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I'm new -- sexual with a crush on an asexual


someone1234

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I have recently started hanging out with a new group of friends, and I have not been this happy with a group of people in a very long time.

There are three of them, two guys and one girl.

One guy and the one girl are in a relationship together that is very strong, and I do not know whether it is sexual or not (and this is none of my business) but they don't act all "couple-y" all the time so they are still very fun to hang out with.

The other guy I have been talking to alot recently, and I have developed quite a crush on him. I believe he may have feelings for me as well, and shows that he wants to hang out with me, and enjoys my company.

He gives me lots of hugs as well, and I think (hope?) he flirts with me too.

He is 21, and I am 17, and I just found out today that he has only had one girlfriend, and they broke up because she wanted to have sex and he didn't.

I've definitely had more relationships, and I have had sex with one partner. I can go without sex, but I have a very strong need for physical intimacy and passion.

I don't know if a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship will happen between us, but I would be really happy if it did.

I'm just thinking in advance, if anything does happen, how will we deal with this?

I've only just discovered asexuality today, when I googled it and this came up. I really like him, and I hope that things can work out.

Any thoughts? Advice? Perspectives?

Thankyou! <333

ps. yes I also know that it is illegal for him to have sex with me (if he wanted to which he doesnt) because of the age difference. I will be 18 soon, and I still enjoy other forms of physical intimacy.

I am unsure if he enjoys physical intimacy or not.

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This sort of thing depends heavily on the asexual in question. There are some asexuals who really enjoy some forms of physical intimacy... even some things that most people think of as rather sexual. There are others who don't like being touched at all, and a great many who are somewhere in the middle. If you are considering becoming this guy's girlfriend, you are going to have to be prepared to discuss very openly with him exactly what he's comfortable with and exactly what he isn't, as well as exactly what you desire from the relationship and exactly what you can live without.

A caveat, though... I don't know this guy you're talking about, but I'm sure there are other reasons besides asexuality for a person not to want to have sex with their girlfriend. Maybe he's A, but maybe he's religious or maybe he just didn't feel that his previous relationship was emotionally close enough, or maybe something else. Even if he is asexual, springing a diagnosis of "asexual" on him when he's not ready to identify that way could freak him out.

...and even if he isn't asexual, thoroughly discussing what physical things you want and don't want out of a relationship before getting into one is still very good advice, IMO.

I wish you the best of luck.

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He said that he has no desire to have sex in his lifetime.

When I first met him, his friend referred to him as asexual, but at the time I didn't pay much attention and thought it was a joke or something.

If things keep moving in the direction they seem to be going in, I definitely want to talk to him about all of this. I very much want to have open dialogue with him on the subject, but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable.

The whole group of friends and some others are having a big sleepover this weekend, and he invited me and wants me to come. He said that everyone likes to cuddle, and I said that sounded great. He seemed pleased that cuddling could happen in the near future, and I love to cuddle so that is definitely something I am happy about.

Thankyou Hallucigenia, that really helped.

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