Thank you both, @Marlow1 and @Serran!