JustViolet Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I got divorced in 2015 and have been mostly alone ever since. I had two brief relationships but both ended because they didn't love me but thought I was great so they tried to develop feelings but couldn't. Everyone I have had an interest in has pretty much said the same thing, but in slightly different words...they only have platonic feelings for me, they love me as a friend, I'm more like a sister, there's just no chemistry/spark... Honestly, at a certain point, it starts to feel like I am fundamentally flawed somehow. I would so much rather hear that I'm just too ugly, or too nice, rather than wonder. I did have one say that it's really just my (lack of) religious views because Christianity is that important to him, but no one else has been able to give me a reason. Anyway, most of that was prior to coming out as Ace, so of course I feel even more hopeless now that sex is off of the table. I have met a few Ace guys but not one has seen me as even slightly date-able, either. I'm painfully lonely, and now my two closest Ace friends are starting to date so I'll feel like a third wheel, probably. I'm just so sad and frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I think the issue is that for many, but not all people, sex or sexual attraction is the dividing line between platonic and romantic relationships. So you can find someone who is compatible but since they are uncommon it will just take time to find them. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 @Meowanie, sorry to hear of your struggles *Huggles * One of the snaggles of asexuality is that people are trying to identify later in life than the majority, so someone who identifies as Asexual may subsequently identify as aromantic, maybe after trying to form a relationship and feeling nothing. If it's any consolation I'm a decade ahead of you, and have only felt a spark once, but I don't know if it's reciprocated Link to post Share on other sites
JustViolet Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 9 hours ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said: @Meowanie, sorry to hear of your struggles *Huggles * One of the snaggles of asexuality is that people are trying to identify later in life than the majority, so someone who identifies as Asexual may subsequently identify as aromantic, maybe after trying to form a relationship and feeling nothing. If it's any consolation I'm a decade ahead of you, and have only felt a spark once, but I don't know if it's reciprocated Oh, no, definitely not aromantic! I think you read that backwards. I frequently have a spark for others, it's just that no one is ever interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
maybeimamazed Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 8 hours ago, Meowanie said: Oh, no, definitely not aromantic! I think you read that backwards. I frequently have a spark for others, it's just that no one is ever interested in me. If you don't mind me asking... if you frequently have a spark for others, why do you identify as demiromantic? Link to post Share on other sites
JustViolet Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 On 10/3/2019 at 12:18 PM, maybeimamazed said: If you don't mind me asking... if you frequently have a spark for others, why do you identify as demiromantic? Well, I'm new to all of this, but I think mainly because as easy as it is for me to like someone, the thought of getting into a relationship and sharing things (a bed or a living space) terrifies me and I can't imagine giving up my freedom or space or privacy for anyone again. Link to post Share on other sites
JustViolet Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 On 10/3/2019 at 12:18 PM, maybeimamazed said: If you don't mind me asking... if you frequently have a spark for others, why do you identify as demiromantic? Anyway, it has been very recently brought to my attention by two people that it's my looks, so I'm pretty much just giving up. Link to post Share on other sites
SithAzathoth WinterDragon Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Your looks are not the problem, but rather the individual themselves...... You are perfect in YOUR own way, don't try to change to fit how others WANT you to be, be you and things should work out...... Work on yourself first, talk to friends and or talk here. You'll find that there are FAR more just like yourself here (not me, I never had a physical relationship) you're not alone in this. I do apologize if this doesn't make sense or helps you in any way. I wish you well, feel free to message if you wish.... Link to post Share on other sites
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