Jay413 Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 Hi, i'm jay and i identify as a pan aroace. i'm pretty sure of my label but my brain has a hard time being decisive so i've decided to start reaching out to other people. i've had 'crushes' before, but after hearing what a lot of people describe what a crush feels like to them, i'm not sure what to think. i don't think i've ever wanted to date one of my crushes, and usually like them because i find their personality intriguing and want to know more about them (for instance this one guy i know is a slytherin and i'm a ravenclaw who is fascinated by slytherins and i reallllllly want to talk to him). i've had what feels like romantic and sexual feeling towards fictional characters, but never really towards actual people. when it comes to real life 'crushes', i generally just want to watch them (in the least creepy way possible) and also be the person they go to when they want to talk about deep stuff. recently i've been developing deeper feelings for my best friend, we don't see each other as often as we used to but we text all the time. i'm not sure if i'm developing these feelings because i don't see her and therefore have to imagine her when we're texting, or if i would have felt like this even if we saw each other on a day to day basis. obviously these feeling really confuse me because i'm pretty sure i wouldn't date her if she asked me, but i'm also pretty sure that i love her (probably alterously)? if anyone actually read this here's my question (and the point i was trying to make the whole time XD): what does it feel like to love someone romantically? how can you tell the difference between romantic and alterous attraction, or even romantic and platonic? thanks for reading this if u did lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 Welcome! Well I’m not the best at this topic, but I’ll give it a shot. Romantic attraction has more to do with wanting to do “romantic things” with them e.g. kissing, as well as thinking about them “romantically” when they’re not there. With platonic Squishes it tends to be more that you’re drawn to their personality and don’t think of them as anything “romantic”. Crushes tend to come with all of the cliché things from movies e.g. butterflies in the stomach, flushed face, increased awareness of social presentation and general nervousness towards how you come off to them. With Squishes it feels more relaxed, you feel like you’d love to get to know them more, but there’s not as much pressure to show off your every talent just for a chance to spend more time with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Jay413 Posted September 29, 2019 Author Share Posted September 29, 2019 that helps a lot actually, thank you! i think i've been calling all my squishes crushes and that was really confusing, but now i get it lol. also that cake looks awesome Link to post Share on other sites
CancerIsAStarsign Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Welcome! I used to think I was aro, but then came Mario, and he's so cute so now I have to rethink everything. It's okay to do that! Uh jeez that's a big picture, but it's too perfect to change so 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 A very belated welcome to AVEN! Romantic Attraction towards fictional characters is called Fictoromanticism, and Sexual Attraction towards fictional characters is called Fictosexuality. I see them as subsets of Aromanticism and Asexuality. You might also find this often posted image helpful, Incidentally, I'm also a Ravenclaw, and it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, so here's a "The Mythical Ravenclaw!" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/196581-the-mythical-ravenclaw Link to post Share on other sites
endika Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 I'm basically saying the same as everyone else but it seems you have "Squishes" which are like platonic crushes and are totally normal (I have them too) Cherrie ♠ Link to post Share on other sites
Here&Queer Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Hey so I'm a bit late to the discussion but I just have to say that I literally felt like I could've written your post, @Jay413. I related way to hard to pretty much everything in it! On 9/29/2019 at 4:57 PM, Lichley said: Crushes tend to come with all of the cliché things from movies e.g. butterflies in the stomach, flushed face, increased awareness of social presentation and general nervousness towards how you come off to them. Part of my confusion is that I do tend to experience at least some of these things around people that I have intense squishes on, making me wonder if my "squish" is really a crush. I haven't figured anything out by any means (my most recent post was pretty much freaking out over whether or not I was experiencing romantic attraction lol), but I guess for me it's kind of a gut feeling. If I'm sitting next to my squish and I look over and try to imagine kissing him or holding his hand in a romantic way, something in me flinches away. It doesn't feel right. If I imagine sitting and watching movies together or going to go see a play together (we're both theater people) and just hanging out as friends, I feel myself relax and start smiling. At some point, I think you just have to let go and trust that your feelings will sort themselves out in time; if you do decide that what you're feeling is romantic, then that's totally okay, and if you decide it isn't, that's okay too. It's even okay to decide that you still don't know, and that it ultimately doesn't matter what label you give your feelings. There's nothing wrong with just letting yourself have emotions and not worrying about categorizing them. Good luck! If you manage to unlock the secret to understanding romantic vs platonic feelings, let me know! 😂 Oh, and also, have this mood board - Ravenclaw pride! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 @Here&Queer tbh I’ve been sat here wondering for 3 years whether I had a squish or a crush on this one person, so I’m not the best at explaining it Link to post Share on other sites
Bombadilo Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 On 10/16/2019 at 12:16 PM, Here&Queer said: If I'm sitting next to my squish and I look over and try to imagine kissing him or holding his hand in a romantic way, something in me flinches away. Oh my gosh.... I just realised that the only true crush that I've ever had was probably an intense squish! I'm not ever sure what to think about that. Thank you for explaining the difference in such an applicable way! Sorry, for just blurting that out, I'm in my mid 20s and only realise just LAST WEEK that I'm probably ace and that everyone else I've ever met (and I say this in all fondness) is not actually crazy. Now maybe I'm aro too? 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 @Bombadilo A belated welcome to AVEN! And congratulations on finding out you're Aroace! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Kittens in basket" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/327927-kittens-in-basket Link to post Share on other sites
QueerAroAce Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Welcome to aven~ Here's some cake, to welcome you "Lithromantic (also known as akoiromantic or apromantic) is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. Lithromanticism describes romantic attraction without the desire for reciprocation. Lithromantic experiences may include: Feeling romantic attraction that fades upon being reciprocated. ****taken frm wiki **** Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.