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How To Talk to Fellow Aces?


SallySlazar

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So I've only met 3 other Ace people in my life and every time the conversation has gone something along the lines of... Them "Hey, do you wear that ring for any specific reason?" Me "Yea, it's an asexual pride ring"  Them "Yea? I'm Asexual too!" ME "Awesome!...... (has no idea what to say next)" 

I've thought a lot about what I could say next or what I would mind and not mind someone asking me next but I haven't come to any fruitful answers. If I ask them about their experiences with being asexual it can come across as intrusive, but if I change the subject it can come across as dismissive or uninterested. 
So my question is; how, when how and how?
I would love to make some ace friends but it doesn't come easy to me. Any advice is very much appreciated.

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AceMissBehaving

You could just say something along the lines of “that’s awesome, I haven’t run into that many other aces before, I think you’re maybe only the 2nd person to recognize the ring....” and see if they pick it up from there 

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Went to a meet up irl where we talked more about politics and our lives than being asexual. It's just an odd thing to focus on. Those I've met on my own irl were a friend of a friend at college who just mentioned it in passing when I was explaining something on AVEN I was reading ("What's AVEN?" "The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. There's a forum where a lot of asexuals hang out." "You're asexual?" "Yeah." "Me too!" Conversation continues about the thread), another who mentioned it in passing during a discussion about abortion, another is my sister, and the final is her friend who I haven't really talked to about it since she's my sister's friend and not really mine.

 

As with all things, find something else to talk about. Do you like their hair? Their shirt? Are you at a university and can ask about classes? Maybe ask what they do for work or want to do (depending on age). 

If you recognize the ring, maybe ask where they got it from or how they chose it. Why it's important to them. 

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Talk to another asexual just as you would with any other person.  If you have other things in common, you may be friends.  If not, then being asexual is not going to hold a friendship together.  

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Janus the Fox

Asexuality is never a starting topic of conversation for me.  That has to develop late one a person gets more intimate.  Unless at a Meetup or something, talking to another Ace will be rather co-incidental with some other interest.    

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On 10/2/2019 at 3:20 AM, Sally said:

Talk to another asexual just as you would with any other person.  If you have other things in common, you may be friends.  If not, then being asexual is not going to hold a friendship together.  

^^^ very much this. Aces aren't some special kind of humans, friendships work just the same as with your non-ace friends. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it just doesn't happen and it really do be like that sometimes. The only thing you get out of that similarity with them is a conversation starter and some relatable things, but nothing substantial enough to sustain a full-fledged friendship.

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As everyone says, the thing to remember is that, to some extent, the only thing most of us on the site knowingly have in common is that we share a sexual orientation - which, in some ways, isn't that big a connection (there are definitely some aces I've met where I've felt we have effectively nothing in common). Otherwise, I've found it's best to just talk to other aces like I would to any new people I meet. Sometimes, someone will bring up a query or something about ace experiences and we'll chat about that, but it's usually not the sole focus. In fact, the one time I've randomly met other aces without going to a meetup, we chatted for a bit about how random it was that we'd run into each other, and then we talked about travelling and how one of the other two was starting uni, and barely came back to being ace at all. 

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I've had four meet ups in the past year or so and have kept contact with the two most recent people that I met. The most recent surprisingly had fairly similar political views to mine, so that was quite funny.

 

The other person was on an exchange from South America. We've emailed back and forth discussing just random everyday stuff.

 

Three of the aces were female, while the forth agender (AFAB). I thought our chats went quite well considering we hadn't had a lot of conversation online leading up to the meet ups.

 

Considering how I interacted with females I didn't know when I thought I was straight, I was surprised how relaxed I was. I guess it could be that I wasn't trying to 'impress' the other person. I knew that there was going to be nothing 'going on' between us.

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