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Happi

Aromantic and Asexual Or Intimacy Issues?

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Happi
On 11/3/2019 at 3:38 AM, Nylocke said:

 

He at least feels it'll work even though we're ethically incompatible and sexually incompatible. Again he likely realizes he won't find anyone else because someone normal would expect so much more of him. My family still hates him and my mom and sister were talking about buying african shea butter from African people and my sister told mom that they cast spells on the stuff using black magic or something like that. Then my mom suggested that I am probably vexed making it the only reason that I "still talk to him" because I had lead them to believe we weren't a couple for a while before we actually broke up because they had stopped jumping down my throat about it on a regular basis.

 

Even if we were practically on the down low in a long distance relationship it sure beats the crap out of continuously being shamed, chastised, and told how low my standards are on a regular basis.

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds rough, honestly.

 

Now obviously, I'm not really an expert on the subject but I'll try to give my two cents. Disagreements or conflicts in beliefs like that can make relationships of any kind a little more rocky. Platonic or romantic, it can be hard. But, if you guys are able to sort out these differences and you reach a comprise, then maybe it's not so bad. But from what you described, that might be hard.

 

I also think that being in a relationship for the sake of being in one does not seem very healthy. I think you should be in a relationship with whoever for them and not any external reasons like being pressured into one. It's okay to be on your own. And try your best not to let what other people think influence how you feel! I think you can like whoever you'd like, aside from minors and all that of course. "Low standards" feels like such a mean thing to say about someone and who they like. Though I do understand that some people might be more compatible than others or harmful to be with so maybe they just want you to be wary.

 

There's a lot of complications in all this but in the end, just do what's best for your mental health and the wellbeing of others and I think you'll figure things out.

Edited by Happi

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Nylocke
On 11/8/2019 at 7:27 AM, Happi said:

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds rough, honestly.

 

Now obviously, I'm not really an expert on the subject but I'll try to give my two cents. Disagreements or conflicts in beliefs like that can make relationships of any kind a little more rocky. Platonic or romantic, it can be hard. But, if you guys are able to sort out these differences and you reach a comprise, then maybe it's not so bad. But from what you described, that might be hard.

 

I also think that being in a relationship for the sake of being in one does not seem very healthy. I think you should be in a relationship with whoever for them and not any external reasons like being pressured into one. It's okay to be on your own. And try your best not to let what other people think influence how you feel! I think you can like whoever you'd like, aside from minors and all that of course. "Low standards" feels like such a mean thing to say about someone and who they like. Though I do understand that some people might be more compatible than others or harmful to be with so maybe they just want you to be wary.

 

There's a lot of complications in all this but in the end, just do what's best for your mental health and the wellbeing of others and I think you'll figure things out.

 

Indeed it is hard. My mental health suffered for the longest time between relocating, living in a state I don't like, having to leave my boyfriend, and then dealing with my family's constant shaming, and chastising of the situation. Literally took 2 years for my period to be normal again because that was all messed up from moving and everything else that was going on in my life at the time.

 

I don't have any means of obtaining and maintaining another relationship so my best bet is to just be alone in the event this truly doesn't work out. My family seems to push the ever so fictional idea of meeting a man in church. 9 times out of 10 men in church every Sunday are either unemployed or just got out of jail but my folks are so religiously butthurt that they'd rather me be with someone in church over anything even if they have way more problems then my current boyfriend ever had ... o-o

 

Even my brain dead in laws that I tolerate because of my brother's marriage had the nerve to tell me that I need to "meet a nice man in church" when she knows darn well she didn't meet her husband in church and neither did her daughter for that matter. Literally people piss me off with this fantasy illusion of "meeting someone in church" as if everyone else on the outside isn't good enough or is lvls inferior.

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Moderne Jazzhanden

Aromantic and Asexual Or Intimacy Issues?

 

That is indeed the question. 🙂

 

Or is it? 🤨

 

How about:- 

 

Do I really know who I am unless I'm with someone else?

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Happi
On 11/18/2019 at 2:02 PM, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

Aromantic and Asexual Or Intimacy Issues?

 

That is indeed the question. 🙂

 

Or is it? 🤨

 

How about:- 

 

Do I really know who I am unless I'm with someone else?

I've "dated" before but even then, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I was uncomfortable. Why I was uncomfortable is what I'm looking for. It could be fear or disinterest. I felt a lot of pressure to do things that I didn't want to try for one reason or another.

It's been a while since then and after a lot of thinking about it, I'm realizing that it was mostly because of fear of getting something wrong. And now that it's so deeply rooted, I'm not sure if I can be what people consider "normal."

In the moment, I don't think I was able to see it that way.

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Happi
On 11/17/2019 at 6:21 AM, Nylocke said:

 

Indeed it is hard. My mental health suffered for the longest time between relocating, living in a state I don't like, having to leave my boyfriend, and then dealing with my family's constant shaming, and chastising of the situation. Literally took 2 years for my period to be normal again because that was all messed up from moving and everything else that was going on in my life at the time.

 

I don't have any means of obtaining and maintaining another relationship so my best bet is to just be alone in the event this truly doesn't work out. My family seems to push the ever so fictional idea of meeting a man in church. 9 times out of 10 men in church every Sunday are either unemployed or just got out of jail but my folks are so religiously butthurt that they'd rather me be with someone in church over anything even if they have way more problems then my current boyfriend ever had ... o-o

 

Even my brain dead in laws that I tolerate because of my brother's marriage had the nerve to tell me that I need to "meet a nice man in church" when she knows darn well she didn't meet her husband in church and neither did her daughter for that matter. Literally people piss me off with this fantasy illusion of "meeting someone in church" as if everyone else on the outside isn't good enough or is lvls inferior.

Hang in there, friend. I know it's kind of difficult because they're your family and all, but pay no mind to them pressuring you like that. I'm sure it's irritating but know that what you choose is what matters the most, not what they think you should do.

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Nylocke
20 hours ago, Happi said:

Hang in there, friend. I know it's kind of difficult because they're your family and all, but pay no mind to them pressuring you like that. I'm sure it's irritating but know that what you choose is what matters the most, not what they think you should do.

Thanks pal :D I think the hardest part is that I realize that I will likely be alone for the rest of my life but while they realize that as well they also fear it. So for them its either I make friends or get a boyfriend and get married. And here my autistic self continuously fails to do either of those things

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Happi
On 12/10/2019 at 12:49 PM, Nylocke said:

Thanks pal :D I think the hardest part is that I realize that I will likely be alone for the rest of my life but while they realize that as well they also fear it. So for them its either I make friends or get a boyfriend and get married. And here my autistic self continuously fails to do either of those things

I think making friends would be a better fit for you! It's difficult but it's something you can work on for sure. It's a huge learning process and it takes a lot of effort and time. Friendships can be a wonderful thing.

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Nylocke
On 12/16/2019 at 5:25 AM, Happi said:

I think making friends would be a better fit for you! It's difficult but it's something you can work on for sure. It's a huge learning process and it takes a lot of effort and time. Friendships can be a wonderful thing.

 

These days I can only maintain human bonds online it seems

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Happi
On 12/17/2019 at 9:57 AM, Nylocke said:

 

These days I can only maintain human bonds online it seems

I have a lot more friends online than I do in person and hey, if you find that fulfilling, then I don't really see much problem with it! A lot of people believe that online friendships can't be as strong as friendships you make in person and while I agree that the dynamic is probably different due to being physically there, I don't think it's true. If you want to make connections with people you know in person, then I'm sure that's something you can work on though from what I read, you're probably not super interested in that. I hope you find a new place to explore and meet new people sometime soon!

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Nylocke
On 12/26/2019 at 5:39 AM, Happi said:

I have a lot more friends online than I do in person and hey, if you find that fulfilling, then I don't really see much problem with it! A lot of people believe that online friendships can't be as strong as friendships you make in person and while I agree that the dynamic is probably different due to being physically there, I don't think it's true. If you want to make connections with people you know in person, then I'm sure that's something you can work on though from what I read, you're probably not super interested in that. I hope you find a new place to explore and meet new people sometime soon!

 

Anyone that says that online friendship is fake knows exactly where they can start sucking !! I got people online that I've known for 5, 10 and 15 years and some of these people I talk to more then I talk to my own family. I have had way too many negative experiences with offline friendships that I just can't fathom a purpose of it anymore.

 

Don't get me wrong, I've fallen out with people online too, but not NEARLY as much as the people offline I fell out with. Within a time span between my high school graduation and shortly after my 18th birthday that September, I ended up cutting loose about half a dozen people from my life for various reasons. Dunno about you but having 6 so called friends and going all the way to down to 0 friends in a span of a few months really does something to you ...

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