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Don’t give people your power


Birlow17

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I’ve learned this recently and wanted to share it with other people who want to live life without suffering. Nobody said we aren’t gonna hurt in this life but I feel like we can do things to limit our suffering. I’m aro ace but trying to generalize this to apply to everyone.

 

I saw a quote flying around the internet that said “I hate when I let people in who didn’t deserve to know me like that.”

And in the past I would say I would agree with that quote. But I don’t see it like that anymore. Everything I gave to people in friendships (relationships etc. Fill in your blank) I gave it WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I let those who were once in my life see my personality, my downs, my secrets, my rawness. And most people are afraid that now other people can use this as a weakness but I don’t see it that way.

 

I am me regardless of someone leaving my life and I’m proud of all the things I put in even if the outcome was that it didn’t last. When people leave my life they don’t change me. I am me with or without and I will stay me whether someone chooses to stay or go. 

 

Giving someone the power to change you after breakups (example) is actually true weakness. I’ve seen guys say things like “she broke my heart when I was a good guy so I’m going to be a player now” you are giving her all the power! Because you let her effect you in a negative way. 

 If you were really internally strong you would’ve remained a good person because bad people aren’t strong enough to shake you. 

 

Remain you even when people leave. Don’t become bitter once it ends, you are better than that! Don’t give people the satisfaction of making you bitter. You can hurt after something ends but don’t stay there and suffer because your identity is not left with them. You are completely full and nobody took away anything. 

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9 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm trying to trust the "awesome person" part.

 

Whether you trust it or not, you are.  She, and we, know better than you what an awesome person you are.  

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On 9/30/2019 at 1:29 PM, Moonman said:

For a lot of people, people leaving their life are treated as learning experiences. People wonder what they did to make a person leave. Whilst I believe it's important to look inwards and identify that your life is not defined by your relationships to others, it does depend on what you desire and what you want from other people. If you want friends and social interaction, then not changing your approach when people keep leaving likely means you'll hit a dead end.

 

This part, I feel, is a hive-mind take on morality. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a player as much as there's nothing inherently right with being monogamous. To think of the transition towards being a player as being a person affected in a negative way is your perception - for somebody else it might be a big positive and it might be associated with a kind of liberation and freedom from the wants, needs and desires of other people or one person in particular.

I don’t think it’s just my perception. Some guys do this after the breakup to show that they lost a sense of trust from ever connecting with a women positively when they were “good” so that they will now play the field and not be in a relationship. It’s not pursuit out of believing in polygamous relationships but by being negatively effected by a past relationship that they aren’t willing to commit again and will now connect with women on a physical level and no longer emotionally as well. It’s an unhealthy mindset and it’s one that is a negative effect out of letting someone take your power. 

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Lord Jade Cross
31 minutes ago, Birlow17 said:

I don’t think it’s just my perception. Some guys do this after the breakup to show that they lost a sense of trust from ever connecting with a women positively when they were “good” so that they will now play the field and not be in a relationship. It’s not pursuit out of believing in polygamous relationships but by being negatively effected by a past relationship that they aren’t willing to commit again and will now connect with women on a physical level and no longer emotionally as well. It’s an unhealthy mindset and it’s one that is a negative effect out of letting someone take your power. 

Considering the amount of time and effort that goes into a relationship, while a person can definately be  motivated by pain and vengence afterwards, most people tend to go into a protective shell. Its a common reaction. It be no different than trying to light a fire and getting burned; then someone coming along and telling you "lets light a fire". Would you be so trusting if youve already got burned once?

 

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SorryNotSorry

Power is taken, never given.

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On 10/5/2019 at 12:32 AM, Jade Cross said:

Considering the amount of time and effort that goes into a relationship, while a person can definately be  motivated by pain and vengence afterwards, most people tend to go into a protective shell. Its a common reaction. It be no different than trying to light a fire and getting burned; then someone coming along and telling you "lets light a fire". Would you be so trusting if youve already got burned once?

 

 

I know that’s the most human reaction and response. Usually in philosophy we tend to aim for higher than the regular human response in order to suffer less in life. Kind of like for example: A group of students make fun of a boy for having long hair. The human response would be for the boy to get sad, cut his hair and conform. The most powerful reaction and one we should strive for (to be mentally strong) is for the boy to keep his long hair as it shows his like for his hairstyle is above his classmates. The boys first response is totally understanding and so are the guys who go into that shell after being hurt. But we should strive to be mentally stronger and that’s what I’m getting at. 

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14 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

Power is taken, never given.

Depends the circumstance. We all have inner power. Have you seen the film Unbroken? 

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On 9/29/2019 at 8:41 PM, Birlow17 said:

I’ve learned this recently and wanted to share it with other people who want to live life without suffering. Nobody said we aren’t gonna hurt in this life but I feel like we can do things to limit our suffering. I’m aro ace but trying to generalize this to apply to everyone.

 

I saw a quote flying around the internet that said “I hate when I let people in who didn’t deserve to know me like that.”

And in the past I would say I would agree with that quote. But I don’t see it like that anymore. Everything I gave to people in friendships (relationships etc. Fill in your blank) I gave it WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I let those who were once in my life see my personality, my downs, my secrets, my rawness. And most people are afraid that now other people can use this as a weakness but I don’t see it that way.

 

I am me regardless of someone leaving my life and I’m proud of all the things I put in even if the outcome was that it didn’t last. When people leave my life they don’t change me. I am me with or without and I will stay me whether someone chooses to stay or go. 

 

Giving someone the power to change you after breakups (example) is actually true weakness. I’ve seen guys say things like “she broke my heart when I was a good guy so I’m going to be a player now” you are giving her all the power! Because you let her effect you in a negative way. 

 If you were really internally strong you would’ve remained a good person because bad people aren’t strong enough to shake you. 

 

Remain you even when people leave. Don’t become bitter once it ends, you are better than that! Don’t give people the satisfaction of making you bitter. You can hurt after something ends but don’t stay there and suffer because your identity is not left with them. You are completely full and nobody took away anything. 

Thank you so much for this post. It would be a joy to befriend you. This was everything that I needed to hear 

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8 minutes ago, Geekgoddess said:

Thank you so much for this post. It would be a joy to befriend you. This was everything that I needed to hear 

I’m really happy it was useful to you! Stay strong friend 

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17 hours ago, Moonman said:

Your opinion on what the most powerful reaction is simply the reaction that you believe would be most powerful.

 

Another person might believe that the most powerful reaction would be to get the hair cut so that one is aligned better with the natural order of things in the environment they frequent. Is that long hair worth the ridicule, the consistent bullying and the feelings of inferiority enforced upon you? Some people would argue yes, some people would argue no.

 

If a person really loved their long hair but consistently found that it presented a problem, I may believe the strongest action is to let go of the love in the face of a greater good, that a person is strong because they were able to see that no longer being ridiculed was a better alternative than, say, continuing to live vicariously through a rock star they had great admiration for. It honestly depends on their reason for having the long hair and whether that reason is stronger than alternative reasons. I think that's what I get from reading philosophy, that there are few universal truths and a good deal of what we experience is subject to circumstance.

Yes I like that point. But can it be agreed that sacrificing your individuality for the sake of conformity is not ideal? At the end truthfully the powerful reaction is not caring what people think, which would be the boy not cutting his hair. 

It is because he is able to endure the backlash and criticism that he’s gets from doing something that is not wrong.  It’s rebellious if anything. Something to be applauded for. 

Its been done throughout history and that’s how we have gotten this far to allow people to be themselves because of courageous individuals in the past who chose non conformity.

 

You can care about people while not caring what they think think. This is the goal of everyone in society. So I have to disagree with you because people’s ideal mindset is to be mentally strong in life. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think that we have a responsibility to make informed, logical decisions about when we let others have power over us.  There are times when one individual needs to be in charge, but those following a leader can't obey mindlessly.

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